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MFA: THE PARENTING EDITION EPISODE 18 SHOW NOTES
Episode title: March of the Toys
Episode summary: What are props and how are they used in theatre? What is the purpose of a toy? What toys engage the imagination of children? How many toys is too many? Do we teach our children to respect their toys and the property of others? How can we adjust our holiday gift giving to give with more intention? What does that even mean?
Props in Theatre & Your Imagination
The History of Toys
Angelica Interlude
Passive Toys vs Active Toys
A Short Story Before We Go:
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness:
Sources that inspired this episode or random tidbits of knowledge:
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Full Transcript
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well, I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode is all about toys, props and exercising our imagination. Just in time for Christmas, right? We’ll explore some challenging questions, I’ll share some stories, and then we’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Quote: “I want the world, I want the whole world, I want to lock it all up in my pocket it’s my bar of chocolate, give it to me now” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Episode Eighteen – March of the Toys
Question – What are props and how are they used in theatre? What is the purpose of a toy? What toys engage the imagination of children? How many toys is too many? Do we teach our children to respect their toys and the property of others? How can we adjust our holiday gift giving to give with more intention? What does that even mean?
In theatre, props are toy’s that actors use. A personal prop is something an actor carries with them that’s of significance to the character they’re playing. Finding that item and using it throughout rehearsal is so valuable for getting into character. The object doesn’t have to be something called for in the script it can be whatever you feel the character would carry with them, either based on the text or your imagination. Most props actors use in rehearsal aren’t going to be the ones used in performance, so what an actor does in rehearsal is rely heavily on their imagination.
Our imagination can turn a ruler into a dagger and a plastic pitcher into a magic lamp. Actors are constantly endowing random objects with value to make the world of the play real for them. Props are necessary for that purpose. They ground the actor, they move the plot along, they paint a more defined world, they pull the audience in. Try staging Aladdin without the lamp or the magic carpet. I actually saw a touring production of Aladdin before the pandemic hit in which the magic carpet had stage fright, I assume, and missed its entrance stalling “A Whole New World” for almost a solid 10 minutes before it was ready to take flight sailing Jasmine and Aladdin through the proscenium sky. Acting, like Meisner said is, “behaving truthfully under imaginary circumstances.” Exercising our imagination regularly gives artists the ability to play and create with such conviction.
Presenting open ended toys to our kids is the first step we can take to help them engage their imagination and all their senses as they journey through their child development.
The History of Toys
Why do we buy our kids toys? Is it because someone somewhere said we had to? Is it because psychologists, therapists, and family experts have shamed us into believing if we don’t have certain materials and equipment our children will not succeed making us bad parents? Do we buy into the parent consumer trap where we just feel the need to give our kids all the things that’ll immediately light up their faces (we hope) and think this will make them better kids, smarter kids or happier kids and us, by default, better parents? Whatever happened to just being happy playing with a stick or a ball?
So, toys have been around FOREVER!!! I read a few articles that placed the identification of toys going back to like 2600 BCE, it could’ve been even earlier than that. Early written mentions of toys can be found in Ancient Greece, and the toy…yo-yos. Items like yo-yo’s, kites and balls have paved the way for all the bells & whistles of modern toys. In fact, balls predated all toys, maybe because before the formation of a ball kids played with rocks, makes sense to me. Maybe using a stick as a toy has been around as long as the ball. Those are open-ended objects; they went from weapons for survival to play entertainment; that’s quite convenient. Dolls are also included in the short list of toys that have been around since as long as humans.
As we’ve evolved so has technology and our interest in experimenting with the creation of new toys. As a species we went from playing with rocks and sticks to crafting balls, yo-yo’s, and dolls, to making rocking horses, to trains with moving parts, mechanical toys, toys with batteries, plastic toys with bright colors that make sounds and light up, to electronic gadgets that connect to TV’s, phones, and other people across the globe. That’s insane and amazing and overwhelming. The thing is if you give a kid a stick, they will most likely, even if at first reluctant, they’ll find at least 8 different ways to play with that stick in a relatively short period of time. If you plop a child in front of a video game, there’s a learning curve to figuring out the way to play the game correctly which can be frustrating until you get it and then the psychology of all the addictive properties of the game kick in so you don’t want to play anything else. The same goes for adults. So, if we can all easily find ways of engaging our imagination to find multiple ways of playing with a stick, why do we keep trying to reinvent toys with screens, sounds, buttons, gadgets and other physically unnatural and mentally inactive ways of engaging our minds?
In theatre the prop master is responsible for working with the director to collect all the objects from the story necessary for the production. While the overall curating and care of these items is under their responsibility the actor must take accountability for any and all props they carry or connect with during the production. I’ll always remember a stage combat teacher driving this point home with us. If we are using a prop such as a knife or any weapon, it is not only our responsibility to make sure they are set in the designated area during rehearsals and top of each show, but we are to make sure they work properly, and any issues are brought to the head of that department immediately. When you think of it in terms of weapons that makes sense right? I mean I was in a production of the Scottish play and Banquo literally got stabbed and had to be taken to the hospital and someone else (and I have no idea who) had to grab the script and step in to read for him, so yeah, check your props. Even with a clock you only touch once but other characters interact with it and it’s integral to the story, make sure you know it’s set properly. That’s how you work as a cohesive respectful team, everyone has each other’s back. And while it is just as important to check your props at top of show it’s your responsibility to make sure they return to their designated area after the show ends so it’s set for the next performance. Nobody should be darting around to cast members collected unaccounted for props because we didn’t do our job which was to put it back when we were done using it. This is a huge lesson to teach our kids. It’s about instilling respect for our own property and the property of others. It’s about encouraging order, taking accountability for one’s possession - you pick a toy to play with and you put it back where it belongs when you have finished playing. It’s really that simple. It’s important because a massive explosion of toys is overstimulating for our children and if they start throwing a tantrum trying to regulate themselves to get out of that madness, we get mad at them. So, we punish them because we gave them too much and they didn’t know how to handle it…that seems assbackwards. On top of their overwhelm what about ours? I can’t stand having toys thrown all over our home – it drives me insane. Like, I can’t think properly when there’s a mess, and clutter and stuff everywhere. Having an insane amount of toys creates a bigger mess in our home which we then fight with our children to clean up or we clean up ourselves and are angry and resentful about it. If we are becoming stressed and overwhelmed by the clutter, the cleanup and the chaos, it is 100% our fault and 100% our responsibility to fix. Our kids didn’t go buy the toys. If they’ve left them tossed around it’s because we have not taught them the responsibility of caring for their property. We have not taught them the importance of organizing to eliminate chaos and show respect to the home they live in by maintaining some sort of order. Guiding our kids to take responsibility and be accountable in that way at a young age means they will grow up to be adults who continue that behavior. And that level of respect will go far beyond just their property possessions and others that goes to the core of how they will interact with other people, so…things to think about.
*Angelica Interlude
Angelica: I’ll be right back (humming), welcome to the ooh-lala sleep over, welcome to the sleepover gang, [unintelligible sounds] never end, and I know, good-bye. [lots of random sounds and noise] ta-da! And my really really own shadow puppet. I’m practically an expert at clothes. ELMO! Yeah. [singing something no one can understand] Elmo can’t see, Elmo’s bandana.
Mom: He can’t see with the bandana on?
Angelica: Elmo can see a bandana.
Here’s the parent discussion on toys these days: passive toys vs active toys
Passive toys are the ones that kids have to manipulate and active toys are the ones that light up, make noise and perform to entertain or “teach” our children. Active toys are the flashy one’s big corporations and box stores tell us we must have through lots of brilliantly marketed advertising psychology for the easily duped. Passive toys are the ridiculously expensive wooden toys found on Etsy and other places for parents who want to be so woke about infant/toddler education but mostly feel superior to other parents because they were able to afford them and give them all of those things. I know, I know, I’m being a bit of a dramatic judgie pants right now for the sake of podcast humor; full disclosure of my hypocritical judginess we have both active and passive toys in our home and I’d guess the majority of families do too. Active toys are not inherently bad and most of them can be made passive by just turning the switch to off or taking the batteries out. The goal of a toy is to, like with props in the theatre, encourage active choices and aid the player in expanding their imagination and development. And using the word toy puts so much pressure on parents to have to buy the right thing online or at a store. There are lots of objects we have within our own homes that can be used as fantastic tools to support our child’s development. I keep an empty Amazon box or two on hand specifically for this reason. Once I’ve given Angelica an empty cardboard box she will be set to play for days (on and off obviously). She’s been currently using the larger boxes as pirate ships. They’ve been imagined as forts, homes for her dolls, ships, buckets, areas to color, and so many more things. I read a response to the question “what toys are good for kids” from the late RIE creator Magda Gerber, who I learned about through Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled podcast. And I’ll link her response in the show notes, but she makes a point of saying that active toys teach children to be entertained and basically prime them for sitting and watching TV. She also made a distinction between toys and objects with object’s being anything that can be manipulated and explored in a multitude of ways. That’s what actors do or anyone who is creating, inventing or looking to be an innovator. You look at ordinary things in extraordinarily different ways.
So, lovelies, I’ll ask you again…
What are props and how are they used in theatre?
What is the purpose of a toy?
What toys engage the imagination of children?
And do we teach our children to respect their toys and the property of others?
We want to present toys or objects to our kids that will spark their imagination, guide them to explore the world and stretch themselves to learn necessary developmental skills. In addition to stretching their imagination we must also look at toys from the perspective of what our kids will do to them in determining what to have available and the quality of that product. We spend a lot of money buying toys for our kids. Once they have them, though, most toys don’t stand a chance of survival in the hands of a child. They break, they smash them, they experiment on them, damage them, abuse them, we end up buying more toys and then they outgrow them. Having a mix of active and passive toys is probably what many families have and that’s totally fine. Don’t think that it’s necessary to go out and spend money buying all new passive toys. On the contrary, we should scout our homes to find a few objects we already have that will be best suited for our children. One thing that works in our home (or rather we’ve been experimenting with this for about 1 year) is rotating our toys. Every week or 10 days we pull out all her toys, and I mean allllllll of the toys and dump them in the center of her bedroom and switch up what is available for her to play with on the shelves in the living room. It keeps her from being overwhelmed by the amount of toys she has and then she can focus on playing with specific objects until she’s finished. Selfishly, it keeps me from having a major clean-up battle. I couldn’t take the clutter, so I remember reading a Montessori blog and it talked about rotating toys and I’m so much more comfortable in my home. Cause we, like I think a lot of families who are in a position in which they have been blessed to be able to give their kids a lot of things, have given our daughter a lot of things. And I’ve witnessed her have so much available for her and see the look in her face and the way she’s engaging and her behavior – she’s beyond overwhelmed at the chaos. So I needed to find something that was going to keep her more calm, more centered, and me have a little bit more sanity because there wasn’t so much clutter and keep me from screaming at her, “you have all these toys, why can’t you find something to play with?!!” I was overwhelming her with that. So then I’m getting mad at her for her responding in a way that’s telling me, “I’m overwhelmed by all of this, please help me figure this out because I’m two and I don’t know how.” Now, does she still get into far too many things at a time? Yes. Do we still have clean-up battles? Most definitely. But this method works in our home because it forced us to donate and then to organize and create a system in which there’s less chaos, less clutter so there’s more room for play. It helps me focus on what she is showing an interest in and putting out toys and objects for her to work on satisfying that interest and building the skills she seems to be focused on building. The toys and objects that we present to our kids should be there to help them with their development and what they are learning and exploring. If we’re just giving them things for entertainment, to keep them busy so they can stay out of our hair, we’re really losing a big opportunity to help our kids explore the world in ways that are best for them not just convenient for us. So, this holiday as you are buying your gifts for your children take a moment and think about does this toy serve them or serve me? And if I feel that it serves them will this toy cause more of an issue for us down the road if they break it, if they abandon it, if they leave it tossed around, if they neglect to take care of their responsibility or show little interest in it after a week will we find acceptance with that and not feel we need to substitute by getting another toy or are we going to get mad at them and feel they’re ungrateful because we bought this for them and they’ve tossed it to the side. Are we paying attention to what our kids really want and needs as opposed to what we think they want or what we think they need or what we think will make them happy? Things to think about.
A Short Story Before We Go
Her eyes were so overwhelmed. Gift wrap mountains divided her from everyone else in the room. Her tiny hands were batting everything around her. I couldn’t tell at first if it was frustration or excitement; then I realized it was overstimulation. She was about to have a meltdown. If you stop and really pay attention, you can always catch that switch. Her cousin had the same look. He was fixated on a particular toy and wanted to play with it as another package was shoved at his two-year-old hands. “Look another present from Santa!” And he erupted. All he wanted was to play with the toy in his hands and it was being ripped from him and replaced with another. His partner in crime saw the anguish on his face and she joined in with a commiserating growl.
We each found another adult in matching Christmas pajamas to lock eyes with and shout, “Ohmigod what the hell is happening?” “The babies are losing it, this is madness, they need to get it together, this is so much for them, maybe this was a bit much.” Each parent group was grabbing their child while the rest of the family did their best to clear torn wrapping paper, crumpled tissue paper and discarded toy packaging. As the little ones were cuddled by their parents, they each started to relax, though they continued squirming and slithering out for toys that caught their attention.
The stacks of gifts under the tree had barely diminished. With the new energy in the room this Christmas morning was going to last the whole day. After a short break the cycle restarted – hand out gifts, pray for the best, enjoy some peace, BAM meltdown, take a break, start again. Once we were done and every child had a pile of toys taller than they were stacked near them it was time to get breakfast ready. As some people left the living room to prepare a delicious Christmas breakfast, including scrambled eggs bacon and monkey bread, I stayed behind to clean up and be part of the Kids Christmas Overwhelm Transition team. We were going to need a new system for next year.
That time is now.
“It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!” she shouts like a natural born Buddy the Elf. “I want a gift! Oh please, oh please, oh please! Santa’s coming! I want a gift!” My heart and intestines play leapfrog as I contemplate how to respond to this. She’s three and beyond excited for this holiday in which people get presents and by people, I mean kids, quite specifically her. I am a bit of a Buddy the Elf myself, so I understand her joy. The other side of me that hears “I want I want gimme gimme gifts gifts gifts for me. Give it to me!” just imagines a little Veruca Salt. “I want the world, I want the whole world, I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it’s my bar of chocolate, give it to me now” and thinking I might be creating that in the world makes me nauseous.
Maybe we do have Christmas last until New Years and every day they get to open another few gifts. Maybe we just have to pace ourselves to make sure the adults are adjusting to the children. I’d love to say this year we conquered the too many gifts dilemma, but I know for a fact that is not the case (grandparents gonna do what grandparents are gonna do, am I right?). I hope in these last days until Christmas I can shift the vibe from the joy of receiving gifts to the joy of giving. Should I give her some slack because she’s three and just let her enjoy the holiday the way she wants? Of course. Should I do my best to redirect the energy towards the joy of giving and find ways to emphasize that part of the holiday? Without a doubt. May it be the beginning of some beautiful traditions that also teach her empathy, kindness, generosity and hope. She’s a pretty amazing little munchkin, I know she’ll get it and spread love to everyone she meets.
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“May you always be satisfied”
Whether it’s the holiday season (like it is now) or a birthday, our kids absolutely LOVE receiving gifts. And as parents, let’s face it, we love watching their faces light up when they open a gift. We want to give our kids the world. What’s important to remember is what we want to give them is not always what they need. This year we added “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” to our library and as I finished the story, I wondered how many kids in the world would react like a Who from Who-ville, joining hands with their community to celebrate love, family and friendship, when the material part of Christmas had been stolen away from them?
Let’s raise a glass to teaching our kids to be satisfied with less material possessions this holiday season and all that follow. May they always be satisfied with the simplicity of finding a stick or a ball to play with and finding joy in imaginative play of regular everyday simple objects.
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me again for another episode. I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next week’s episode will be the last in this season and it will pay respect to clowns who are experts on everything and what we can learn from them. It’s so wild to me to think an entire season is coming to an end. I’m beyond grateful to be ending this batshit crazy year creating this show and going on this journey with you.
If you are on Instagram so am I. You can find me @mfaparentingedition and give me a follow. I’ll be taking a three-week break for the holidays and coming back with season two around mid-January so please follow me on Instagram and also on the MFA website for updates on season two and parenting & theatre resources.
If you enjoyed this episode and want to show your support, please spread a beautiful act of kindness by rating it if you’re listening on Apple podcasts and leaving a kind review if you feel so inclined and telling at least one person about the show and that they can find it wherever they listen to their podcasts. And always, thank you to those who have rated the show and left a beautiful review – I appreciate you.
Again, thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.
Episode title: March of the Toys
Episode summary: What are props and how are they used in theatre? What is the purpose of a toy? What toys engage the imagination of children? How many toys is too many? Do we teach our children to respect their toys and the property of others? How can we adjust our holiday gift giving to give with more intention? What does that even mean?
Props in Theatre & Your Imagination
The History of Toys
Angelica Interlude
Passive Toys vs Active Toys
A Short Story Before We Go:
- Christmas Meltdown
- The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
- Today’s lyrics – “May you always be satisfied” ~ Angelica Schuyler
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness:
- Rate the podcast (and leave a kind review if you feel so inclined)
- Tell one person you know you enjoyed this podcast and they should check it out
Sources that inspired this episode or random tidbits of knowledge:
- Why this toy? (blog)
- Toy (Encyclopedia Britannica)
- National Toy Hall of Fame
- Toy Timeline (Brighton Museum UK)
- The Best Toys for Babies Don’t Do Anything (Magda Gerber article)
- Play Stuff (blog)
- Categories of Props (blog)
- Property – theatre (Encyclopedia Britannica)
- Chekhov’s Gun (Masterclass writing tip)
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Full Transcript
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well, I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode is all about toys, props and exercising our imagination. Just in time for Christmas, right? We’ll explore some challenging questions, I’ll share some stories, and then we’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Quote: “I want the world, I want the whole world, I want to lock it all up in my pocket it’s my bar of chocolate, give it to me now” from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Episode Eighteen – March of the Toys
Question – What are props and how are they used in theatre? What is the purpose of a toy? What toys engage the imagination of children? How many toys is too many? Do we teach our children to respect their toys and the property of others? How can we adjust our holiday gift giving to give with more intention? What does that even mean?
In theatre, props are toy’s that actors use. A personal prop is something an actor carries with them that’s of significance to the character they’re playing. Finding that item and using it throughout rehearsal is so valuable for getting into character. The object doesn’t have to be something called for in the script it can be whatever you feel the character would carry with them, either based on the text or your imagination. Most props actors use in rehearsal aren’t going to be the ones used in performance, so what an actor does in rehearsal is rely heavily on their imagination.
Our imagination can turn a ruler into a dagger and a plastic pitcher into a magic lamp. Actors are constantly endowing random objects with value to make the world of the play real for them. Props are necessary for that purpose. They ground the actor, they move the plot along, they paint a more defined world, they pull the audience in. Try staging Aladdin without the lamp or the magic carpet. I actually saw a touring production of Aladdin before the pandemic hit in which the magic carpet had stage fright, I assume, and missed its entrance stalling “A Whole New World” for almost a solid 10 minutes before it was ready to take flight sailing Jasmine and Aladdin through the proscenium sky. Acting, like Meisner said is, “behaving truthfully under imaginary circumstances.” Exercising our imagination regularly gives artists the ability to play and create with such conviction.
Presenting open ended toys to our kids is the first step we can take to help them engage their imagination and all their senses as they journey through their child development.
The History of Toys
Why do we buy our kids toys? Is it because someone somewhere said we had to? Is it because psychologists, therapists, and family experts have shamed us into believing if we don’t have certain materials and equipment our children will not succeed making us bad parents? Do we buy into the parent consumer trap where we just feel the need to give our kids all the things that’ll immediately light up their faces (we hope) and think this will make them better kids, smarter kids or happier kids and us, by default, better parents? Whatever happened to just being happy playing with a stick or a ball?
So, toys have been around FOREVER!!! I read a few articles that placed the identification of toys going back to like 2600 BCE, it could’ve been even earlier than that. Early written mentions of toys can be found in Ancient Greece, and the toy…yo-yos. Items like yo-yo’s, kites and balls have paved the way for all the bells & whistles of modern toys. In fact, balls predated all toys, maybe because before the formation of a ball kids played with rocks, makes sense to me. Maybe using a stick as a toy has been around as long as the ball. Those are open-ended objects; they went from weapons for survival to play entertainment; that’s quite convenient. Dolls are also included in the short list of toys that have been around since as long as humans.
As we’ve evolved so has technology and our interest in experimenting with the creation of new toys. As a species we went from playing with rocks and sticks to crafting balls, yo-yo’s, and dolls, to making rocking horses, to trains with moving parts, mechanical toys, toys with batteries, plastic toys with bright colors that make sounds and light up, to electronic gadgets that connect to TV’s, phones, and other people across the globe. That’s insane and amazing and overwhelming. The thing is if you give a kid a stick, they will most likely, even if at first reluctant, they’ll find at least 8 different ways to play with that stick in a relatively short period of time. If you plop a child in front of a video game, there’s a learning curve to figuring out the way to play the game correctly which can be frustrating until you get it and then the psychology of all the addictive properties of the game kick in so you don’t want to play anything else. The same goes for adults. So, if we can all easily find ways of engaging our imagination to find multiple ways of playing with a stick, why do we keep trying to reinvent toys with screens, sounds, buttons, gadgets and other physically unnatural and mentally inactive ways of engaging our minds?
In theatre the prop master is responsible for working with the director to collect all the objects from the story necessary for the production. While the overall curating and care of these items is under their responsibility the actor must take accountability for any and all props they carry or connect with during the production. I’ll always remember a stage combat teacher driving this point home with us. If we are using a prop such as a knife or any weapon, it is not only our responsibility to make sure they are set in the designated area during rehearsals and top of each show, but we are to make sure they work properly, and any issues are brought to the head of that department immediately. When you think of it in terms of weapons that makes sense right? I mean I was in a production of the Scottish play and Banquo literally got stabbed and had to be taken to the hospital and someone else (and I have no idea who) had to grab the script and step in to read for him, so yeah, check your props. Even with a clock you only touch once but other characters interact with it and it’s integral to the story, make sure you know it’s set properly. That’s how you work as a cohesive respectful team, everyone has each other’s back. And while it is just as important to check your props at top of show it’s your responsibility to make sure they return to their designated area after the show ends so it’s set for the next performance. Nobody should be darting around to cast members collected unaccounted for props because we didn’t do our job which was to put it back when we were done using it. This is a huge lesson to teach our kids. It’s about instilling respect for our own property and the property of others. It’s about encouraging order, taking accountability for one’s possession - you pick a toy to play with and you put it back where it belongs when you have finished playing. It’s really that simple. It’s important because a massive explosion of toys is overstimulating for our children and if they start throwing a tantrum trying to regulate themselves to get out of that madness, we get mad at them. So, we punish them because we gave them too much and they didn’t know how to handle it…that seems assbackwards. On top of their overwhelm what about ours? I can’t stand having toys thrown all over our home – it drives me insane. Like, I can’t think properly when there’s a mess, and clutter and stuff everywhere. Having an insane amount of toys creates a bigger mess in our home which we then fight with our children to clean up or we clean up ourselves and are angry and resentful about it. If we are becoming stressed and overwhelmed by the clutter, the cleanup and the chaos, it is 100% our fault and 100% our responsibility to fix. Our kids didn’t go buy the toys. If they’ve left them tossed around it’s because we have not taught them the responsibility of caring for their property. We have not taught them the importance of organizing to eliminate chaos and show respect to the home they live in by maintaining some sort of order. Guiding our kids to take responsibility and be accountable in that way at a young age means they will grow up to be adults who continue that behavior. And that level of respect will go far beyond just their property possessions and others that goes to the core of how they will interact with other people, so…things to think about.
*Angelica Interlude
Angelica: I’ll be right back (humming), welcome to the ooh-lala sleep over, welcome to the sleepover gang, [unintelligible sounds] never end, and I know, good-bye. [lots of random sounds and noise] ta-da! And my really really own shadow puppet. I’m practically an expert at clothes. ELMO! Yeah. [singing something no one can understand] Elmo can’t see, Elmo’s bandana.
Mom: He can’t see with the bandana on?
Angelica: Elmo can see a bandana.
Here’s the parent discussion on toys these days: passive toys vs active toys
Passive toys are the ones that kids have to manipulate and active toys are the ones that light up, make noise and perform to entertain or “teach” our children. Active toys are the flashy one’s big corporations and box stores tell us we must have through lots of brilliantly marketed advertising psychology for the easily duped. Passive toys are the ridiculously expensive wooden toys found on Etsy and other places for parents who want to be so woke about infant/toddler education but mostly feel superior to other parents because they were able to afford them and give them all of those things. I know, I know, I’m being a bit of a dramatic judgie pants right now for the sake of podcast humor; full disclosure of my hypocritical judginess we have both active and passive toys in our home and I’d guess the majority of families do too. Active toys are not inherently bad and most of them can be made passive by just turning the switch to off or taking the batteries out. The goal of a toy is to, like with props in the theatre, encourage active choices and aid the player in expanding their imagination and development. And using the word toy puts so much pressure on parents to have to buy the right thing online or at a store. There are lots of objects we have within our own homes that can be used as fantastic tools to support our child’s development. I keep an empty Amazon box or two on hand specifically for this reason. Once I’ve given Angelica an empty cardboard box she will be set to play for days (on and off obviously). She’s been currently using the larger boxes as pirate ships. They’ve been imagined as forts, homes for her dolls, ships, buckets, areas to color, and so many more things. I read a response to the question “what toys are good for kids” from the late RIE creator Magda Gerber, who I learned about through Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled podcast. And I’ll link her response in the show notes, but she makes a point of saying that active toys teach children to be entertained and basically prime them for sitting and watching TV. She also made a distinction between toys and objects with object’s being anything that can be manipulated and explored in a multitude of ways. That’s what actors do or anyone who is creating, inventing or looking to be an innovator. You look at ordinary things in extraordinarily different ways.
So, lovelies, I’ll ask you again…
What are props and how are they used in theatre?
What is the purpose of a toy?
What toys engage the imagination of children?
And do we teach our children to respect their toys and the property of others?
We want to present toys or objects to our kids that will spark their imagination, guide them to explore the world and stretch themselves to learn necessary developmental skills. In addition to stretching their imagination we must also look at toys from the perspective of what our kids will do to them in determining what to have available and the quality of that product. We spend a lot of money buying toys for our kids. Once they have them, though, most toys don’t stand a chance of survival in the hands of a child. They break, they smash them, they experiment on them, damage them, abuse them, we end up buying more toys and then they outgrow them. Having a mix of active and passive toys is probably what many families have and that’s totally fine. Don’t think that it’s necessary to go out and spend money buying all new passive toys. On the contrary, we should scout our homes to find a few objects we already have that will be best suited for our children. One thing that works in our home (or rather we’ve been experimenting with this for about 1 year) is rotating our toys. Every week or 10 days we pull out all her toys, and I mean allllllll of the toys and dump them in the center of her bedroom and switch up what is available for her to play with on the shelves in the living room. It keeps her from being overwhelmed by the amount of toys she has and then she can focus on playing with specific objects until she’s finished. Selfishly, it keeps me from having a major clean-up battle. I couldn’t take the clutter, so I remember reading a Montessori blog and it talked about rotating toys and I’m so much more comfortable in my home. Cause we, like I think a lot of families who are in a position in which they have been blessed to be able to give their kids a lot of things, have given our daughter a lot of things. And I’ve witnessed her have so much available for her and see the look in her face and the way she’s engaging and her behavior – she’s beyond overwhelmed at the chaos. So I needed to find something that was going to keep her more calm, more centered, and me have a little bit more sanity because there wasn’t so much clutter and keep me from screaming at her, “you have all these toys, why can’t you find something to play with?!!” I was overwhelming her with that. So then I’m getting mad at her for her responding in a way that’s telling me, “I’m overwhelmed by all of this, please help me figure this out because I’m two and I don’t know how.” Now, does she still get into far too many things at a time? Yes. Do we still have clean-up battles? Most definitely. But this method works in our home because it forced us to donate and then to organize and create a system in which there’s less chaos, less clutter so there’s more room for play. It helps me focus on what she is showing an interest in and putting out toys and objects for her to work on satisfying that interest and building the skills she seems to be focused on building. The toys and objects that we present to our kids should be there to help them with their development and what they are learning and exploring. If we’re just giving them things for entertainment, to keep them busy so they can stay out of our hair, we’re really losing a big opportunity to help our kids explore the world in ways that are best for them not just convenient for us. So, this holiday as you are buying your gifts for your children take a moment and think about does this toy serve them or serve me? And if I feel that it serves them will this toy cause more of an issue for us down the road if they break it, if they abandon it, if they leave it tossed around, if they neglect to take care of their responsibility or show little interest in it after a week will we find acceptance with that and not feel we need to substitute by getting another toy or are we going to get mad at them and feel they’re ungrateful because we bought this for them and they’ve tossed it to the side. Are we paying attention to what our kids really want and needs as opposed to what we think they want or what we think they need or what we think will make them happy? Things to think about.
A Short Story Before We Go
Her eyes were so overwhelmed. Gift wrap mountains divided her from everyone else in the room. Her tiny hands were batting everything around her. I couldn’t tell at first if it was frustration or excitement; then I realized it was overstimulation. She was about to have a meltdown. If you stop and really pay attention, you can always catch that switch. Her cousin had the same look. He was fixated on a particular toy and wanted to play with it as another package was shoved at his two-year-old hands. “Look another present from Santa!” And he erupted. All he wanted was to play with the toy in his hands and it was being ripped from him and replaced with another. His partner in crime saw the anguish on his face and she joined in with a commiserating growl.
We each found another adult in matching Christmas pajamas to lock eyes with and shout, “Ohmigod what the hell is happening?” “The babies are losing it, this is madness, they need to get it together, this is so much for them, maybe this was a bit much.” Each parent group was grabbing their child while the rest of the family did their best to clear torn wrapping paper, crumpled tissue paper and discarded toy packaging. As the little ones were cuddled by their parents, they each started to relax, though they continued squirming and slithering out for toys that caught their attention.
The stacks of gifts under the tree had barely diminished. With the new energy in the room this Christmas morning was going to last the whole day. After a short break the cycle restarted – hand out gifts, pray for the best, enjoy some peace, BAM meltdown, take a break, start again. Once we were done and every child had a pile of toys taller than they were stacked near them it was time to get breakfast ready. As some people left the living room to prepare a delicious Christmas breakfast, including scrambled eggs bacon and monkey bread, I stayed behind to clean up and be part of the Kids Christmas Overwhelm Transition team. We were going to need a new system for next year.
That time is now.
“It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!” she shouts like a natural born Buddy the Elf. “I want a gift! Oh please, oh please, oh please! Santa’s coming! I want a gift!” My heart and intestines play leapfrog as I contemplate how to respond to this. She’s three and beyond excited for this holiday in which people get presents and by people, I mean kids, quite specifically her. I am a bit of a Buddy the Elf myself, so I understand her joy. The other side of me that hears “I want I want gimme gimme gifts gifts gifts for me. Give it to me!” just imagines a little Veruca Salt. “I want the world, I want the whole world, I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it’s my bar of chocolate, give it to me now” and thinking I might be creating that in the world makes me nauseous.
Maybe we do have Christmas last until New Years and every day they get to open another few gifts. Maybe we just have to pace ourselves to make sure the adults are adjusting to the children. I’d love to say this year we conquered the too many gifts dilemma, but I know for a fact that is not the case (grandparents gonna do what grandparents are gonna do, am I right?). I hope in these last days until Christmas I can shift the vibe from the joy of receiving gifts to the joy of giving. Should I give her some slack because she’s three and just let her enjoy the holiday the way she wants? Of course. Should I do my best to redirect the energy towards the joy of giving and find ways to emphasize that part of the holiday? Without a doubt. May it be the beginning of some beautiful traditions that also teach her empathy, kindness, generosity and hope. She’s a pretty amazing little munchkin, I know she’ll get it and spread love to everyone she meets.
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“May you always be satisfied”
Whether it’s the holiday season (like it is now) or a birthday, our kids absolutely LOVE receiving gifts. And as parents, let’s face it, we love watching their faces light up when they open a gift. We want to give our kids the world. What’s important to remember is what we want to give them is not always what they need. This year we added “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” to our library and as I finished the story, I wondered how many kids in the world would react like a Who from Who-ville, joining hands with their community to celebrate love, family and friendship, when the material part of Christmas had been stolen away from them?
Let’s raise a glass to teaching our kids to be satisfied with less material possessions this holiday season and all that follow. May they always be satisfied with the simplicity of finding a stick or a ball to play with and finding joy in imaginative play of regular everyday simple objects.
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me again for another episode. I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next week’s episode will be the last in this season and it will pay respect to clowns who are experts on everything and what we can learn from them. It’s so wild to me to think an entire season is coming to an end. I’m beyond grateful to be ending this batshit crazy year creating this show and going on this journey with you.
If you are on Instagram so am I. You can find me @mfaparentingedition and give me a follow. I’ll be taking a three-week break for the holidays and coming back with season two around mid-January so please follow me on Instagram and also on the MFA website for updates on season two and parenting & theatre resources.
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Again, thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.