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This week's Artistic Parenting conversation is with actor, mama, tour guide extraordinaire, and adventurer, Amanda Tudor. Today we talk about the the fourth trimester blues, the spark to become a mom, how to be of benefit to the world and your child through the arts, and we get a story of a magical moment with her infant son Jack that is forever imprinted on her heart.
Today's Raise a Glass series lyrics are:
"And when my time is up, have I done enough? Will they tell your story? Oh, can I show you want I'm proudest of?"
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Full Transcript:
Episode 33 - Motherhood is Not for Wimps
Taisha: [00:00:00]Welcome to MFA the parenting edition. I'm Taisha Cameron, these lessons from the theater for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy, better than life as a full-time actor in today's episode, we'll be talking with actor and mama, Amanda Tudor about the fourth trimester, transitioning to motherhood and how we can be of benefit to the world and our children through our work in the arts.
We'll explore some challenging questions and as always, we'll end our episode with the raise a glass series. So without further ado, this is MFA
Episode 33. Motherhood is not for wimps
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there doing your thing, showing up with love for your babies, who put in the hard work of [00:01:00] building meaningful relationships with new humans. I give you all the love. Motherhood is sacred. It's a treasured bond you make with another soul on their journey through life.
And I get that that might not be the truth of motherhood for you or for other mamas, you know, and that's fine. Everyone has their own different experience of this path. One thing we can all agree on though, is that building a relationship with another human being is tough. We all have days in which we don't want to show up. We don't want to do the work, but somehow we do.
I want to say thank you to my mommy who has not slept well since I was born, who gave her heart to being a stay at home mom. Who sacrificed things she wanted to do, places she wanted to go, and other dreams she had to take on the lifelong work of being an exceptional mother.
I know we didn't make it [00:02:00] easy. As a mom now I find myself apologizing for all the things I did as a child that made you crazy and anxious and I will probably keep apologizing for the rest of my life. You've been a wonderful example of a strong mother and a woman in my life. And while there are things I'm choosing to do different and still don't get why you are so strict about so many things. I know it was from love that you made all the choices you did. For that I am grateful.
Before we kick things off let's take a moment and reflect on all the mamas in our life that are no longer walking the motherhood journey on this earth with us, but are forever in our hearts.
Now. Today, I'm honored to share with you the next episode in the Artistic parenting series. For anyone jumping [00:03:00] in for the first time, the artistic parenting series is a collection of conversations with other artists about the lessons they've learned from the theater for raising themselves and their kids. My goal for these particular episodes is to share gifts from other artists to help us see the world, the arts, our kids, and ourselves with new eyes.
Be our guest
On the show today, I'll be sharing parts of my conversation with actor, mamma, tour guide, extraordinare and life adventurer, Amanda Tudor. I first met Amanda eight or nine years ago at a Savvy Actor business weekend workshop. I don't exactly remember how we became friends, but before I knew it, there were four of us in this little Sex in the City group, getting together for lunch, chatting about our lives, talking shop or dreams and planning, fancy dinner parties. And by that, I mean that we literally got out old gowns of [00:04:00] ours that we hadn't worn in forever, like from weddings we'd been to or from prom and went out to dinner. Amanda is a graduate of the University of Hartford has performed off-Broadway and all of the off-Broadway , through her tour guide career could probably tell you about most museums on the East coast and is one of the most adventurous people I have met in my life.
I'm going to put her website in the show notes so that you can see what she's been up to her newest adventure is joining the motherhood club. She has a handsome little munchkin named Jack who makes a little cameo at the end of this episode, when she has a breastfeed him during our chat, you'll hear all the cute, tiny little baby sounds that just make your heart melt.
And now, onto our chat,
Quick note about sound. At around the 10 minute mark, it gets a bit choppy and clears up after about two minutes. When I recorded this interview with Amanda a few months back, I was a newbie in the interview process. So [00:05:00] there were some things I naively didn't know how best to fix and avoid so please be patient with me as a relatively new podcaster and focus on Amanda's words. I'm working all the time to improve the sound quality of the show. So you can have an awesome listening experience. Thank you.
Yes, please. Question. When did you know you wanted to be a mom?
Amanda: I remember trying to breastfeed a doll through my belly button.
Then I told my mom that like one boob was orange juice and one boop was milk.
So I didn't know the details. I knew that it was something [00:06:00] that I wanted. Yeah. I think also I've always, I've always been motherly. I like taking care of people and like helping people. So there's always been that caregiver side of me which my mother definitely is. But I think as I kind of came up through college, there were a number of instances where I taught kids and would get attached to some kids where then, you know, as I started moving through my twenties, And started thinking about how I wanted my life to look.
It became more and more important that as a female who hopefully could have children, I wanted that experience because what an amazing thing that our bodies can do.
Taisha: Right.
Amanda: I didn't want to look back when I was in my fifties and sixties and say, gosh, I wish I wish I would have done that.
And especially after I got married and we had talked about our hopes and goals and, you know, if we wanted a family and what we wanted that [00:07:00] family to look like it became more and more solidified that we did want a child, but I just love kids. I just it's so joyful. And I, I like playing. I like having that excuse to be a kid and getting on the floor and doing arts and crafts.
Oh, darn I have to color with you. Yes. Yes. It's a rough day.
Taisha: Yeah,
Amanda: and even, even this past Christmas, I was talking to my husband about, you know, like the magic of Christmas.
And I was like, he's only a couple of weeks old, but I want to like tell him about Santa and have him get excited about this. And, you know, I like made cookies and put some out anyways, even though it was for nobody. And I definitely ate the cookies.
Taisha: That's awesome. Like starting that tradition early for your family.
Amanda: I just, I it's so much, I just need cookies also [00:08:00] perfectly on it. I need cookies and milk tonight. Oh, look it right.
Yeah, sometimes we just need cookies, but I, I just, I love playing. I love it so much. In college, my theater program, had a relationship with Hartford stage where we performed in a Christmas Carol, every senior class. And there were two casts of kids and it was just the most fun if I could go back and just play with the kids, I would. I remember having snowball fights with them, like crumpling up paper and like making forts in the green room and saying ready, set, go with just all of the children. I mean, that's just my favorite thing.
So where in my mind, I'm like, I want a brood of children, so I can do that kind of thing. Now that I've gone through this [00:09:00] experience of being pregnant and labor and. The fourth trimester once maybe I'll just play with their friends. Maybe, maybe be the mom that wants everybody at her house. Oh yes.
Taisha: You get them back afterwards, all wired up and crazy as hell. We're going to have a great time together.
Amanda: Snowball fights and cookies,
Taisha: and then they're yours. Good luck getting them to bed.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm fine with that.
Taisha: You're welcome because they're so exhausted. They pass out.
Amanda: That's right. And, and other moms get like some time to themselves, they can go sleep or something.
Taisha: Transitioning to Motherhood. Question. What's the fourth trimester and tell us of your experience transitioning to motherhood. [00:10:00]
Amanda: I just, hadn't been around a lot of other women that talked openly about it and I think there's a lot of pressure to hide, how we're actually feeling how hard it is or how difficult that moment. And I don't think that I personally had any postpartum depression or anxiety. But I definitely had blues where, I've kind of thought, Oh, you know, this will be over in two weeks. And I guess the movies kind of perpetuate that thought as well, but there's like a moment of sadness and then you kind of get on with your life. But I had a C-section as well. So while my body was physically healing and I wasn't sleeping and I was trying to get up and take care of him and lift him and hold him. And meanwhile, I would just cry for no reason. And I think that it's a totally normal, totally every woman experience, I just didn't expect it. So my expectations were, this will be a moment and then, we'll get on with it, the child rearing, [00:11:00] it just didn't happen that way. And really in the past couple of weeks, maybe in the past two to three weeks, if I come out of this fog and I'm feeling like again, and I think it's hard partially, because my body is healing and I said yes to pelvic floor therapy. So my, my body feels more like my body. And now that he's sleeping on more of a schedule and you know, there's, I think every woman also goes through a moment where their child doesn't want to leave their arms. So every nap, yeah. Even at night, I was in survival mode and I never thought I would co-sleep didn't thought that that was in the cards for me, but I talked to my OB, I talked to other moms about this experience and everybody says, don't co-sleep do not co-sleep. But then the moment of, you know, survival, when I could not put him down, I started co-sleeping and all of these other women were like, yeah, I did it too.
[00:12:00] I did it for two months. I did it for doctors. My pediatrician said that she was co-sleeping, you know? So there's moments like that, that, all the books that you read are saying one thing, and there's this other, like under the surface actual experiences. So, while moms say like, Oh yeah, the first six weeks are terrible. No, it's not just terrible. It's like, you're fighting for your life. And you know, nobody else, well, support is wonderful. My parents came to visit and Tim's parents came to visit. But it was still like I felt like I was drowning a lot and only recently have I really come up for air. And like I said, I feel like a fog has just lifted. And I just, I wasn't prepared and I want to like shake some of my friends and say like, why didn't you tell me? Right. Because there's, I think there's so much pressure to have a healthy pregnancy and you know, what to do while you're pregnant and what happens at the hospital.
And what's your birth plan? There's, there's so much focus on that and not [00:13:00] nearly enough focus on what comes next. And, you know, only through like Instagram memes, did I realize that, I wasn't alone, that this was like experience and, finding some of those Instagram accounts, during endless hours of breastfeeding was I really comforted.
So thank you, Instagram mom bloggers, because I just felt. I was like, okay, so this isn't everybody experience and I'm not doing something wrong. Like there's nothing wrong with me. This is what happens. And I just, I just, every, every person that tells me that that they're pregnant now look, about the fourth trimester, it's real. And, like I said, I just, I think that there's not enough conversation. I think that there's this pressure, you know, for women, especially in America to go back to work, on with your life and, you know, maybe pump out another baby. Like there's just not enough [00:14:00] emphasis on that moment of pause and healing and it's going to be terrible for three months. I don't think anybody really emphasize that enough to me that I want to, I want to speak up and I want to talk about, no, it doesn't have to be okay. You don't have to be okay. And you don't have to be in like cute pictures you know, the perfect looking mom on Instagram. I think I wore the same clothes for weeks and weeks, you know and then the baby got sick on it and then I would change.
Taisha: Okay. Fine. I have to change now, obviously
Amanda: It's okay. I'm, sleeping and eating and like living on the couch in these clothes. Okay. I just, I want other moms to know that it's it's normal. Because it felt not normal to me. And I remember calling my mom and [00:15:00] was crying about, I dunno something. And she was like, yeah, Amanda, you did that too. I was like, Oh my God, Oh my God, this has been happening for upwards of 30 years. All babies go through this and not just me. Oh my God. And it really did take that moment of her to say like, yes, this is, this is what happens. That's what babies do. It was like a bolt of lightening.
Taisha: Yeah. When, when we're, in it, it definitely feels like we are the only ones. This is a unique experience for us. And no one else seems to understand the gravity of it. And, and there's a certain extent of it. That is true because no one else is going through the exact situation and the exact same way with the baby that we've been given with our ability to process that and however our body's going through our healing, but. Every person who chooses to go down the path of bringing a child into the world [00:16:00] experiences, similar things to,
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Taisha: You know, whatever extent. And so there is comfort in that as long as we're all being more open about talking about the realities of it and not pulling away into ourselves and feeling either ashamed or just stuck in loneliness or feeling judged by others or judging others because, well, why can't they just like pull themselves together or I'm doing this now and I'm doing that now. Everyone should just be able to like move on and go forward with the baby. And I think it's really. A beautiful thing that we're living in a time where, while we don't have like villages in the same way that like people like had them because they think we are, especially now everyone is so like isolated, but those villages are turning into communities online. So you can see those Instagram accounts where you're just like, Oh yeah, that meme right there. That's me. That's me. Oh my God. So, and someone created that. So [00:17:00] that's probably them, which means that we are now finding ourselves in the same place. Like, Oh, thank you for sharing that because now I feel not so alone in this.
Amanda: Yeah. Yep. It is very lonely. Even though I've found myself surrounded by. Well, not obviously a lot of people because it is COVID, but you know, here I have my son on one arm and my loving, wonderfully supportive husband. And it's, it's nothing that he could have done or said, or, you know, nothing that our parents could have done or said, but I really just did feel like I was swimming upstream by myself and we just got to talk about it.
We have to talk about it more we really do. There needs to be more conversation. I think women deserve more postpartum visits, not just like a six week and you're done kind of deal. I think we should, have therapists ready and physical therapists and OBS and you know, [00:18:00] whatever support new mothers need.
And God, I think about parents of multiples or single parents.
Taisha: Oh, good God.
Amanda: And, and you, you said something that I've thought a lot about as well. No, two women have the same experience and, while I might find breastfeeding difficult, you might find breastfeeding very easy, so there's, there's just, no path is the same, but all difficult, you know, we're all climbing the same mountain on different paths and none of them are really easy.
And when, when I was going into labor and you know, I think other moms know too that the first labor there's lots of false starts and, you know, he didn't descend very quickly. So I spent a lot of time in labor. And then as you know, toiling and like stressing about getting the drugs, there's this mom that comes wheeled up in a wheelchair, she's very calm. And she said, I'm in labor. I said, [00:19:00] how do you know? And she said, my water broke. And I said, okay, is this your first child? And she said, no, it's my eighth.
Taisha: Oh my God.
Amanda: Oh my gosh. Is that, what is that? What happened? Like here I am sweating and stressing and like, I can't breathe. I'm like reminding myself, you know, all of the lessons that I've learned about breathing and here, this lady is just as calm as can be. She's like, I know what's, what's about to happen. I know what's going on. Oh, my God.
Taisha: I'm just here because I can't administer the drugs myself and I need someone else to do that for me. But if not, like I wouldn't have to, to this hospital. Yeah. Like I already know what to do. Like I got this guy, it's just catch it. I could probably do it at that point, but
Amanda: Maybe her mountain was a little bit more known. Like she knew the path.
Taisha: But do we have to have eight babies before? We're like,
Amanda: Oh my God. Oh my gosh.
Taisha: I know you said that you had a [00:20:00] C-section. I had one, we had to have a scheduled one, so I never went through labor, you know, I didn't experience any of that. What was the reason you guys ended up having a C-section?
Amanda: So I had pushed the three hours. And he was sunny side up. So he was facing the wrong way and they were doing a lot to try to turn him they, at one point they got baby shampoo and we're trying to like, soap him up, to flip him around and every time I was pushing his heart rate was dropping. And his chin was tilted up instead of tucked under. So instead of his cute little head coming out, it was more like his face was trying to come out. So, so the doctor after three hours was like, look, that's about, that's about it. We're running into some problems that could get better or they could get worse. But she said, I recommend a C-section and I just remember everybody in the room [00:21:00] treating me with kid gloves. Like, how is she going to take it? Is it going to be okay? Hmm. And honestly, my birth plan was to have a healthy baby, I wasn't anti C-section. I wasn't, all I knew was that I wanted an epidural. I knew, friends of mine were like, you should try. And I was like, Nope, I think, I think I'm going to want some drugs.
Taisha: Right. And that's why they're there.
Amanda: You know, I, I commend any woman who, wants to go that path and maybe he would've descended in a different way had I not gotten the epidural.
Taisha: Right.
Amanda: But girl, after I labored at home for about 12 or 14 hours as well, Nope. I,
Taisha: At some point we need to call it and
Amanda: That's it. I want the drugs, I want them to quickly. And th it was like four o'clock in the morning. So they, they weren't busy. And as soon as I said, I want an epidural, like the. Heavenly man came in with the [00:22:00] drugs and administered them.
And you know, there were, there were lots of, of nurses kind of flying around. It was all very nervous. I remember being nervous when they were like, okay, it's time to push. And I remember being very nervous when they said, okay, we're gonna make this C-section happen. And of course I know Amanda's logical brain says, okay, I know that everybody is, you know, swirling around and this is what they trained for that you know, emergency C-sections happen.
This wasn't an emergency, but I know, but it just happened so fast. And I remember looking at Tim, like behind this blue curtain and was just like, what is happening? Two minutes ago I was in another room and now I'm in an operating room.
Yeah.
And this is all very new and, you know, for them, you know, they're all like chatting and I'm like, this is, this is new for me.
It's not for you, but it's new for me. Right. So I, my husband was [00:23:00] just sitting next to my head. We were talking about rather, he was rambling on about why the new Jurassic park series were so terrible and our favorite episodes of the office. And I just, I just encouraging him. I was like, talk to me about anything, meanwhile, you know, on the other side of this curtain, and I'm sure there's like Gore and you know, the miracle of life happening.
But I was so deer in headlights that I'm, I really needed him to be babbling about all of that. Yeah. And I don't know if he practiced that speech because he had a long list of why the new Jurassic Parks were so terrible. So maybe it occurred to me later that maybe he was like,
Taisha: That's awesome.
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah. So it, you know, it,
Taisha: it was like his own little backup plan.
Amanda: Yes. Yeah, yeah. Just in case, this goes way word, distract Amanda. But thank God for [00:24:00] him. He, he really was a super partner during all of that and where I'm very type A and get things done early and very structured.
It's very relaxed and like, it will get done. So to have him in that moment, I mean, I couldn't have asked for a better partner.
Taisha: Family values question? What are your family values
Amanda: I think that if, if the world operated with more empathy, I think there would be a lot more joy and happiness. I really do because, especially now I hope that politically, that, you know, things start to change because I, I don't know when we started not being able to have conversations about some of these things [00:25:00] and, just being able to say, what does $15 an hour do for somebody, even though it doesn't matter to me, it might really, really matter to someone else.
And just, you know, and just to take a second or say, it doesn't matter to me that student loans are forgiven, but maybe this person can't move out of their parents' basement without a little student loan forgiveness, you know? And just being able to take a moment and question and look at things through the other person's eyes.
I think if I can instill one thing from me to Jack, it'll be that empathy. And especially with kids, you know, kids are such self-centered little, little monsters sometimes, you know being able to say,
I know, right. Instead of making fun of someone, maybe I can teach him to step [00:26:00] back and question why they're like this, or even, you know what, I want somebody talking to me in this manner. That empathy is a big one. And actually Tim and I have talked about that a bunch. I also, I think like we were saying earlier having that balance of some of Tim's strengths and some of my strengths that.
It's so important to be able to go with the flow and be relaxed and calm about things, but also, you know, get things in on time and have that kind of get up and go personality as well. But they're both equally important. Yeah, buddy they're both equally important. So you know, you don't end up like me, like a ball of stress all the time, but that you're also motivated to get up and do things, right.
So that balance and another conversation that we've had, Tim and I were [00:27:00] both raised religious he's Boston Catholic and I grew up well first Kentucky Baptist church, and then in Michigan it was more of a relaxed non-denominational kind of deal. So if we, I don't think we're going to raise him in the church, then, that that's where we got a lot of our morals, a lot of that, be good to your mother.
Don't lie, don't steal, don't cheat. How do you instill a lot of those values without the indoctrination of, of the church? So, you know, we've, we've kind of been discussing that and we don't have an answer, but you know, I think Tim's kind of take care of things as, as they come at, you will be very helpful .
That that feeling of, of taking things as they come and having a plan. So it's really both of us, right. Having a plan. It's, it's just, it's just so hard to predict
[00:28:00] we're switching. It's hard to predict and know the problems before they come up. So, you know, I, I, not sure I want to prepare for all of the scenarios because I, I think that he will not be a crazy serial killer stalker, but he'll have some inherently good qualities that we can praise with positive reinforcement.
And I mean, Tim and I are so lucky, both of our parents are so wonderful and supportive and loving. That we have some really good role models. And I'm sure that I will call my mom crying more than once and say, what did you do to help this? And how did you get over this? And how did you teach?
Especially my brother and my brother was a much more difficult child than I was. More mischievous will, will say that. So I'm sure with Jack, there will be plenty of mischief and figuring out how to [00:29:00] not squash that because I think a little mischief is good, but yeah, but also, you know, not having him be, a rascal.
Taisha: And I think it's, it's what you were just saying about not wanting to squash things, like find it, it's the balance between finding where's the line that we're like, this is acceptable and this is not, you know, this, we can kind of be like, all right, we can let that go a little bit. And this falls into the category of, Oh hell no, this is not going down here.
Amanda: Not okay.
Taisha: Yeah. Because part of it is like they have to go through their own experience and journey, you know, it's not our journey and it's not our responsibility to mold them into a version that we want them to be. It's like guiding them towards the version of themselves that they have to be, but also teaching them how to be in this world.
Yeah. You know, like, cause there are rules, there are things that is like. It is important to learn how [00:30:00] to be in society. Can't do it all right, whatever way you want, but like, we're all different and we have to honor those differences and there's going to be so much of him that is you and Tim, and then there's going to be the part that's uniquely him.
Amanda: Yup. Yup.
Taisha: And it's so beautiful.
Amanda: It's a friend of mine recently. She was doing an arts project with her two year old and she was talking about how hard it was not to reach over and show her the right way to do it, but to let her kind of, do whatever wacky, crazy art thing that she wanted to do.
Taisha: Yeah.
Amanda: And I was like, Oh man, I didn't even think about how I'm going to want to control an art project, you know?
Taisha: Yeah.
Amanda: And when he says, mommy do it for me and to have the wherewithal to say no, babe, You do it, you make a mistake, you figure it out. And I [00:31:00] remember very specifically in college I had like a plumbing issue at a house that I was renting and I called my mom in a panic and was like, Oh my God, I have no idea what to do.
What's happening. And she was like, Oh gosh, that's terrible. Good luck. Let me know how, what happens. And I was like, you're not going to tell me what to do. She was like, Ooh, no, but you can figure it out. You're smart girl. Good luck. And I mean, as terrible and as mad as I was I'll never forget how important that was as well, because you know, she was saying, you're a big girl, Amanda.
You, you can figure this out.
Taisha: Yeah.
Amanda: So as soon as he's a big enough boy, he's going to figure it out too.
Taisha: Yeah. There's so many layers. There's so many emotions. Part of it was like, Oh, come on, mom. Just like help me, you know, like that thing. And there's no, that's actually really important. We just, we sometimes need to be told you got this.
Especially now it's like, it's a scenario [00:32:00] where you're going to, it's one of those not even sink or swim, because like, eventually it's a plumbing thing. Someone's going to notice, someone's going to show up, somebody's going to figure this out. But really like, we have to do that as parents.
Amanda: The other thing that I've been thinking a lot about and even before I had him, I, I was thinking about his relationship to women. And how wonderful it is that Tim respects, not only me and his mother, but all the women in his life and to be able to role play what respect to women looks like, but to also make sure that he knows what consent is and that he knows, you know, how to treat little girls and little boys.
But I I've thought a lot about how to instill some of those values [00:33:00] and, and how to make sure he knows, make sure that we set some of those, those rules to make sure that he's the best functioning member of society that we can can put out there. Because I think, I think that does start at home and I'm sure I'll come across a lot more issues.
You know, kind of as we go and things that I haven't even thought of. You know, but that, that's one thing. That's kind of struck me recently, especially with the me too movement and, and, you know, the black lives matter and just, how can he be aware and contribute?
Taisha: It's so wonderful that we are living in a time when there are a lots of parents that are thinking from the same place.
And I'd love. I feel like throughout history, the only way we get here is that there have been people doing that. But to [00:34:00] know that with social media, with all the things that are reflecting back to us at like a more, at a bigger scale, like what's going on, that we do have people that are saying, yeah, Oh, no, this is actually important that it starts at home.
The consent starts at home, the education about empathy and how to bring that to everyone you deal with. And everyone you interact with, like that starts at home. That's not something I send you off to school to learn.
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Taisha: It needs to start here. And that has to be a huge part of
Amanda: school is where you get to practice those things.
Taisha: Yes.
Amanda: At home is where we're going to learn those things.
question? Taisha: What lessons from the theater have you pulled on or been reminded of to help you through motherhood? [00:35:00]
Amanda: Well, I think, I think a lot of that will come. I know you've talked about yes and, and that sense of play and I think just teaching kids will be a valuable skill that will come back up. Because there were so many times I would have this, you know, fantastic kind of itinerary and syllabus. And I was like, great, this is going to take the whole class and then you start doing it and they're done 15 minutes.
Taisha: What do I do now?
Amanda: I have no backup plan having like, a kind of bag of tricks that, you know, great. Here's some colored pencils and here's some other art supplies. And I remember for long car trips which we took a lot as kids. My mom had like baskets of toys and she rotated them and, you know, there would be different things or like new things [00:36:00] would show up.
And I just remember thinking back. At those basket of toys and being like, no mom, that was very clever of you. And like, not to, and not to give us like the whole shebang, but to say like here's a little bit, and here's a little bit more so that, you know, we're not bored all at once. So that, that kind of stuff, and just having the like we've been saying that sense of play and that sense of, of magic and imagination and, you know, having a lot of, a lot of tricks, having a lot of games and a lot of a playtime and allowing them that empathy driven imagination I think is going to serve me well.
Something that keeps coming back to me, Which is actually where we met, what are some of the tools that I garnered with Jody Bentley and Kevin urban at the savvy actor. One phrase that has kind of been [00:37:00] my mantra in a lot of ways is the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And I think about that constantly.
It's, why you know, when, when talking about myself, I like to say not, not tell you, but show you, so instead of telling you that I'm very dedicated and driven, and I'm good with the schedule, I'll talk about how I've run 15 half marathons, and I plan on running a race in it for you, every state. So that's like commitment and drive and, you know, so then I can show you, instead of telling them, and during this, this early phase, and especially during the fourth trimester I keep thinking about strength and where it comes from, and that kind of perseverance and knowing that things are temporary and even, I mean, there's so many parallels, you know, a terrible show or a bad audition, or, you [00:38:00] know, something, you just have to pick yourself up and, and move on to the next one.
And it it's like that with, with Jack, it's terrible. And sometimes I fail at, you know, naps and sleeping, but tomorrow's another day and having the strength to forget about what just happened and move on to the next day. So that, that strength and that perseverance and that drive, I think that there's a lot of Character building that comes with the actual business of acting 100%.
So yeah. So while we're where there's that play and imagination, once you get the role, there is this other hardening of the business, especially in New York that like, pounding the pavement and, having all of that rejection and just knowing that, you know, just because he doesn't want to play on the floor right now does not mean that I'm a terrible mom.
It just means that we've got to do something else.
Taisha: Yeah. Yeah.
Amanda: So there's this [00:39:00] like pick yourself up and keep going, pick yourself up and keep going. And yeah. How, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So having the kind of strength and tools and get up and go, but it takes to be an actor and motherhood is no joke. Motherhood is not for wimps. Motherhood is not easy. I know it's going to be different hard from here on out, but it has been hard at these first few months. And I mean, pregnancy to pregnancy is not for wimps either.
Taisha: No, that is like, your body is going through insane changes. That's really hard work.
And I think a lot of times we don't give ourselves enough credit. In the sense of like, not like a Pat on the back, like, you know what I just did with your pregnancy? Not necessarily that, but like allowing ourselves the space to be like, I'm doing something difficult right now. It might not look like that, but I need to rest.
Making an impact question. How do you want to be of benefit to the world [00:40:00] and to your son through your work?
Amanda: Ooh, good question. So when I really boiled down why I love the theater and why I love doing what we do I come up with storytelling and sharing with community and I've been so lucky.
To have storytelling and multiple facets of my life. My side job, even though I've had, Oh, so many we'll call them side careers. So many side careers. What I've been doing for the past five years is a lot of ways performing. And I, I, I see it in so many people when I watch other people do this. But I've been working as a tour guide and
Taisha: I feel like I remember you doing that in the city,
Amanda: in New York.
Taisha: Yeah, yeah,
[00:41:00] Amanda: Yeah, I still do. I do lots of like overnight trips with schools and their school trips and with adults and day trips and museum tours. And I mean, if pick a, pick a museum, pick a monument on the East coast and I can probably tell you fun facts and probably give you a two hour tour through that museum. But all of my skills who transferred over into being a tour guide you know, because while I could sit here and rattle off, you know, a hundred facts about the statue of Liberty, that's very boring. And a lot of people call that data dumping where it's like, listen to all of the things that I know. But the better way, the more engaging way, the more memorable way to tell those stories and to have people remember is to weave together a really interesting engaging tale [00:42:00] and performance. So if I can get you amped about, Gustave Eiffel and his contribution to the statue of Liberty, or, the women who lit off fireworks from a boat on the day of inauguration of the statue of Liberty shouting about votes for women that that's much more entertaining than just hearing about how tall it is, you know, why there's chains around her feet. So I've taken a lot of those skills and, and turn them into this, this other career that I love. And I've found a lot of success, especially with kids, kids. I mean, they're the most honest critics, right? If you're boring, they'll tell you.
Taisha: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You know immediately.
Amanda: Yep. So to be able to take those skills and, and play, and again, the bag of tricks. I learned really quickly, use [00:43:00] technology, use their cell phones if they're going to be in their cell phones, use their cell phones. So to be able to have that kind of same bag of tricks that I can call upon and say, okay, everybody's zoning out, let's play a game. Or let's talk about, you know, where, what the most expensive hotel, you know, or you want to talk about movies in DC. Let's talk about movies in DC. So there's, there's that same play and. In, in a deeper level, more than just entertaining kids, I've had some really profound experiences as a tour guide through these stories, you know I remember at the statue of Liberty, we would do time of the statue of Liberty. And then we would go over to Ellis Island. And I mean, I must've done this tour, I don't know how many times. But it was like a four hour tour and for people with kids, listen, I know it's a lot and they don't care about Ellis Island. They'd really just want to just [00:44:00] see the green lady and climb the steps and see the statute. I get it. So there's this dad, he had three kids, probably like five, seven and nine, and his wife. They were from Detroit. And after the statue, he was like, listen, I think we're going to dip. And I was like, I totally get it. It's a long day. And he's like, no, it's not that I just don't care about a bunch of vacationing Europeans. I don't want to hear these stories. And I was like, Ooh, okay. I hear what you're saying because it's not your heritage. But tell you what, there's 20 minutes when the ferry is going to leave to take you back to Manhattan from Ellis Island. Give me 20 minutes if you're totally bored. Cool. I get it. Get on the ferry, but if not, like give it a chance. It's if nothing else, it's a beautiful building and they've done so many beautiful things with [00:45:00] the buildings on Ellis Island that it's, it's worth checking out.
And he said, okay, kind of rolled his eyes. He stayed with me for another hour and a half until the end of the tour. And he came up to me afterwards and said, you know, I don't know if I wasn't ready to hear it. Or if I had just built up walls about other cultures that weren't my culture. But I had a lot of anger about it. And now I can see how difficult it was for some of these, you know, other cultures and other minorities coming in through this particular immigration point. And I went home and cried. I mean, just to, to open up. I mean, I think theater can do the same thing. I see so many parallels, you know just seeing the world through someone else's eyes and saying, Hey, here's a moment of empathy. Won't you join me while I tell you this story. And you know, you can weave in first person accounts. And, but I mean, especially Ellis Island has, [00:46:00] has, you know, really grim undertones underneath the, the joy and hope that is immigration, but there was a lot of really terrible things that happened there as well.
So to be able to open up somebody's world and especially somebody with kids to then say, you know, pass this on to your children. And what else can you think about and what else, what other cultures and stories can you give them as well as a father? That was a really profound moment.
Taisha: That man now has, his perspective has shifted. Even if it's just slightly it's shifted enough where he'll start questioning. And if he's questioning, then when his kids come to him with questions and ideas or stuff that they've either heard him say, or other people say, he's going to look at it from a different angle and come back, not with so much anger and hate and resistance and fear and whatever else is there. But with [00:47:00] a, I don't have the answers or let's explore, let's find out, or I wonder what that might be like for people living through that experience. Yeah.
We have the ability to shift people's perspectives. And once we've made that change, like that's all we can hope for. Yeah, that'd be that's, that's the goal. You're not going to know how you've changed someone's perspective, but if you can get them to feel enough that they question it or that they're at least like thinking about it, or even angered by the fact that they're having to confront this, you've done your job.
Amanda: Yes. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. And I, I recognize that I'm in a really unique situation where, and especially in places like New York and DC, where as a tour guide, you know, I can take them to the black lives matter Plaza. I can take them to the Martin Luther King [00:48:00] Memorial. I can talk about you know, but slaves built the Capitol, the Washington monument and the white house and what that means. And even I never want to Be combative or get political, which is so easy to do. That's not my place, that's not my job, but I can say, you know, look at this, look at why maybe look at what you're doing. Maybe look at what our, where our country is. And especially after the protest this summer, what are you unique opportunity to be able to show those things. And I think carefully crafting stories and being careful of how I tell these stories, it's going to be my next challenge. And I feel like I'm a functioning member of society instead of just, you know, as an actor going to audition after audition. Sometimes I'm like, what am I doing to [00:49:00] contribute as a member of society that I can now take those skills? And tell those stories. And I, I, I feel so much more connected to the world around me when I'm not performing that I'm filled with joy all the time. I really like, I like this job. I really do. I like it so much. And you know, I'm not slinging drinks at a bar and I'm not walking dogs which is useful, especially the drinks. But I, I can, I can have an impact by telling those stories and ultimately tell those stories to my son. You know, I can tell the women suffrage stories. I can tell the civil rights stories again, in a way that's fun and exciting. Hopefully. I dunno, maybe he'll hate going to museums with me, but too bad.
Taisha: Yes. That's what happens when you're a kid. You go where your parents take you.
Amanda: I think I am going to dress him up [00:50:00] and I think I am going to make him go to museums and be engaged in these conversations early. I look at younger generations like these gen Z kids that are so connected to the world around them and so politically active and, and the stories that they're capable of telling and the kind of theater that they are going to do. It's really exciting. I'm excited for this next generation to come in and change the world in their own way.
And I think they're going to do it through the arts, whether, you know, whether it's Tik TOK videos and, you know, just because the medium changes doesn't mean that they're not impacting their communities. I think it's exciting. I also in a silver linings kind of way, I'm excited about what COVID has done to the arts as well.
Taisha: This magic moment? Tell us about a magical moment with your child. That's imprinted itself on your heart [00:51:00] forever.
Amanda: It's kind of all about the baby smiles. And I've, I feel like as his mom, I've had so many little baby smiles. It's funny. You know, people would say to me like, Oh, he's going to get placed in your arms. And you're going to be in love right away. And you know, I was still on the operating table and love is not exactly the emotion that was running through me at that moment.
I was shaking pretty badly and you know, it was still pretty terrifying but I think. As we know that as we've kind of conquered some of these skills. And I mean, even, even this morning, I went to his crib and he had rolled on his stomach and I was just overjoyed with yes, with milestones. So, you know, it's these things as he kind of [00:52:00] masters skills or as he kind of conquers, one hurdle after another, I'm just filled with so much pride.
And now that I'm sleeping more and we have a little bit more of a routine as this veil of fog has lifted. The love has really started to seep in, and there are times. That he's napping and I'm like, Oh, I just want to go in and like pick them up and squeeze him right now. But don't do that because you sleep, right.
God, it's just been these, these moments of love that have been popping up and these moments of pride that I'm just, you know, like the first time that he independently put himself to sleep, I think is the most simple love. Yeah.
Oh my God. Yes. Like what you did.
Yeah. [00:53:00] That, you know, it's just, it's just been, you know, this kind of mounting of love and joy. And I feel that now I kind of get the rhythm of, of our days. That I I'm enjoying it, that I thought that I like it and I liked picking his outfit and I like giving him a bath and, you know, singing him a song before bed.
And which by the way has been lots of musical theater, because it turns out that those are the songs that I know the words to. Cause there's only so many like Rock-a-bye baby and like you are my sunshine and sing. And then I come up with alternate lyrics that might not be appropriate. So musical theater is best for everybody.
But I think, I think just those little milestones and, I'm not sure about like one specific moment when he smiles at me, [00:54:00] I am just. It makes me giggle it's so it's so sweet. And he is just, I mean, I'm very biased, but he's so handsome.
Taisha: He is. Yes. He is a very handsome little bit. Yes, no, you send me that picture. And I was like, Oh my God. His little face is so adorable. I think, I feel like when you first posted a picture of him on Instagram, and I don't know if I actually like wrote this in the comment or I thought it in my head and I didn't, but I was like, he's such a tiny baby grown man at the same time.
Amanda: That's what I think to such a little man.
He's this little man, but then it's like this little baby and it's super cute. Like all wrapped in this tiny little package. I'm like, Oh my God,
I agree, but it's joyful now. I feel okay. I feel like excited and I get excited about [00:55:00] thinking, you know, like I was thinking about camping the other day and I was like, Oh my gosh, I get to introduce him to camping.
And I get to introduce Santa and all of the things that I'm, so looking forward I can't wait, I want to show him the world and show him that the world is so big and so, so different. Because for so long, especially in Kentucky and Michigan, you know, I went to school with people that looked like I hung out with people that looked like me that had all of my interests and I want to take them to places that people don't look like him and where the food is not hamburgers and French fries.
I want to show him that there's a lot of opportunity. And I feel like with things like, you know, cheaper plane tickets and the internet, that the world can be small at the same time. So just I get so excited thinking about those things. And he's only three [00:56:00] months old. I'm like, when can we travel?
Taisha: The Raise a Glass series as a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton, the musical.
And when my time is up, have I done enough? Will, they tell your story? Oh, can I show you what I'm proudest of?
Time is so precious. I think about it a lot. As I listen to these words.
I feel my heart constricts as I think of all the time I want to have with my daughter, but I don't know if I'll get a chance to experience. Have I done enough so far to prepare her for the world she's [00:57:00] growing into? Do I take advantage of all the time I've been blessed with, to hold her. Tell her how much I adore her for just being who she is.
Play with her, let her learn without jumping in to try and teach her. Give her space to explore without hovering, allow her the time and space to feel all the feelings and make her feel safe and supported so she can continue that process when I'm not around.
Being a mother is the thing I'm proudest of.
But it does come with its darkness. It comes with pain, fear, shame. Guilt. Aggression manipulation, resentment, anger, sadness. Deep sadness. Feelings of unworthiness exhaustion and all kinds of trauma.
It's ugly and beautiful, glorious and miserable. It's all the [00:58:00] contradictions.
All I can hope for is that with the time I have. I find the space to choose joy. To choose love to choose peace. To choose acceptance whenever it's possible.
I hope when my time is up, I've done enough to guide my little munchkin on her journey. So she'll have the strength, resilience, and empathy to go it alone.
It's a hell of a journey. But it's one I'm walking into willingly and will fight for until my last breath.
Let's raise a glass to motherhood and helping each other through the darkness, defines our joy. When we raise each other up, we quite literally change the world.
That's all for today, guys and dolls. I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Amanda this week. Next week, we'll be back [00:59:00] with another artistic parenting conversation, and I'd like to take a moment to congratulate the winner of our name, the musical word, scramble, formerly known as word scramble Wednesday to the lovely Pia on Instagram, at Pia dot Schenk for correctly guessing Wicked as this week's musical. All hail queen diva, Pia, anyone looking it's a challenge. The queen gets your chance this Wednesday for another name, the musical word, scramble and check out my story on Wednesday for the game. And then DM me, the answer to be submitted. Winner is chosen at random and announced on Thursday. Can't wait to see you at the next game.
I appreciate you for taking time to listen today. And I want to say thank you for showing up to learn with me different ways we can build the best relationship possible with ourselves and our kids. The world needs you. Now go forth and kicketh some ass. Again. Thank you. And I'll see you on the other side. [01:00:00]
Today's Raise a Glass series lyrics are:
"And when my time is up, have I done enough? Will they tell your story? Oh, can I show you want I'm proudest of?"
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Full Transcript:
Episode 33 - Motherhood is Not for Wimps
Taisha: [00:00:00]Welcome to MFA the parenting edition. I'm Taisha Cameron, these lessons from the theater for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy, better than life as a full-time actor in today's episode, we'll be talking with actor and mama, Amanda Tudor about the fourth trimester, transitioning to motherhood and how we can be of benefit to the world and our children through our work in the arts.
We'll explore some challenging questions and as always, we'll end our episode with the raise a glass series. So without further ado, this is MFA
Episode 33. Motherhood is not for wimps
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there doing your thing, showing up with love for your babies, who put in the hard work of [00:01:00] building meaningful relationships with new humans. I give you all the love. Motherhood is sacred. It's a treasured bond you make with another soul on their journey through life.
And I get that that might not be the truth of motherhood for you or for other mamas, you know, and that's fine. Everyone has their own different experience of this path. One thing we can all agree on though, is that building a relationship with another human being is tough. We all have days in which we don't want to show up. We don't want to do the work, but somehow we do.
I want to say thank you to my mommy who has not slept well since I was born, who gave her heart to being a stay at home mom. Who sacrificed things she wanted to do, places she wanted to go, and other dreams she had to take on the lifelong work of being an exceptional mother.
I know we didn't make it [00:02:00] easy. As a mom now I find myself apologizing for all the things I did as a child that made you crazy and anxious and I will probably keep apologizing for the rest of my life. You've been a wonderful example of a strong mother and a woman in my life. And while there are things I'm choosing to do different and still don't get why you are so strict about so many things. I know it was from love that you made all the choices you did. For that I am grateful.
Before we kick things off let's take a moment and reflect on all the mamas in our life that are no longer walking the motherhood journey on this earth with us, but are forever in our hearts.
Now. Today, I'm honored to share with you the next episode in the Artistic parenting series. For anyone jumping [00:03:00] in for the first time, the artistic parenting series is a collection of conversations with other artists about the lessons they've learned from the theater for raising themselves and their kids. My goal for these particular episodes is to share gifts from other artists to help us see the world, the arts, our kids, and ourselves with new eyes.
Be our guest
On the show today, I'll be sharing parts of my conversation with actor, mamma, tour guide, extraordinare and life adventurer, Amanda Tudor. I first met Amanda eight or nine years ago at a Savvy Actor business weekend workshop. I don't exactly remember how we became friends, but before I knew it, there were four of us in this little Sex in the City group, getting together for lunch, chatting about our lives, talking shop or dreams and planning, fancy dinner parties. And by that, I mean that we literally got out old gowns of [00:04:00] ours that we hadn't worn in forever, like from weddings we'd been to or from prom and went out to dinner. Amanda is a graduate of the University of Hartford has performed off-Broadway and all of the off-Broadway , through her tour guide career could probably tell you about most museums on the East coast and is one of the most adventurous people I have met in my life.
I'm going to put her website in the show notes so that you can see what she's been up to her newest adventure is joining the motherhood club. She has a handsome little munchkin named Jack who makes a little cameo at the end of this episode, when she has a breastfeed him during our chat, you'll hear all the cute, tiny little baby sounds that just make your heart melt.
And now, onto our chat,
Quick note about sound. At around the 10 minute mark, it gets a bit choppy and clears up after about two minutes. When I recorded this interview with Amanda a few months back, I was a newbie in the interview process. So [00:05:00] there were some things I naively didn't know how best to fix and avoid so please be patient with me as a relatively new podcaster and focus on Amanda's words. I'm working all the time to improve the sound quality of the show. So you can have an awesome listening experience. Thank you.
Yes, please. Question. When did you know you wanted to be a mom?
Amanda: I remember trying to breastfeed a doll through my belly button.
Then I told my mom that like one boob was orange juice and one boop was milk.
So I didn't know the details. I knew that it was something [00:06:00] that I wanted. Yeah. I think also I've always, I've always been motherly. I like taking care of people and like helping people. So there's always been that caregiver side of me which my mother definitely is. But I think as I kind of came up through college, there were a number of instances where I taught kids and would get attached to some kids where then, you know, as I started moving through my twenties, And started thinking about how I wanted my life to look.
It became more and more important that as a female who hopefully could have children, I wanted that experience because what an amazing thing that our bodies can do.
Taisha: Right.
Amanda: I didn't want to look back when I was in my fifties and sixties and say, gosh, I wish I wish I would have done that.
And especially after I got married and we had talked about our hopes and goals and, you know, if we wanted a family and what we wanted that [00:07:00] family to look like it became more and more solidified that we did want a child, but I just love kids. I just it's so joyful. And I, I like playing. I like having that excuse to be a kid and getting on the floor and doing arts and crafts.
Oh, darn I have to color with you. Yes. Yes. It's a rough day.
Taisha: Yeah,
Amanda: and even, even this past Christmas, I was talking to my husband about, you know, like the magic of Christmas.
And I was like, he's only a couple of weeks old, but I want to like tell him about Santa and have him get excited about this. And, you know, I like made cookies and put some out anyways, even though it was for nobody. And I definitely ate the cookies.
Taisha: That's awesome. Like starting that tradition early for your family.
Amanda: I just, I it's so much, I just need cookies also [00:08:00] perfectly on it. I need cookies and milk tonight. Oh, look it right.
Yeah, sometimes we just need cookies, but I, I just, I love playing. I love it so much. In college, my theater program, had a relationship with Hartford stage where we performed in a Christmas Carol, every senior class. And there were two casts of kids and it was just the most fun if I could go back and just play with the kids, I would. I remember having snowball fights with them, like crumpling up paper and like making forts in the green room and saying ready, set, go with just all of the children. I mean, that's just my favorite thing.
So where in my mind, I'm like, I want a brood of children, so I can do that kind of thing. Now that I've gone through this [00:09:00] experience of being pregnant and labor and. The fourth trimester once maybe I'll just play with their friends. Maybe, maybe be the mom that wants everybody at her house. Oh yes.
Taisha: You get them back afterwards, all wired up and crazy as hell. We're going to have a great time together.
Amanda: Snowball fights and cookies,
Taisha: and then they're yours. Good luck getting them to bed.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm fine with that.
Taisha: You're welcome because they're so exhausted. They pass out.
Amanda: That's right. And, and other moms get like some time to themselves, they can go sleep or something.
Taisha: Transitioning to Motherhood. Question. What's the fourth trimester and tell us of your experience transitioning to motherhood. [00:10:00]
Amanda: I just, hadn't been around a lot of other women that talked openly about it and I think there's a lot of pressure to hide, how we're actually feeling how hard it is or how difficult that moment. And I don't think that I personally had any postpartum depression or anxiety. But I definitely had blues where, I've kind of thought, Oh, you know, this will be over in two weeks. And I guess the movies kind of perpetuate that thought as well, but there's like a moment of sadness and then you kind of get on with your life. But I had a C-section as well. So while my body was physically healing and I wasn't sleeping and I was trying to get up and take care of him and lift him and hold him. And meanwhile, I would just cry for no reason. And I think that it's a totally normal, totally every woman experience, I just didn't expect it. So my expectations were, this will be a moment and then, we'll get on with it, the child rearing, [00:11:00] it just didn't happen that way. And really in the past couple of weeks, maybe in the past two to three weeks, if I come out of this fog and I'm feeling like again, and I think it's hard partially, because my body is healing and I said yes to pelvic floor therapy. So my, my body feels more like my body. And now that he's sleeping on more of a schedule and you know, there's, I think every woman also goes through a moment where their child doesn't want to leave their arms. So every nap, yeah. Even at night, I was in survival mode and I never thought I would co-sleep didn't thought that that was in the cards for me, but I talked to my OB, I talked to other moms about this experience and everybody says, don't co-sleep do not co-sleep. But then the moment of, you know, survival, when I could not put him down, I started co-sleeping and all of these other women were like, yeah, I did it too.
[00:12:00] I did it for two months. I did it for doctors. My pediatrician said that she was co-sleeping, you know? So there's moments like that, that, all the books that you read are saying one thing, and there's this other, like under the surface actual experiences. So, while moms say like, Oh yeah, the first six weeks are terrible. No, it's not just terrible. It's like, you're fighting for your life. And you know, nobody else, well, support is wonderful. My parents came to visit and Tim's parents came to visit. But it was still like I felt like I was drowning a lot and only recently have I really come up for air. And like I said, I feel like a fog has just lifted. And I just, I wasn't prepared and I want to like shake some of my friends and say like, why didn't you tell me? Right. Because there's, I think there's so much pressure to have a healthy pregnancy and you know, what to do while you're pregnant and what happens at the hospital.
And what's your birth plan? There's, there's so much focus on that and not [00:13:00] nearly enough focus on what comes next. And, you know, only through like Instagram memes, did I realize that, I wasn't alone, that this was like experience and, finding some of those Instagram accounts, during endless hours of breastfeeding was I really comforted.
So thank you, Instagram mom bloggers, because I just felt. I was like, okay, so this isn't everybody experience and I'm not doing something wrong. Like there's nothing wrong with me. This is what happens. And I just, I just, every, every person that tells me that that they're pregnant now look, about the fourth trimester, it's real. And, like I said, I just, I think that there's not enough conversation. I think that there's this pressure, you know, for women, especially in America to go back to work, on with your life and, you know, maybe pump out another baby. Like there's just not enough [00:14:00] emphasis on that moment of pause and healing and it's going to be terrible for three months. I don't think anybody really emphasize that enough to me that I want to, I want to speak up and I want to talk about, no, it doesn't have to be okay. You don't have to be okay. And you don't have to be in like cute pictures you know, the perfect looking mom on Instagram. I think I wore the same clothes for weeks and weeks, you know and then the baby got sick on it and then I would change.
Taisha: Okay. Fine. I have to change now, obviously
Amanda: It's okay. I'm, sleeping and eating and like living on the couch in these clothes. Okay. I just, I want other moms to know that it's it's normal. Because it felt not normal to me. And I remember calling my mom and [00:15:00] was crying about, I dunno something. And she was like, yeah, Amanda, you did that too. I was like, Oh my God, Oh my God, this has been happening for upwards of 30 years. All babies go through this and not just me. Oh my God. And it really did take that moment of her to say like, yes, this is, this is what happens. That's what babies do. It was like a bolt of lightening.
Taisha: Yeah. When, when we're, in it, it definitely feels like we are the only ones. This is a unique experience for us. And no one else seems to understand the gravity of it. And, and there's a certain extent of it. That is true because no one else is going through the exact situation and the exact same way with the baby that we've been given with our ability to process that and however our body's going through our healing, but. Every person who chooses to go down the path of bringing a child into the world [00:16:00] experiences, similar things to,
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Taisha: You know, whatever extent. And so there is comfort in that as long as we're all being more open about talking about the realities of it and not pulling away into ourselves and feeling either ashamed or just stuck in loneliness or feeling judged by others or judging others because, well, why can't they just like pull themselves together or I'm doing this now and I'm doing that now. Everyone should just be able to like move on and go forward with the baby. And I think it's really. A beautiful thing that we're living in a time where, while we don't have like villages in the same way that like people like had them because they think we are, especially now everyone is so like isolated, but those villages are turning into communities online. So you can see those Instagram accounts where you're just like, Oh yeah, that meme right there. That's me. That's me. Oh my God. So, and someone created that. So [00:17:00] that's probably them, which means that we are now finding ourselves in the same place. Like, Oh, thank you for sharing that because now I feel not so alone in this.
Amanda: Yeah. Yep. It is very lonely. Even though I've found myself surrounded by. Well, not obviously a lot of people because it is COVID, but you know, here I have my son on one arm and my loving, wonderfully supportive husband. And it's, it's nothing that he could have done or said, or, you know, nothing that our parents could have done or said, but I really just did feel like I was swimming upstream by myself and we just got to talk about it.
We have to talk about it more we really do. There needs to be more conversation. I think women deserve more postpartum visits, not just like a six week and you're done kind of deal. I think we should, have therapists ready and physical therapists and OBS and you know, [00:18:00] whatever support new mothers need.
And God, I think about parents of multiples or single parents.
Taisha: Oh, good God.
Amanda: And, and you, you said something that I've thought a lot about as well. No, two women have the same experience and, while I might find breastfeeding difficult, you might find breastfeeding very easy, so there's, there's just, no path is the same, but all difficult, you know, we're all climbing the same mountain on different paths and none of them are really easy.
And when, when I was going into labor and you know, I think other moms know too that the first labor there's lots of false starts and, you know, he didn't descend very quickly. So I spent a lot of time in labor. And then as you know, toiling and like stressing about getting the drugs, there's this mom that comes wheeled up in a wheelchair, she's very calm. And she said, I'm in labor. I said, [00:19:00] how do you know? And she said, my water broke. And I said, okay, is this your first child? And she said, no, it's my eighth.
Taisha: Oh my God.
Amanda: Oh my gosh. Is that, what is that? What happened? Like here I am sweating and stressing and like, I can't breathe. I'm like reminding myself, you know, all of the lessons that I've learned about breathing and here, this lady is just as calm as can be. She's like, I know what's, what's about to happen. I know what's going on. Oh, my God.
Taisha: I'm just here because I can't administer the drugs myself and I need someone else to do that for me. But if not, like I wouldn't have to, to this hospital. Yeah. Like I already know what to do. Like I got this guy, it's just catch it. I could probably do it at that point, but
Amanda: Maybe her mountain was a little bit more known. Like she knew the path.
Taisha: But do we have to have eight babies before? We're like,
Amanda: Oh my God. Oh my gosh.
Taisha: I know you said that you had a [00:20:00] C-section. I had one, we had to have a scheduled one, so I never went through labor, you know, I didn't experience any of that. What was the reason you guys ended up having a C-section?
Amanda: So I had pushed the three hours. And he was sunny side up. So he was facing the wrong way and they were doing a lot to try to turn him they, at one point they got baby shampoo and we're trying to like, soap him up, to flip him around and every time I was pushing his heart rate was dropping. And his chin was tilted up instead of tucked under. So instead of his cute little head coming out, it was more like his face was trying to come out. So, so the doctor after three hours was like, look, that's about, that's about it. We're running into some problems that could get better or they could get worse. But she said, I recommend a C-section and I just remember everybody in the room [00:21:00] treating me with kid gloves. Like, how is she going to take it? Is it going to be okay? Hmm. And honestly, my birth plan was to have a healthy baby, I wasn't anti C-section. I wasn't, all I knew was that I wanted an epidural. I knew, friends of mine were like, you should try. And I was like, Nope, I think, I think I'm going to want some drugs.
Taisha: Right. And that's why they're there.
Amanda: You know, I, I commend any woman who, wants to go that path and maybe he would've descended in a different way had I not gotten the epidural.
Taisha: Right.
Amanda: But girl, after I labored at home for about 12 or 14 hours as well, Nope. I,
Taisha: At some point we need to call it and
Amanda: That's it. I want the drugs, I want them to quickly. And th it was like four o'clock in the morning. So they, they weren't busy. And as soon as I said, I want an epidural, like the. Heavenly man came in with the [00:22:00] drugs and administered them.
And you know, there were, there were lots of, of nurses kind of flying around. It was all very nervous. I remember being nervous when they were like, okay, it's time to push. And I remember being very nervous when they said, okay, we're gonna make this C-section happen. And of course I know Amanda's logical brain says, okay, I know that everybody is, you know, swirling around and this is what they trained for that you know, emergency C-sections happen.
This wasn't an emergency, but I know, but it just happened so fast. And I remember looking at Tim, like behind this blue curtain and was just like, what is happening? Two minutes ago I was in another room and now I'm in an operating room.
Yeah.
And this is all very new and, you know, for them, you know, they're all like chatting and I'm like, this is, this is new for me.
It's not for you, but it's new for me. Right. So I, my husband was [00:23:00] just sitting next to my head. We were talking about rather, he was rambling on about why the new Jurassic park series were so terrible and our favorite episodes of the office. And I just, I just encouraging him. I was like, talk to me about anything, meanwhile, you know, on the other side of this curtain, and I'm sure there's like Gore and you know, the miracle of life happening.
But I was so deer in headlights that I'm, I really needed him to be babbling about all of that. Yeah. And I don't know if he practiced that speech because he had a long list of why the new Jurassic Parks were so terrible. So maybe it occurred to me later that maybe he was like,
Taisha: That's awesome.
Amanda: Yeah. Yeah. So it, you know, it,
Taisha: it was like his own little backup plan.
Amanda: Yes. Yeah, yeah. Just in case, this goes way word, distract Amanda. But thank God for [00:24:00] him. He, he really was a super partner during all of that and where I'm very type A and get things done early and very structured.
It's very relaxed and like, it will get done. So to have him in that moment, I mean, I couldn't have asked for a better partner.
Taisha: Family values question? What are your family values
Amanda: I think that if, if the world operated with more empathy, I think there would be a lot more joy and happiness. I really do because, especially now I hope that politically, that, you know, things start to change because I, I don't know when we started not being able to have conversations about some of these things [00:25:00] and, just being able to say, what does $15 an hour do for somebody, even though it doesn't matter to me, it might really, really matter to someone else.
And just, you know, and just to take a second or say, it doesn't matter to me that student loans are forgiven, but maybe this person can't move out of their parents' basement without a little student loan forgiveness, you know? And just being able to take a moment and question and look at things through the other person's eyes.
I think if I can instill one thing from me to Jack, it'll be that empathy. And especially with kids, you know, kids are such self-centered little, little monsters sometimes, you know being able to say,
I know, right. Instead of making fun of someone, maybe I can teach him to step [00:26:00] back and question why they're like this, or even, you know what, I want somebody talking to me in this manner. That empathy is a big one. And actually Tim and I have talked about that a bunch. I also, I think like we were saying earlier having that balance of some of Tim's strengths and some of my strengths that.
It's so important to be able to go with the flow and be relaxed and calm about things, but also, you know, get things in on time and have that kind of get up and go personality as well. But they're both equally important. Yeah, buddy they're both equally important. So you know, you don't end up like me, like a ball of stress all the time, but that you're also motivated to get up and do things, right.
So that balance and another conversation that we've had, Tim and I were [00:27:00] both raised religious he's Boston Catholic and I grew up well first Kentucky Baptist church, and then in Michigan it was more of a relaxed non-denominational kind of deal. So if we, I don't think we're going to raise him in the church, then, that that's where we got a lot of our morals, a lot of that, be good to your mother.
Don't lie, don't steal, don't cheat. How do you instill a lot of those values without the indoctrination of, of the church? So, you know, we've, we've kind of been discussing that and we don't have an answer, but you know, I think Tim's kind of take care of things as, as they come at, you will be very helpful .
That that feeling of, of taking things as they come and having a plan. So it's really both of us, right. Having a plan. It's, it's just, it's just so hard to predict
[00:28:00] we're switching. It's hard to predict and know the problems before they come up. So, you know, I, I, not sure I want to prepare for all of the scenarios because I, I think that he will not be a crazy serial killer stalker, but he'll have some inherently good qualities that we can praise with positive reinforcement.
And I mean, Tim and I are so lucky, both of our parents are so wonderful and supportive and loving. That we have some really good role models. And I'm sure that I will call my mom crying more than once and say, what did you do to help this? And how did you get over this? And how did you teach?
Especially my brother and my brother was a much more difficult child than I was. More mischievous will, will say that. So I'm sure with Jack, there will be plenty of mischief and figuring out how to [00:29:00] not squash that because I think a little mischief is good, but yeah, but also, you know, not having him be, a rascal.
Taisha: And I think it's, it's what you were just saying about not wanting to squash things, like find it, it's the balance between finding where's the line that we're like, this is acceptable and this is not, you know, this, we can kind of be like, all right, we can let that go a little bit. And this falls into the category of, Oh hell no, this is not going down here.
Amanda: Not okay.
Taisha: Yeah. Because part of it is like they have to go through their own experience and journey, you know, it's not our journey and it's not our responsibility to mold them into a version that we want them to be. It's like guiding them towards the version of themselves that they have to be, but also teaching them how to be in this world.
Yeah. You know, like, cause there are rules, there are things that is like. It is important to learn how [00:30:00] to be in society. Can't do it all right, whatever way you want, but like, we're all different and we have to honor those differences and there's going to be so much of him that is you and Tim, and then there's going to be the part that's uniquely him.
Amanda: Yup. Yup.
Taisha: And it's so beautiful.
Amanda: It's a friend of mine recently. She was doing an arts project with her two year old and she was talking about how hard it was not to reach over and show her the right way to do it, but to let her kind of, do whatever wacky, crazy art thing that she wanted to do.
Taisha: Yeah.
Amanda: And I was like, Oh man, I didn't even think about how I'm going to want to control an art project, you know?
Taisha: Yeah.
Amanda: And when he says, mommy do it for me and to have the wherewithal to say no, babe, You do it, you make a mistake, you figure it out. And I [00:31:00] remember very specifically in college I had like a plumbing issue at a house that I was renting and I called my mom in a panic and was like, Oh my God, I have no idea what to do.
What's happening. And she was like, Oh gosh, that's terrible. Good luck. Let me know how, what happens. And I was like, you're not going to tell me what to do. She was like, Ooh, no, but you can figure it out. You're smart girl. Good luck. And I mean, as terrible and as mad as I was I'll never forget how important that was as well, because you know, she was saying, you're a big girl, Amanda.
You, you can figure this out.
Taisha: Yeah.
Amanda: So as soon as he's a big enough boy, he's going to figure it out too.
Taisha: Yeah. There's so many layers. There's so many emotions. Part of it was like, Oh, come on, mom. Just like help me, you know, like that thing. And there's no, that's actually really important. We just, we sometimes need to be told you got this.
Especially now it's like, it's a scenario [00:32:00] where you're going to, it's one of those not even sink or swim, because like, eventually it's a plumbing thing. Someone's going to notice, someone's going to show up, somebody's going to figure this out. But really like, we have to do that as parents.
Amanda: The other thing that I've been thinking a lot about and even before I had him, I, I was thinking about his relationship to women. And how wonderful it is that Tim respects, not only me and his mother, but all the women in his life and to be able to role play what respect to women looks like, but to also make sure that he knows what consent is and that he knows, you know, how to treat little girls and little boys.
But I I've thought a lot about how to instill some of those values [00:33:00] and, and how to make sure he knows, make sure that we set some of those, those rules to make sure that he's the best functioning member of society that we can can put out there. Because I think, I think that does start at home and I'm sure I'll come across a lot more issues.
You know, kind of as we go and things that I haven't even thought of. You know, but that, that's one thing. That's kind of struck me recently, especially with the me too movement and, and, you know, the black lives matter and just, how can he be aware and contribute?
Taisha: It's so wonderful that we are living in a time when there are a lots of parents that are thinking from the same place.
And I'd love. I feel like throughout history, the only way we get here is that there have been people doing that. But to [00:34:00] know that with social media, with all the things that are reflecting back to us at like a more, at a bigger scale, like what's going on, that we do have people that are saying, yeah, Oh, no, this is actually important that it starts at home.
The consent starts at home, the education about empathy and how to bring that to everyone you deal with. And everyone you interact with, like that starts at home. That's not something I send you off to school to learn.
Amanda: Oh yeah.
Taisha: It needs to start here. And that has to be a huge part of
Amanda: school is where you get to practice those things.
Taisha: Yes.
Amanda: At home is where we're going to learn those things.
question? Taisha: What lessons from the theater have you pulled on or been reminded of to help you through motherhood? [00:35:00]
Amanda: Well, I think, I think a lot of that will come. I know you've talked about yes and, and that sense of play and I think just teaching kids will be a valuable skill that will come back up. Because there were so many times I would have this, you know, fantastic kind of itinerary and syllabus. And I was like, great, this is going to take the whole class and then you start doing it and they're done 15 minutes.
Taisha: What do I do now?
Amanda: I have no backup plan having like, a kind of bag of tricks that, you know, great. Here's some colored pencils and here's some other art supplies. And I remember for long car trips which we took a lot as kids. My mom had like baskets of toys and she rotated them and, you know, there would be different things or like new things [00:36:00] would show up.
And I just remember thinking back. At those basket of toys and being like, no mom, that was very clever of you. And like, not to, and not to give us like the whole shebang, but to say like here's a little bit, and here's a little bit more so that, you know, we're not bored all at once. So that, that kind of stuff, and just having the like we've been saying that sense of play and that sense of, of magic and imagination and, you know, having a lot of, a lot of tricks, having a lot of games and a lot of a playtime and allowing them that empathy driven imagination I think is going to serve me well.
Something that keeps coming back to me, Which is actually where we met, what are some of the tools that I garnered with Jody Bentley and Kevin urban at the savvy actor. One phrase that has kind of been [00:37:00] my mantra in a lot of ways is the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And I think about that constantly.
It's, why you know, when, when talking about myself, I like to say not, not tell you, but show you, so instead of telling you that I'm very dedicated and driven, and I'm good with the schedule, I'll talk about how I've run 15 half marathons, and I plan on running a race in it for you, every state. So that's like commitment and drive and, you know, so then I can show you, instead of telling them, and during this, this early phase, and especially during the fourth trimester I keep thinking about strength and where it comes from, and that kind of perseverance and knowing that things are temporary and even, I mean, there's so many parallels, you know, a terrible show or a bad audition, or, you [00:38:00] know, something, you just have to pick yourself up and, and move on to the next one.
And it it's like that with, with Jack, it's terrible. And sometimes I fail at, you know, naps and sleeping, but tomorrow's another day and having the strength to forget about what just happened and move on to the next day. So that, that strength and that perseverance and that drive, I think that there's a lot of Character building that comes with the actual business of acting 100%.
So yeah. So while we're where there's that play and imagination, once you get the role, there is this other hardening of the business, especially in New York that like, pounding the pavement and, having all of that rejection and just knowing that, you know, just because he doesn't want to play on the floor right now does not mean that I'm a terrible mom.
It just means that we've got to do something else.
Taisha: Yeah. Yeah.
Amanda: So there's this [00:39:00] like pick yourself up and keep going, pick yourself up and keep going. And yeah. How, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So having the kind of strength and tools and get up and go, but it takes to be an actor and motherhood is no joke. Motherhood is not for wimps. Motherhood is not easy. I know it's going to be different hard from here on out, but it has been hard at these first few months. And I mean, pregnancy to pregnancy is not for wimps either.
Taisha: No, that is like, your body is going through insane changes. That's really hard work.
And I think a lot of times we don't give ourselves enough credit. In the sense of like, not like a Pat on the back, like, you know what I just did with your pregnancy? Not necessarily that, but like allowing ourselves the space to be like, I'm doing something difficult right now. It might not look like that, but I need to rest.
Making an impact question. How do you want to be of benefit to the world [00:40:00] and to your son through your work?
Amanda: Ooh, good question. So when I really boiled down why I love the theater and why I love doing what we do I come up with storytelling and sharing with community and I've been so lucky.
To have storytelling and multiple facets of my life. My side job, even though I've had, Oh, so many we'll call them side careers. So many side careers. What I've been doing for the past five years is a lot of ways performing. And I, I, I see it in so many people when I watch other people do this. But I've been working as a tour guide and
Taisha: I feel like I remember you doing that in the city,
Amanda: in New York.
Taisha: Yeah, yeah,
[00:41:00] Amanda: Yeah, I still do. I do lots of like overnight trips with schools and their school trips and with adults and day trips and museum tours. And I mean, if pick a, pick a museum, pick a monument on the East coast and I can probably tell you fun facts and probably give you a two hour tour through that museum. But all of my skills who transferred over into being a tour guide you know, because while I could sit here and rattle off, you know, a hundred facts about the statue of Liberty, that's very boring. And a lot of people call that data dumping where it's like, listen to all of the things that I know. But the better way, the more engaging way, the more memorable way to tell those stories and to have people remember is to weave together a really interesting engaging tale [00:42:00] and performance. So if I can get you amped about, Gustave Eiffel and his contribution to the statue of Liberty, or, the women who lit off fireworks from a boat on the day of inauguration of the statue of Liberty shouting about votes for women that that's much more entertaining than just hearing about how tall it is, you know, why there's chains around her feet. So I've taken a lot of those skills and, and turn them into this, this other career that I love. And I've found a lot of success, especially with kids, kids. I mean, they're the most honest critics, right? If you're boring, they'll tell you.
Taisha: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You know immediately.
Amanda: Yep. So to be able to take those skills and, and play, and again, the bag of tricks. I learned really quickly, use [00:43:00] technology, use their cell phones if they're going to be in their cell phones, use their cell phones. So to be able to have that kind of same bag of tricks that I can call upon and say, okay, everybody's zoning out, let's play a game. Or let's talk about, you know, where, what the most expensive hotel, you know, or you want to talk about movies in DC. Let's talk about movies in DC. So there's, there's that same play and. In, in a deeper level, more than just entertaining kids, I've had some really profound experiences as a tour guide through these stories, you know I remember at the statue of Liberty, we would do time of the statue of Liberty. And then we would go over to Ellis Island. And I mean, I must've done this tour, I don't know how many times. But it was like a four hour tour and for people with kids, listen, I know it's a lot and they don't care about Ellis Island. They'd really just want to just [00:44:00] see the green lady and climb the steps and see the statute. I get it. So there's this dad, he had three kids, probably like five, seven and nine, and his wife. They were from Detroit. And after the statue, he was like, listen, I think we're going to dip. And I was like, I totally get it. It's a long day. And he's like, no, it's not that I just don't care about a bunch of vacationing Europeans. I don't want to hear these stories. And I was like, Ooh, okay. I hear what you're saying because it's not your heritage. But tell you what, there's 20 minutes when the ferry is going to leave to take you back to Manhattan from Ellis Island. Give me 20 minutes if you're totally bored. Cool. I get it. Get on the ferry, but if not, like give it a chance. It's if nothing else, it's a beautiful building and they've done so many beautiful things with [00:45:00] the buildings on Ellis Island that it's, it's worth checking out.
And he said, okay, kind of rolled his eyes. He stayed with me for another hour and a half until the end of the tour. And he came up to me afterwards and said, you know, I don't know if I wasn't ready to hear it. Or if I had just built up walls about other cultures that weren't my culture. But I had a lot of anger about it. And now I can see how difficult it was for some of these, you know, other cultures and other minorities coming in through this particular immigration point. And I went home and cried. I mean, just to, to open up. I mean, I think theater can do the same thing. I see so many parallels, you know just seeing the world through someone else's eyes and saying, Hey, here's a moment of empathy. Won't you join me while I tell you this story. And you know, you can weave in first person accounts. And, but I mean, especially Ellis Island has, [00:46:00] has, you know, really grim undertones underneath the, the joy and hope that is immigration, but there was a lot of really terrible things that happened there as well.
So to be able to open up somebody's world and especially somebody with kids to then say, you know, pass this on to your children. And what else can you think about and what else, what other cultures and stories can you give them as well as a father? That was a really profound moment.
Taisha: That man now has, his perspective has shifted. Even if it's just slightly it's shifted enough where he'll start questioning. And if he's questioning, then when his kids come to him with questions and ideas or stuff that they've either heard him say, or other people say, he's going to look at it from a different angle and come back, not with so much anger and hate and resistance and fear and whatever else is there. But with [00:47:00] a, I don't have the answers or let's explore, let's find out, or I wonder what that might be like for people living through that experience. Yeah.
We have the ability to shift people's perspectives. And once we've made that change, like that's all we can hope for. Yeah, that'd be that's, that's the goal. You're not going to know how you've changed someone's perspective, but if you can get them to feel enough that they question it or that they're at least like thinking about it, or even angered by the fact that they're having to confront this, you've done your job.
Amanda: Yes. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. And I, I recognize that I'm in a really unique situation where, and especially in places like New York and DC, where as a tour guide, you know, I can take them to the black lives matter Plaza. I can take them to the Martin Luther King [00:48:00] Memorial. I can talk about you know, but slaves built the Capitol, the Washington monument and the white house and what that means. And even I never want to Be combative or get political, which is so easy to do. That's not my place, that's not my job, but I can say, you know, look at this, look at why maybe look at what you're doing. Maybe look at what our, where our country is. And especially after the protest this summer, what are you unique opportunity to be able to show those things. And I think carefully crafting stories and being careful of how I tell these stories, it's going to be my next challenge. And I feel like I'm a functioning member of society instead of just, you know, as an actor going to audition after audition. Sometimes I'm like, what am I doing to [00:49:00] contribute as a member of society that I can now take those skills? And tell those stories. And I, I, I feel so much more connected to the world around me when I'm not performing that I'm filled with joy all the time. I really like, I like this job. I really do. I like it so much. And you know, I'm not slinging drinks at a bar and I'm not walking dogs which is useful, especially the drinks. But I, I can, I can have an impact by telling those stories and ultimately tell those stories to my son. You know, I can tell the women suffrage stories. I can tell the civil rights stories again, in a way that's fun and exciting. Hopefully. I dunno, maybe he'll hate going to museums with me, but too bad.
Taisha: Yes. That's what happens when you're a kid. You go where your parents take you.
Amanda: I think I am going to dress him up [00:50:00] and I think I am going to make him go to museums and be engaged in these conversations early. I look at younger generations like these gen Z kids that are so connected to the world around them and so politically active and, and the stories that they're capable of telling and the kind of theater that they are going to do. It's really exciting. I'm excited for this next generation to come in and change the world in their own way.
And I think they're going to do it through the arts, whether, you know, whether it's Tik TOK videos and, you know, just because the medium changes doesn't mean that they're not impacting their communities. I think it's exciting. I also in a silver linings kind of way, I'm excited about what COVID has done to the arts as well.
Taisha: This magic moment? Tell us about a magical moment with your child. That's imprinted itself on your heart [00:51:00] forever.
Amanda: It's kind of all about the baby smiles. And I've, I feel like as his mom, I've had so many little baby smiles. It's funny. You know, people would say to me like, Oh, he's going to get placed in your arms. And you're going to be in love right away. And you know, I was still on the operating table and love is not exactly the emotion that was running through me at that moment.
I was shaking pretty badly and you know, it was still pretty terrifying but I think. As we know that as we've kind of conquered some of these skills. And I mean, even, even this morning, I went to his crib and he had rolled on his stomach and I was just overjoyed with yes, with milestones. So, you know, it's these things as he kind of [00:52:00] masters skills or as he kind of conquers, one hurdle after another, I'm just filled with so much pride.
And now that I'm sleeping more and we have a little bit more of a routine as this veil of fog has lifted. The love has really started to seep in, and there are times. That he's napping and I'm like, Oh, I just want to go in and like pick them up and squeeze him right now. But don't do that because you sleep, right.
God, it's just been these, these moments of love that have been popping up and these moments of pride that I'm just, you know, like the first time that he independently put himself to sleep, I think is the most simple love. Yeah.
Oh my God. Yes. Like what you did.
Yeah. [00:53:00] That, you know, it's just, it's just been, you know, this kind of mounting of love and joy. And I feel that now I kind of get the rhythm of, of our days. That I I'm enjoying it, that I thought that I like it and I liked picking his outfit and I like giving him a bath and, you know, singing him a song before bed.
And which by the way has been lots of musical theater, because it turns out that those are the songs that I know the words to. Cause there's only so many like Rock-a-bye baby and like you are my sunshine and sing. And then I come up with alternate lyrics that might not be appropriate. So musical theater is best for everybody.
But I think, I think just those little milestones and, I'm not sure about like one specific moment when he smiles at me, [00:54:00] I am just. It makes me giggle it's so it's so sweet. And he is just, I mean, I'm very biased, but he's so handsome.
Taisha: He is. Yes. He is a very handsome little bit. Yes, no, you send me that picture. And I was like, Oh my God. His little face is so adorable. I think, I feel like when you first posted a picture of him on Instagram, and I don't know if I actually like wrote this in the comment or I thought it in my head and I didn't, but I was like, he's such a tiny baby grown man at the same time.
Amanda: That's what I think to such a little man.
He's this little man, but then it's like this little baby and it's super cute. Like all wrapped in this tiny little package. I'm like, Oh my God,
I agree, but it's joyful now. I feel okay. I feel like excited and I get excited about [00:55:00] thinking, you know, like I was thinking about camping the other day and I was like, Oh my gosh, I get to introduce him to camping.
And I get to introduce Santa and all of the things that I'm, so looking forward I can't wait, I want to show him the world and show him that the world is so big and so, so different. Because for so long, especially in Kentucky and Michigan, you know, I went to school with people that looked like I hung out with people that looked like me that had all of my interests and I want to take them to places that people don't look like him and where the food is not hamburgers and French fries.
I want to show him that there's a lot of opportunity. And I feel like with things like, you know, cheaper plane tickets and the internet, that the world can be small at the same time. So just I get so excited thinking about those things. And he's only three [00:56:00] months old. I'm like, when can we travel?
Taisha: The Raise a Glass series as a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton, the musical.
And when my time is up, have I done enough? Will, they tell your story? Oh, can I show you what I'm proudest of?
Time is so precious. I think about it a lot. As I listen to these words.
I feel my heart constricts as I think of all the time I want to have with my daughter, but I don't know if I'll get a chance to experience. Have I done enough so far to prepare her for the world she's [00:57:00] growing into? Do I take advantage of all the time I've been blessed with, to hold her. Tell her how much I adore her for just being who she is.
Play with her, let her learn without jumping in to try and teach her. Give her space to explore without hovering, allow her the time and space to feel all the feelings and make her feel safe and supported so she can continue that process when I'm not around.
Being a mother is the thing I'm proudest of.
But it does come with its darkness. It comes with pain, fear, shame. Guilt. Aggression manipulation, resentment, anger, sadness. Deep sadness. Feelings of unworthiness exhaustion and all kinds of trauma.
It's ugly and beautiful, glorious and miserable. It's all the [00:58:00] contradictions.
All I can hope for is that with the time I have. I find the space to choose joy. To choose love to choose peace. To choose acceptance whenever it's possible.
I hope when my time is up, I've done enough to guide my little munchkin on her journey. So she'll have the strength, resilience, and empathy to go it alone.
It's a hell of a journey. But it's one I'm walking into willingly and will fight for until my last breath.
Let's raise a glass to motherhood and helping each other through the darkness, defines our joy. When we raise each other up, we quite literally change the world.
That's all for today, guys and dolls. I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Amanda this week. Next week, we'll be back [00:59:00] with another artistic parenting conversation, and I'd like to take a moment to congratulate the winner of our name, the musical word, scramble, formerly known as word scramble Wednesday to the lovely Pia on Instagram, at Pia dot Schenk for correctly guessing Wicked as this week's musical. All hail queen diva, Pia, anyone looking it's a challenge. The queen gets your chance this Wednesday for another name, the musical word, scramble and check out my story on Wednesday for the game. And then DM me, the answer to be submitted. Winner is chosen at random and announced on Thursday. Can't wait to see you at the next game.
I appreciate you for taking time to listen today. And I want to say thank you for showing up to learn with me different ways we can build the best relationship possible with ourselves and our kids. The world needs you. Now go forth and kicketh some ass. Again. Thank you. And I'll see you on the other side. [01:00:00]