|
|
The Artistic Parenting Series, which kicks off today, are conversations with parents in the performing arts examining the lessons they've learned in the theatre that have helped support their parenting journey, as well as, aide them in their own growth and evolution. Our first guest is director, educator, and father of two, Paul Takacs. He is a friend from grad school days at The New School for Drama and I couldn't be more honored to have him on the show.
For more information on Paul check out the links below:
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/mfaparenting)
For more information on Paul check out the links below:
- http://www.paultakacsdirector.com/about
- https://www.theshoptheatre.org/about-2
- https://www.facebook.com/pautak
- https://www.instagram.com/pautak/
- https://ratethispodcast.com/mfaparentingedition
- https://www.buymeacoffee.com/mfaparenting
- Instagram: @mfaparentingedition
Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/mfaparenting)
Full Transcript:
Paul (00:00):
My job as a director is to give my audience an experience. So even if I'm doing that under white light, I have to find a way to make it evocative so that it isn't just sitting, we're just in a room, that it is transportive and artful and experiential in some way. And so that was always the mission for me.
Music (00:31):
[inaudible]
Taisha (00:31):
Welcome to MFA the Parenting Edition. I'm Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy, better than life as a full-time actor. Today's episode is the first in our new series, Artistic Parenting, where we'll be talking with theatre artists about the lessons they've learned in the theater for raising themselves and their kids. Our guest artist today is director Paul Takacs. So without further ado, this is MFA.
Taisha (01:05):
Episode 24. What we do is vital.
Taisha (01:10):
Well, hello. Hello there. Lovely. How are you today? I know I just gave you space, like I was expecting to hear your response. And I wish I could. I am curious, and I hope that that space gave you the moment to reflect for a second on how you truly are doing. I'm really excited today. We are starting a brand new series, artistic parenting. The artistic parenting series is a collection of conversations that I've had with other artists and I would love to continue having with more artists about the lessons they've learned from the theater for raising themselves and their kids. My goal for this particular series of episodes is to share with you the gifts that these artists have shared with me about their experience in theater and as parents to help us see the world, the arts, our kids, and ourselves with new eyes. I'm very excited. So let's get into it. Just a quick heads up about sound one. It's not perfect, and I will be working on that. But two, you'll probably hear some kids noises in the back because our artists today has children. So just, just a reminder that I will be speaking with parents in these series and kids noises are bound to happen, as they do in life. So enjoy
Taisha (02:36):
Be our guest. On the show today, I'll be sharing parts of my conversation with Paul Takacs. Paul is director. He teaches acting and directing at Marymount Manhattan college and is the father of two little girls. He began his career as an actor in DC before shifting his focus to directing. And it was this shift that took him to graduate school, where we met. After completing his master's in directing from The New School for Drama. He stayed in the New York, New Jersey area, making his career in one of the best places for theater in the world. Paul is also the founding artistic director of the shop, a company dedicated to, and this is from their mission statement, "big ideas in small spaces, allowing the audiences to get up close and personal with the work." Here are parts of my conversation with Paul. When Theatre Met COVID. Question, why should we care about the arts?
Paul (03:38):
But it was interesting, because, because what I started to discover in the acting classes was that, um, there's a really great article in the New York times where they, they, they talked to acting teachers about transitioning into, um, zoom land. And Austin Pendleton was talking about this class that he teaches at HB studio. And he says that the, the cool thing about zoom is that it sort of puts on these virtual blinders for the actors. And once you dial into the, your partner, you, so you turn off all, all the other partakers in the class, turn off their cameras. And it's just, the partners are able to see each other. It's it's like the rest of the world goes away and you're really able to zero in and play an action and play a thought and really work to, to make a connection with somebody and affect change in them in a way that when we're in the world, we're sort of faced with the distractions of, well, you've got 10 other people in the class who are watching, got a noise from outside. You've got, you know, blocking concerns to worry about and all these things. So it, you know, in a way, the nice thing about zoom in the acting world was that it really took everybody back to what is fundamental and foundation foundational about what we, what actors do, which is, you know, how do we speak to effect change in another person? I keep, the thing I keep going back to is I remember in the spring, there was a student who was really exasperated and really sort of like despondent. And she said to me, at the time, she says, how, what's the point of doing this, doing this play? You know? We were working on another play at the time. And she says, um, what's the point of acting in theater when the world is on fire. And, and, you know, and I was like, at the time I was at a loss, I sort of was like, well, you know, it's, it's important that we tell these stories and give people something to connect with. And, but then doing Everybody and Marymount I went, no, we are vital right now because what we're doing is we're giving people, uh, this, this play it is based on, is an adaptation of a play that was written in a time of plague when people were asking questions about their mortality and asking questions about how do we live in this world and is the worth of a life. And, and have I lived a worthy life,
Taisha (06:01):
right?
Paul (06:01):
And I said, you know, this is, this is giving people something to see the world through, to, to relate to the world and give them definition and give them understanding. And, and, you know, there is vitality and value to what we do. You know, we, we are the people that help the larger world interpret and understand their place in this thing. We call life. And, and it just, it, I mean, I don't want to get all, you know, soapboxy, but I really believe in what we do, you know? And, and I mean, I'm now I'm 50 and I've been doing this. I've been working in theater for the better part of my adult life. And, and I've always had non theater folks sort of think of it as, Oh, y'all are just playing around. Oh, it's the B that's not work. Oh, that, and I'm like, no, what we do is really, it's, it's really worthwhile and worthy and important and sure. It can be different. Oh. And I always use the laugh about this. It's like, everybody's like, you know, why give money to the arts? Well, y'all are sitting and watching Netflix night and day right now.
Taisha (07:13):
Right?! Right?! That's what you're living off of
Paul (07:16):
If you didn't have that, you know? So, so yeah, so it was, it was, it was a real, it was a really affirming and really, um, yeah, it just did affirming and enriching experience to be able to, to, to apply my craft with young people in a time when it was so nourishing, you know, when, when, and it really made you go, I'm so thankful to be able to do what I do, you know.
Taisha (07:49):
Lessons from the theater for raising ourselves and our kids. Question, how has theater helped you become the person and parent you are today?
Paul (08:03):
It's, it's like a constant sort of loop, you know, like it's like, there are things that feed in from the art and then things that feed the art from being a parent, you know? Um, and, and I feel like that the thing from the arts is just the sense of, of. As a director in an, and I was always a very analytical actor too. I, I was always sort of trying to figure out why are people like that and how do I see through their eyes? How do I, how do I understand that? So that sense of trying to empathize and trying to find, develop a sense of compassion and, and understanding, um, my father was always very short with me and it was always like, you know, kids, ah, and, you know, I I'm, I mean, just the other day, I was kind of a little, little curt with Olivia and I felt really terrible about it afterwards because I was like, you know, she was just scared. She was, she had a splinter, in her finger and she was just beside herself and it came on the heels of her misbehaving it and, and me sort of giving her a talking to about something. And I was like, no, no, no, you've got to see it through her eyes. You've gotta see it through her eyes. And she was really scared. And so you need to, you need to make that right. And so that ability to see through another's eyes and another person's perspective is something that I feel like the arts have brought my, my sort of walk with the arts has sort of brought to my parenting, but then the parenting, you know, the patients take a breath, you know, take a, you know, sort of re take a step backward, all of that stuff. It takes me into the rehearsal room because there are moments where, you know, I've had actors who are beside themselves because something isn't clicking or isn't looking and it's, you're getting frustrated. And I'm just like, okay, how do I diffuse this? How do I take a breath? And it sounds terrible. I don't want to say that I treat them like my children,
Taisha (09:53):
We're actors are known for our emotional expression, but it's not always at the right time like that. You know, there's, you're working through things and there are times where you have to find a way to like, manage your own journey. And I think a lot of times as actors, it could be easy to fall into like a, self-indulgent like, you know, this is very important and I need this person to pay attention to me because I'm having a problem. And which is, I feel like what kids do. It's like, I'm, you know, having all these big feelings right now, and I need someone to pay attention to me and like, walk me through this.
Paul (10:30):
And, you know, the funny thing is that it's like in, in the rehearsal situation, you're sort of like, okay, so why is that? So, so what if I can't get this and this, this and this on, what is it? Okay. So, so, so what, how do we arrive here? What, what was working and, and if you were to maybe use this prop in this moment, would that help? And so there's a lot of like, you know, question answers sort of like finding it through talking people down, you know, and it's, and, and that, with that said, there's also like, in all of these years that I've been doing this, one of the things I've also learned is that every actor is different. Every child is different. You know? I mean, one of the things I learning right now is like, what worked with Olivia is not going to work with Emma. And I mean, they're, they're completely different entities. And, and I have to sort of figure out how do I talk to Emma or how do I, for one-year-old, I don't talk to her, but I, you know, um, but, but it's, but how do I, how do I approach her that, that is now different from how I would have approached Olivia and, and, you know, that's a similar thing. I mean, in the rehearsal room, you're like, okay, this actor is, uh, is, is a very analytical person. She, she, or he are going to, or they are going to be, um, approaching material in a different kind of way than, uh, than an experiential visceral sort of tactile kind of person who gets it by doing it, you know? Um, and, and some people need to sit down and talk through a scene. Some people need to just get up and do a scene. It, you know, it's, there's different, different flavors for different folks. So, you know, and you have to find out how best you can serve them to get what you need.
Taisha (12:18):
The Parent Trap. Question, when did you know you wanted to become a parent?
Paul (12:26):
Well, it was, it was always something that I, when I, when we got married and my wife and I married in 2002, and I always wanted kids because I grew up in a very, in a family, might have a, I have a brother, I have many cousins, you know, siblings and cousins and things was a thing, you know, and I thought that was something that I really wanted. And I remember when I got married, my wife is much younger than me and she, at the time, she was like, no, I don't want kids. And for years she was adamant, she was like, I don't want kids. I don't want kids. I don't want kids to the point where I had it just accepted it. You know, we got to a place where I was just like, Oh, we're just not going to have kids. And I remember, like we had a, a classmate of ours at new school, uh, Josh Bierman when Josh was so embarrassed by it now. But when Josh shared with me that they were expecting their first child towards the end of our, I think it was our end of our third year, I literally was. That's so awesome. I was like, miss side myself with, with excitement, because it was like vicarious for me and just like, yeah. So I, yeah, it was such a big thing. And then what changed was I had an aunt who I was very close to who lived in Montreal and unbeknownst to me, my wife also had a very good con good relationship, like a very close relationship with her. And this aunt of mine passed away very suddenly. She, she developed cancer and, and passed within the space of months. And I went up to Montreal for her Memorial service. And Sarah, my wife couldn't join me. She had to stay behind in Jersey cause she had to work. So I came back and it was the first night back and she was doing something in the bedroom. And I was, it was like a, we had a one bedroom apartment and I was in the living room watching TV. And she, she says to me, she's just sort of out of the blue. She says, you know, I think I'm ready to have a baby. And I was like, wow. And she says, yeah, she says, your aunt passing made me realize that I love family, but the people around us, aren't going to be with us forever. So I want us to have our own family. And I was like, at the time I was like, Oh, okay. I had, I had set my mind in such a way that we've been married 12 years at that point. And I was convinced that we would never have children. And, um, and so it was a lot of shifting, you know, ways of thinking. And then, but then once, you know, Olivia was, I remember going for the first sonogram and sobbing like a baby, because it was just like, like that's a life, that's a life that we created. And then she arrived and you know, it's just like, it's so strange. I keep talking to my mother about it because I see my childhood anew, through the lens of her experience. And I go, Oh, now I understand why mom did that. Well, now I understand why my dad did that. And now I see that, I see why things were the way they were in ways that I had never before. And yeah. So that's how we arrived there.
Taisha (15:52):
Family matters. Question, what are your family values?
Paul (15:59):
You know, it's funny. I don't know, we've ever like codified it, like sat down and said, these are our family values, but like in the, sort of the day-to-day I know that that honesty and compassion and respect for others, dignity and respect for others has always been something that we've really tried to instill, certainly in Olivia in our, you know, we'll do that with Emma as she's getting older. But yeah, I feel like just, just being compassionate and, and, um, receptive to the truths of others and being forthright and honest. Um, you know, I, I, thankfully, I mean, we're knock wood , sorry, I just got, I probably got on, but, um, you know, my biggest fear is when we get, if, and when we haven't hit that place with Olivia yet where she starts lying and, and I'm thankful for it, um, because I, I just want to, I want to be able, I hope my goal is to be able to preserve a relationship with her, where she will feel that she can tell me things and not be afraid to tell me things.
Taisha (17:04):
right.
Paul (17:04):
Um, you know, and, and feel compelled to lie. Um, and, and I feel like that's the thing that I want her to be able to do in life too, is that, you know, we have to, and I keep telling her, you have to take responsibility for the things that you do and say, but if you take responsibility for those things more often than not, you're going to discover that things will actually work out better for you in the end.
Taisha (17:26):
Right.
Paul (17:27):
It's, it's harder if you try to, to sort of shy away from it or turn away from it. And, um, and that's been a big one with us. Um, both, both Sarah and me, you know, in terms of how we've, how we've sort of spoken to Olivia about things. That's sort of it,
Taisha (17:43):
I mean, that's a huge one. I mean, to take responsibility and accountability for what you, what you say. I mean, you look around the world and it's like, Oh, I feel like, at least for me, and just from what you're saying, like, I wish so much, so many more people would have that as like something we were doing for ourselves, not even worrying about like trying to push on other people, but just like owning for ourselves. Um,
Paul (18:05):
You know, it's so funny when I was, it stems back from me from strangely from theater, when I was an undergrad, I was, um, you learn to you to work with when you're working with people to realize something. And especially in an endeavor where people are putting their hearts and souls into the mix that inevitably you're going to bruise somebody's ego in some way, shape or form. And one of the lessons I learned, and I can't even tell you how it came about. It was just one of those things where something went down in a rehearsal between myself and another actor performing. And I knew that I was in the wrong, and I think I, I apologized and I remember feeling like I feel so much better. And I walked away from the rehearsal feeling like, why didn't I always do that? Like own my shit in the moment and then, and then we can, we can all move on, you know?
Taisha (19:04):
Yeah, that fuckin ego of ours.
Paul (19:05):
I mean, it's the hardest thing. I think the hardest thing right now for, in the world today though, is I feel like sometimes people are making mistakes and aren't even aware that they're making mistakes. And, and so often I just wish I wish people were more straight, you know, when the, and just sort of say, Hey dude, that's not good. So that, that individual has the opportunity to say, Oh, I'm sorry. You know, and I'll change. You know, there's a lot of, there's a lot. The worst thing I feel like a person can do is just sort of harbor grudges and just carry that. Cause that stuff eats at you and it ultimately devours you. So I try to just sort of let go.
Taisha (19:48):
This magic moment, a short story before you go about a magical moment with your child that will warm your heart forever.
Paul (20:03):
Olivia, we signed her up, crazy, we signed her up for dance class. I'd like for two year olds at Alvin Ailey of all places. My goodness. Yeah. And, and so we were living in Jersey and, and Sarah would take her for the class every Saturday morning, but it was terrible because Sarah would go and they would get to Olivia would be, yay we're going to dance. Can we go? They get to the studio, they get to the threshold of the door. And she would sob and be like, I don't want, I don't want to. So every time Sarah would take her, they'd inevitably come back. And, and eventually it got to a place where I was like, we paid some money for this. And I spoke to Sarah, I'm going to take her to the class and we're going to, we're going to, even if we sit on the side for the whole class we're gonna stay. And so it was one of those days I took into city week. It's terrible. She was, she was crying and it was miserable, but we got through the dance class. And afterwards I said to her, he wanted to go to the zoo. And she goes, yeah. And he was one of those hot, hot summer days. Really stiflingly hot. And we went to the, the central park zoo and we were walking around and wanting to go see the snow leopards of all things on a summer. It, and we're at the snow leopard enclosure in the boulders there. And you can look in, and we couldn't see the leopard. We're sitting on this for this big giant border, this little tiny two year old girl in me. And, and I'm just like, and next thing you know, out of the blue unprompted, she goes, she calls me Papa. She goes, she goes, pop up. I love you. I she'd never said it to me before. Never said that before. And the fact that she just did it on her own in this moment when I was hot, exhausted, it just seared itself into my memory and, and it, and it stays with me forever. It's one of those magical experiences ever. And yeah, I was like, thanks, pal.
Taisha (22:00):
That's so beautiful. Thank you kind, sir. I'd like to thank Paul Takacs for taking out time to spend with me and share his experience as an artist and parent with you. If you'd like to find out more about Paul and the work that he's done and currently working on, you can find him at his website, paultakacsdirector.com [email protected]. And he's also on Instagram and Facebook. And I will leave all of those links in the show notes below.
Taisha (22:45):
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton, the musical. I wanna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens. I wanna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens.
Taisha (23:12):
The room where theatre happens is a sacred space. And I'm talking the room where the magic begins. The room in which all the artists gather at the start of a new project. The table, they sit around to speak life into the words the playwright has gifted them or to discuss the creation of a brand new work is a Haven for holistic creative expression. The room where this happens is the rehearsal room. This room is your home, your safe space to experiment and explore, question and disagree, try and try again, fail gloriously, and find the breadth of your character within the story. I love being on stage. I love moving the work from the rehearsal room to the theatre, but man, I cherish this time in the rehearsal rooms so much. It's where the beginning of the magic happens. As a mother, I've worked to create our home as a rehearsal space for Angelica, the rehearsal for life. There was a teacher at The New School for Drama, who would always say, "it's just a rehearsal." My husband and I have chosen to create a home where Angelica is free to express her full range of emotions with complete acceptance. We offer her the props, AKA toys and creative stimulation. We feel will engage her imagination. We sit down with her to discuss her feelings, to share her thoughts, to honor her character development. Our rehearsal space gets messy, literally and figuratively. I want our home to be the safest, most nurturing, accepting, respectful, and creative place. It can be so she knows what that feels like and create that for herself in a world that doesn't always value the same ideas. I want her to know what it feels like to be in the magic of the room, where it happens. So let's Raise a glass to celebrate the magic of the theater and the room where it happens.
Taisha (25:28):
That's all for today, guys and dolls. I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Paul in this first episode of the artistic parenting series. This season, I'll be talking with seven other theater parents about the lessons they've learned from the theater for raising themselves and their kids next week. We'll continue. Another episode of artistic parenting with actor theater, educator, and father of two Isaiah Johnson. We met back in DC a long, long, long, long time ago, and have stayed in touch throughout our separate graduate training and life. He's immensely talented and a fantastic person to talk to. I think you'll really enjoy our conversation. There are lots of different ways to support projects and people who you feel are making a positive difference in the world. Some ways are to support financially and others are to give of your time and energy and little ways that say, "keep up the good work you got this." I started a podcast supporter page through buy me a coffee for those who are interested and able to show support to this artistic project, financially. The link in the show notes allows you to buy me a drink to say, I support your work girl, keep it up. If you're interested in contributing drinks on a regular basis, there's also a membership option. Now, if buying me a drink seems too forward, or you're that person in the bar hoping someone is going to buy you a drink, because you broke as hell. There are tons of free ways to show your love rating and reviewing the episode you just listened to is a fantastic way to say thank you. Following @ MFA parenting addition on Instagram is another sharing this episode or other episodes you've enjoyed with a friend is a wonderful way to spread the word and a way to help the show grow. I appreciate you for taking the time to listen today. It is not lost on me that you can be listening to anything else in the world. So I want to say thank you for showing up to learn with me different ways. We can build the best relationship with ourselves and our kids. The world needs you. So go forth and kicketh some ass. Again, thank you and I'll see you on the other side.
Paul (00:00):
My job as a director is to give my audience an experience. So even if I'm doing that under white light, I have to find a way to make it evocative so that it isn't just sitting, we're just in a room, that it is transportive and artful and experiential in some way. And so that was always the mission for me.
Music (00:31):
[inaudible]
Taisha (00:31):
Welcome to MFA the Parenting Edition. I'm Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy, better than life as a full-time actor. Today's episode is the first in our new series, Artistic Parenting, where we'll be talking with theatre artists about the lessons they've learned in the theater for raising themselves and their kids. Our guest artist today is director Paul Takacs. So without further ado, this is MFA.
Taisha (01:05):
Episode 24. What we do is vital.
Taisha (01:10):
Well, hello. Hello there. Lovely. How are you today? I know I just gave you space, like I was expecting to hear your response. And I wish I could. I am curious, and I hope that that space gave you the moment to reflect for a second on how you truly are doing. I'm really excited today. We are starting a brand new series, artistic parenting. The artistic parenting series is a collection of conversations that I've had with other artists and I would love to continue having with more artists about the lessons they've learned from the theater for raising themselves and their kids. My goal for this particular series of episodes is to share with you the gifts that these artists have shared with me about their experience in theater and as parents to help us see the world, the arts, our kids, and ourselves with new eyes. I'm very excited. So let's get into it. Just a quick heads up about sound one. It's not perfect, and I will be working on that. But two, you'll probably hear some kids noises in the back because our artists today has children. So just, just a reminder that I will be speaking with parents in these series and kids noises are bound to happen, as they do in life. So enjoy
Taisha (02:36):
Be our guest. On the show today, I'll be sharing parts of my conversation with Paul Takacs. Paul is director. He teaches acting and directing at Marymount Manhattan college and is the father of two little girls. He began his career as an actor in DC before shifting his focus to directing. And it was this shift that took him to graduate school, where we met. After completing his master's in directing from The New School for Drama. He stayed in the New York, New Jersey area, making his career in one of the best places for theater in the world. Paul is also the founding artistic director of the shop, a company dedicated to, and this is from their mission statement, "big ideas in small spaces, allowing the audiences to get up close and personal with the work." Here are parts of my conversation with Paul. When Theatre Met COVID. Question, why should we care about the arts?
Paul (03:38):
But it was interesting, because, because what I started to discover in the acting classes was that, um, there's a really great article in the New York times where they, they, they talked to acting teachers about transitioning into, um, zoom land. And Austin Pendleton was talking about this class that he teaches at HB studio. And he says that the, the cool thing about zoom is that it sort of puts on these virtual blinders for the actors. And once you dial into the, your partner, you, so you turn off all, all the other partakers in the class, turn off their cameras. And it's just, the partners are able to see each other. It's it's like the rest of the world goes away and you're really able to zero in and play an action and play a thought and really work to, to make a connection with somebody and affect change in them in a way that when we're in the world, we're sort of faced with the distractions of, well, you've got 10 other people in the class who are watching, got a noise from outside. You've got, you know, blocking concerns to worry about and all these things. So it, you know, in a way, the nice thing about zoom in the acting world was that it really took everybody back to what is fundamental and foundation foundational about what we, what actors do, which is, you know, how do we speak to effect change in another person? I keep, the thing I keep going back to is I remember in the spring, there was a student who was really exasperated and really sort of like despondent. And she said to me, at the time, she says, how, what's the point of doing this, doing this play? You know? We were working on another play at the time. And she says, um, what's the point of acting in theater when the world is on fire. And, and, you know, and I was like, at the time I was at a loss, I sort of was like, well, you know, it's, it's important that we tell these stories and give people something to connect with. And, but then doing Everybody and Marymount I went, no, we are vital right now because what we're doing is we're giving people, uh, this, this play it is based on, is an adaptation of a play that was written in a time of plague when people were asking questions about their mortality and asking questions about how do we live in this world and is the worth of a life. And, and have I lived a worthy life,
Taisha (06:01):
right?
Paul (06:01):
And I said, you know, this is, this is giving people something to see the world through, to, to relate to the world and give them definition and give them understanding. And, and, you know, there is vitality and value to what we do. You know, we, we are the people that help the larger world interpret and understand their place in this thing. We call life. And, and it just, it, I mean, I don't want to get all, you know, soapboxy, but I really believe in what we do, you know? And, and I mean, I'm now I'm 50 and I've been doing this. I've been working in theater for the better part of my adult life. And, and I've always had non theater folks sort of think of it as, Oh, y'all are just playing around. Oh, it's the B that's not work. Oh, that, and I'm like, no, what we do is really, it's, it's really worthwhile and worthy and important and sure. It can be different. Oh. And I always use the laugh about this. It's like, everybody's like, you know, why give money to the arts? Well, y'all are sitting and watching Netflix night and day right now.
Taisha (07:13):
Right?! Right?! That's what you're living off of
Paul (07:16):
If you didn't have that, you know? So, so yeah, so it was, it was, it was a real, it was a really affirming and really, um, yeah, it just did affirming and enriching experience to be able to, to, to apply my craft with young people in a time when it was so nourishing, you know, when, when, and it really made you go, I'm so thankful to be able to do what I do, you know.
Taisha (07:49):
Lessons from the theater for raising ourselves and our kids. Question, how has theater helped you become the person and parent you are today?
Paul (08:03):
It's, it's like a constant sort of loop, you know, like it's like, there are things that feed in from the art and then things that feed the art from being a parent, you know? Um, and, and I feel like that the thing from the arts is just the sense of, of. As a director in an, and I was always a very analytical actor too. I, I was always sort of trying to figure out why are people like that and how do I see through their eyes? How do I, how do I understand that? So that sense of trying to empathize and trying to find, develop a sense of compassion and, and understanding, um, my father was always very short with me and it was always like, you know, kids, ah, and, you know, I I'm, I mean, just the other day, I was kind of a little, little curt with Olivia and I felt really terrible about it afterwards because I was like, you know, she was just scared. She was, she had a splinter, in her finger and she was just beside herself and it came on the heels of her misbehaving it and, and me sort of giving her a talking to about something. And I was like, no, no, no, you've got to see it through her eyes. You've gotta see it through her eyes. And she was really scared. And so you need to, you need to make that right. And so that ability to see through another's eyes and another person's perspective is something that I feel like the arts have brought my, my sort of walk with the arts has sort of brought to my parenting, but then the parenting, you know, the patients take a breath, you know, take a, you know, sort of re take a step backward, all of that stuff. It takes me into the rehearsal room because there are moments where, you know, I've had actors who are beside themselves because something isn't clicking or isn't looking and it's, you're getting frustrated. And I'm just like, okay, how do I diffuse this? How do I take a breath? And it sounds terrible. I don't want to say that I treat them like my children,
Taisha (09:53):
We're actors are known for our emotional expression, but it's not always at the right time like that. You know, there's, you're working through things and there are times where you have to find a way to like, manage your own journey. And I think a lot of times as actors, it could be easy to fall into like a, self-indulgent like, you know, this is very important and I need this person to pay attention to me because I'm having a problem. And which is, I feel like what kids do. It's like, I'm, you know, having all these big feelings right now, and I need someone to pay attention to me and like, walk me through this.
Paul (10:30):
And, you know, the funny thing is that it's like in, in the rehearsal situation, you're sort of like, okay, so why is that? So, so what if I can't get this and this, this and this on, what is it? Okay. So, so, so what, how do we arrive here? What, what was working and, and if you were to maybe use this prop in this moment, would that help? And so there's a lot of like, you know, question answers sort of like finding it through talking people down, you know, and it's, and, and that, with that said, there's also like, in all of these years that I've been doing this, one of the things I've also learned is that every actor is different. Every child is different. You know? I mean, one of the things I learning right now is like, what worked with Olivia is not going to work with Emma. And I mean, they're, they're completely different entities. And, and I have to sort of figure out how do I talk to Emma or how do I, for one-year-old, I don't talk to her, but I, you know, um, but, but it's, but how do I, how do I approach her that, that is now different from how I would have approached Olivia and, and, you know, that's a similar thing. I mean, in the rehearsal room, you're like, okay, this actor is, uh, is, is a very analytical person. She, she, or he are going to, or they are going to be, um, approaching material in a different kind of way than, uh, than an experiential visceral sort of tactile kind of person who gets it by doing it, you know? Um, and, and some people need to sit down and talk through a scene. Some people need to just get up and do a scene. It, you know, it's, there's different, different flavors for different folks. So, you know, and you have to find out how best you can serve them to get what you need.
Taisha (12:18):
The Parent Trap. Question, when did you know you wanted to become a parent?
Paul (12:26):
Well, it was, it was always something that I, when I, when we got married and my wife and I married in 2002, and I always wanted kids because I grew up in a very, in a family, might have a, I have a brother, I have many cousins, you know, siblings and cousins and things was a thing, you know, and I thought that was something that I really wanted. And I remember when I got married, my wife is much younger than me and she, at the time, she was like, no, I don't want kids. And for years she was adamant, she was like, I don't want kids. I don't want kids. I don't want kids to the point where I had it just accepted it. You know, we got to a place where I was just like, Oh, we're just not going to have kids. And I remember, like we had a, a classmate of ours at new school, uh, Josh Bierman when Josh was so embarrassed by it now. But when Josh shared with me that they were expecting their first child towards the end of our, I think it was our end of our third year, I literally was. That's so awesome. I was like, miss side myself with, with excitement, because it was like vicarious for me and just like, yeah. So I, yeah, it was such a big thing. And then what changed was I had an aunt who I was very close to who lived in Montreal and unbeknownst to me, my wife also had a very good con good relationship, like a very close relationship with her. And this aunt of mine passed away very suddenly. She, she developed cancer and, and passed within the space of months. And I went up to Montreal for her Memorial service. And Sarah, my wife couldn't join me. She had to stay behind in Jersey cause she had to work. So I came back and it was the first night back and she was doing something in the bedroom. And I was, it was like a, we had a one bedroom apartment and I was in the living room watching TV. And she, she says to me, she's just sort of out of the blue. She says, you know, I think I'm ready to have a baby. And I was like, wow. And she says, yeah, she says, your aunt passing made me realize that I love family, but the people around us, aren't going to be with us forever. So I want us to have our own family. And I was like, at the time I was like, Oh, okay. I had, I had set my mind in such a way that we've been married 12 years at that point. And I was convinced that we would never have children. And, um, and so it was a lot of shifting, you know, ways of thinking. And then, but then once, you know, Olivia was, I remember going for the first sonogram and sobbing like a baby, because it was just like, like that's a life, that's a life that we created. And then she arrived and you know, it's just like, it's so strange. I keep talking to my mother about it because I see my childhood anew, through the lens of her experience. And I go, Oh, now I understand why mom did that. Well, now I understand why my dad did that. And now I see that, I see why things were the way they were in ways that I had never before. And yeah. So that's how we arrived there.
Taisha (15:52):
Family matters. Question, what are your family values?
Paul (15:59):
You know, it's funny. I don't know, we've ever like codified it, like sat down and said, these are our family values, but like in the, sort of the day-to-day I know that that honesty and compassion and respect for others, dignity and respect for others has always been something that we've really tried to instill, certainly in Olivia in our, you know, we'll do that with Emma as she's getting older. But yeah, I feel like just, just being compassionate and, and, um, receptive to the truths of others and being forthright and honest. Um, you know, I, I, thankfully, I mean, we're knock wood , sorry, I just got, I probably got on, but, um, you know, my biggest fear is when we get, if, and when we haven't hit that place with Olivia yet where she starts lying and, and I'm thankful for it, um, because I, I just want to, I want to be able, I hope my goal is to be able to preserve a relationship with her, where she will feel that she can tell me things and not be afraid to tell me things.
Taisha (17:04):
right.
Paul (17:04):
Um, you know, and, and feel compelled to lie. Um, and, and I feel like that's the thing that I want her to be able to do in life too, is that, you know, we have to, and I keep telling her, you have to take responsibility for the things that you do and say, but if you take responsibility for those things more often than not, you're going to discover that things will actually work out better for you in the end.
Taisha (17:26):
Right.
Paul (17:27):
It's, it's harder if you try to, to sort of shy away from it or turn away from it. And, um, and that's been a big one with us. Um, both, both Sarah and me, you know, in terms of how we've, how we've sort of spoken to Olivia about things. That's sort of it,
Taisha (17:43):
I mean, that's a huge one. I mean, to take responsibility and accountability for what you, what you say. I mean, you look around the world and it's like, Oh, I feel like, at least for me, and just from what you're saying, like, I wish so much, so many more people would have that as like something we were doing for ourselves, not even worrying about like trying to push on other people, but just like owning for ourselves. Um,
Paul (18:05):
You know, it's so funny when I was, it stems back from me from strangely from theater, when I was an undergrad, I was, um, you learn to you to work with when you're working with people to realize something. And especially in an endeavor where people are putting their hearts and souls into the mix that inevitably you're going to bruise somebody's ego in some way, shape or form. And one of the lessons I learned, and I can't even tell you how it came about. It was just one of those things where something went down in a rehearsal between myself and another actor performing. And I knew that I was in the wrong, and I think I, I apologized and I remember feeling like I feel so much better. And I walked away from the rehearsal feeling like, why didn't I always do that? Like own my shit in the moment and then, and then we can, we can all move on, you know?
Taisha (19:04):
Yeah, that fuckin ego of ours.
Paul (19:05):
I mean, it's the hardest thing. I think the hardest thing right now for, in the world today though, is I feel like sometimes people are making mistakes and aren't even aware that they're making mistakes. And, and so often I just wish I wish people were more straight, you know, when the, and just sort of say, Hey dude, that's not good. So that, that individual has the opportunity to say, Oh, I'm sorry. You know, and I'll change. You know, there's a lot of, there's a lot. The worst thing I feel like a person can do is just sort of harbor grudges and just carry that. Cause that stuff eats at you and it ultimately devours you. So I try to just sort of let go.
Taisha (19:48):
This magic moment, a short story before you go about a magical moment with your child that will warm your heart forever.
Paul (20:03):
Olivia, we signed her up, crazy, we signed her up for dance class. I'd like for two year olds at Alvin Ailey of all places. My goodness. Yeah. And, and so we were living in Jersey and, and Sarah would take her for the class every Saturday morning, but it was terrible because Sarah would go and they would get to Olivia would be, yay we're going to dance. Can we go? They get to the studio, they get to the threshold of the door. And she would sob and be like, I don't want, I don't want to. So every time Sarah would take her, they'd inevitably come back. And, and eventually it got to a place where I was like, we paid some money for this. And I spoke to Sarah, I'm going to take her to the class and we're going to, we're going to, even if we sit on the side for the whole class we're gonna stay. And so it was one of those days I took into city week. It's terrible. She was, she was crying and it was miserable, but we got through the dance class. And afterwards I said to her, he wanted to go to the zoo. And she goes, yeah. And he was one of those hot, hot summer days. Really stiflingly hot. And we went to the, the central park zoo and we were walking around and wanting to go see the snow leopards of all things on a summer. It, and we're at the snow leopard enclosure in the boulders there. And you can look in, and we couldn't see the leopard. We're sitting on this for this big giant border, this little tiny two year old girl in me. And, and I'm just like, and next thing you know, out of the blue unprompted, she goes, she calls me Papa. She goes, she goes, pop up. I love you. I she'd never said it to me before. Never said that before. And the fact that she just did it on her own in this moment when I was hot, exhausted, it just seared itself into my memory and, and it, and it stays with me forever. It's one of those magical experiences ever. And yeah, I was like, thanks, pal.
Taisha (22:00):
That's so beautiful. Thank you kind, sir. I'd like to thank Paul Takacs for taking out time to spend with me and share his experience as an artist and parent with you. If you'd like to find out more about Paul and the work that he's done and currently working on, you can find him at his website, paultakacsdirector.com [email protected]. And he's also on Instagram and Facebook. And I will leave all of those links in the show notes below.
Taisha (22:45):
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton, the musical. I wanna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens. I wanna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens.
Taisha (23:12):
The room where theatre happens is a sacred space. And I'm talking the room where the magic begins. The room in which all the artists gather at the start of a new project. The table, they sit around to speak life into the words the playwright has gifted them or to discuss the creation of a brand new work is a Haven for holistic creative expression. The room where this happens is the rehearsal room. This room is your home, your safe space to experiment and explore, question and disagree, try and try again, fail gloriously, and find the breadth of your character within the story. I love being on stage. I love moving the work from the rehearsal room to the theatre, but man, I cherish this time in the rehearsal rooms so much. It's where the beginning of the magic happens. As a mother, I've worked to create our home as a rehearsal space for Angelica, the rehearsal for life. There was a teacher at The New School for Drama, who would always say, "it's just a rehearsal." My husband and I have chosen to create a home where Angelica is free to express her full range of emotions with complete acceptance. We offer her the props, AKA toys and creative stimulation. We feel will engage her imagination. We sit down with her to discuss her feelings, to share her thoughts, to honor her character development. Our rehearsal space gets messy, literally and figuratively. I want our home to be the safest, most nurturing, accepting, respectful, and creative place. It can be so she knows what that feels like and create that for herself in a world that doesn't always value the same ideas. I want her to know what it feels like to be in the magic of the room, where it happens. So let's Raise a glass to celebrate the magic of the theater and the room where it happens.
Taisha (25:28):
That's all for today, guys and dolls. I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Paul in this first episode of the artistic parenting series. This season, I'll be talking with seven other theater parents about the lessons they've learned from the theater for raising themselves and their kids next week. We'll continue. Another episode of artistic parenting with actor theater, educator, and father of two Isaiah Johnson. We met back in DC a long, long, long, long time ago, and have stayed in touch throughout our separate graduate training and life. He's immensely talented and a fantastic person to talk to. I think you'll really enjoy our conversation. There are lots of different ways to support projects and people who you feel are making a positive difference in the world. Some ways are to support financially and others are to give of your time and energy and little ways that say, "keep up the good work you got this." I started a podcast supporter page through buy me a coffee for those who are interested and able to show support to this artistic project, financially. The link in the show notes allows you to buy me a drink to say, I support your work girl, keep it up. If you're interested in contributing drinks on a regular basis, there's also a membership option. Now, if buying me a drink seems too forward, or you're that person in the bar hoping someone is going to buy you a drink, because you broke as hell. There are tons of free ways to show your love rating and reviewing the episode you just listened to is a fantastic way to say thank you. Following @ MFA parenting addition on Instagram is another sharing this episode or other episodes you've enjoyed with a friend is a wonderful way to spread the word and a way to help the show grow. I appreciate you for taking the time to listen today. It is not lost on me that you can be listening to anything else in the world. So I want to say thank you for showing up to learn with me different ways. We can build the best relationship with ourselves and our kids. The world needs you. So go forth and kicketh some ass. Again, thank you and I'll see you on the other side.