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MFA: THE PARENTING EDITION EPISODE 14 SHOW NOTES
Episode title: Yes, and
Episode summary: What is improv? What the hell are people talking about in theater and improv when they say “yes, and”? How can it benefit our parenting journey?
Today’s Verb – To Improv
Theater Games
Yes, And
Angelica Interlude
What I Learned in Improv
A Short Story Before We Go:
The Raise a Glass Series:
Episode transcript: See full transcript below.
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness:
Sources that inspired this episode or random tidbits of knowledge:
-------------
Full Transcript
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode explores the benefits of improv and the phrase “yes, and” in our parenting. We’ll explore some challenging questions, I’ll share some stories, and then we’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Quote: “Everyone can act. Everyone can improvise. Anyone who wishes to can play in the theater and learn to become 'stage-worthy.' We learn through experience and experiencing, and no one teaches anyone anything. This is as true for the infant moving from kicking and crawling to walking as it is for the scientist with his equations. If the environment permits it, anyone can learn whatever he chooses to learn; and if the individual permits it, the environment will teach him everything it has to teach.” Viola Spolin in her book Improvisation for the Theater
Episode Fourteen – Yes, and
Question - What is improv? What the hell are people talking about in theater and improv when they say “yes, and”? How can it benefit our parenting journey?
Today’s Verb – To Improvise
To improvise is to do something without being prepared or make some shit up on the fly. Improvisation is a necessary tool in the theatre world, and let’s be honest it’s a necessary tool in life. We improvise all day long. We never know what we’re going to say to someone before we say it, problems come up in our best laid plans and we need to figure out how to adjust to them. Life is one big game of improv. Shakespeare told us, “all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.” To be a player means we play. Every day we are blessed to wake up is an opportunity for us to play in this world. Do we take it? Kids do. I’m sure not all kids do, given the circumstances they were born into, but they are designed to play. We were designed to play, to learn through play, to adapt to our world through play.
I feel when most people think about improv in theatre they think of comedy improv in the style of The Second City, The Groundlings, Upright Citizens Brigade and more. On Second City’s website it says, “it all started with children’s games.” These games were developed by Viola Spolin.
Theater Games
While improvised games for education and fun have been around in some capacity long before Ms. Spolin, she helped develop a system for problem solving and connecting to one another that has greatly influenced the training of American actors over the last 60 years. She gives her inspiration to Neva Boyd who helped train social workers for group work with focus on play, utilizing children’s games. Boyd felt you can teach children how to socialize and learn through play. She says, “Play involves social values, as does no other behavior. The spirit of play develops social adaptability, ethics, mental and emotional control, and imagination.” Spolin later went on to work with immigrant children and developed her teaching to be accessible through language and culture barriers. Her work centered around providing tools for people to learn about themselves, connect to other people, explore the world with wonder and find newness. The games are designed to teacher both adults and children how to create sparks of joy.
How many of us love watching our children play or kids in general play? If you don’t you’re a monster. Seriously, you’re a monster because when we witness them use their imagination to improvise elaborate scenarios with their toys or other kid’s we are watching pure joy and freedom. In their games anything is possible. They make up rules and a framework to play within that they follow when playing solo or agree to follow when they’re in a group. If the guidelines are questioned or challenged by another person, they work to figure out a way to get everybody to a place of yes, and. If another child constantly negates every decision, we witness the group’s morale diminish to the point they don’t want to play anymore or they get collectively pissed and tell that kid to fuck off and they can’t play with them. They regulate the fairness for all, mostly, without us as adults having to get in the middle of it.
Yes, and – What does that mean?
To accept an offer and add to it. This is the essence of improv. If another actor comes up to you on stage with a gift and says Happy Birthday I got you two tickets to see Beyonce, responding Yes that’s what I’ve always wanted and obviously you are my plus one so you can pick whether we take a limo or a stretch hummer to the arena, is one way you can accept that offer and add on it. From there you can build a whole world around these two characters. Saying no or negating anything your partner or partners throw at you, cuts off all possibilities of exploration and ruins the experience for the audience.
This is not just a theatre tool but one for life! Saying yes and embracing opportunities that show up in our lives helps us grow and evolve. Now of course we have to say no to things sometimes, like for our safety, yes, and we will choose the options that keep us alive. You see what I did there?! We can always choose to Ted Lasso our lives and spin our thinking and actions to the positive. I fucking love this show! Ohmigod! If you haven’t seen it yet, please go and watch it now. They are by no means paying me to say this and it’s just coming from the genuine admiration I have for this show but please watch it. It’s gonna make you feel good. And it’s gonna make you wanna do good. Okay, so, getting back to what I was saying.
As a parent the most important part of making “yes, and” work for you is knowing what you’re okay saying yes too. Have you ever found yourself saying no to things that you eventually say yes too? Sometimes our change of heart is more about us conceding to being strong-armed by our child. Other times we change our minds because we might’ve said no out of instinct or habit only to reassess and find you’re actually fine with their request. Those are the times it’s beneficial to be the most mindful. No is a complete sentence and we should use it responsibly. Stop negating the things that are not worth negating in the first place. I know that sounded aggressive. That line was more like a post-it notes for me. I catch myself saying no a lot and, well, sometimes with a three-year-old you have too. Of course, it’s her favorite word now so we just spend way too much time negating every offer being made to one another and we get so pissed at each other and wonder why this fucking game sucks. We teach our kids to tune us out when we say no to everything they offer. We cut off all possibilities of play, exploration, and ruin their experience as a participant in the relationship we’re building. Our kids will learn more resilience from the strategically placed no’s. As I say all this I’m thinking about all the moments just TODAY I was unsuccessful at picking my battles. Our little scene partners will push our buttons to get what they want. They are being an active participant in this relationship and the improv of our daily lives.
In grad school we took classes in mask work. I will always remember this one character mask class when two actors were working and the scene took a dramatic turn. We couldn’t speak, the focus was on using our bodies and the way the mask played on us to communicate our needs to our partner and the audience. The guy made a gesture with a sound that brought out all of this sadness and need for care (this is my interpretation, you could ask each person in my class about this experience from 10 years ago and get tons of different responses). The girl who was working with him, who had been creating an environment around herself (imaginary of course), turned to him and instantly she responded to him with such tenderness, their relationship became so clear for me. She nurtured him like she was his mother and he took that and gave in fully to the role of a son needing comforting. He tossed a gift to his partner and instead of her rejecting it to try and be clever and funny she said yes and tossed back another gem that said ‘I’ll play this role for you and we’ll see how far we can take this exploration.’ I get emotional just remembering the response I had to watching them and the tableaux in my mind of him looking broken and her turned to him longing to comfort. They never spoke beforehand about an agreed upon scenario, who they were, what place they were in. They just had to make an offer and pray their partner was ready to say yes, and.
*Angelica Interlude
Angelica playing solo in her room. It’s mostly unintelligible noises but she’s having an amazing time creating her own world with her dolls and dollhouse.
What I Learned in Improv
After college I realized I was terrified of improv so I took a class. I signed up for like an 8-week beginner course at the DC Improv. I learned lots of short form games and the long form, known as a Harold. But you can’t take one 8-week class and be cured of your internal fears and insecurities. So, after going to NY to study for a month at the New York Film Academy I came home and started studying with an improv troupe in Baltimore. Sometime after that I went off to grad school where I was still hesitant when engaged in improv games for a few reasons. One, I love watching people doing exciting fun and funny things so sometimes I’d get so wrapped up witnessing I’d forget to participate and two, I would get stuck thinking of somewhere to take the scene. I’d have no ideas. Like a writer with writers block I’d become paralyzed from not being able to act because I didn’t know what to do. The trap I continually fell into was being selfish as an actor. I wanted to come in with something clever. I wanted to not look dumb. I wanted to add something of value and significance and sometimes just feel like I could add anything at all. I would get so stuck in my head trying to figure something out the moment to jump in would pass me by. Jumping forward a bunch more years when I was taking an improv class at Improv U, right around the time I found out I was pregnant, things hit home. We were doing a game in a circle, can’t remember which one it was, it might’ve been someone had to jump in the circle and sing a song or tell a story and then someone else needed to tag them out. When we were done the instructor, who was just the most jubilant person ever, reminded us of the goal of the game. It wasn’t about doing the act it was about saving your partner. You might not have anything to jump in with but if your fellow actor is drowning on stage it’s your job to save them. Just trust something will happen once you jump in or someone will jump in and save you.
That’s what parenting is.
So lovelies, I’ll ask you again…
What is improv?
What the hell does “yes, and” mean?
How can it benefit our parenting journey?
Improv is accepting your situation and responding to it without preparation. It is the way in which we engage with the world – spontaneously. Even the most cautious, methodical, slow to anger, verbally responsible people in the world improvises every day of their lives. Our lives, as routine as they can become, are not without change or breath for new possibilities. Each moment we’re offered something new, whether it be a question thrown at us, or a shoe thrown at us from an impulsive child, we have entered a new improvised scene in which we must choose how to respond.
Our children are great improv teachers because they are always ready to say yes, and. All we need to do is provide them the environment to exercise this skill. I love Viola Spolin’s quote about not teaching anybody anything because it’s true. We as parents spend so much time thinking about all the things we have to teach our kids to help raise them to be the type of person we want them to be. Then we stress about the way others will teach them when they go off to school. I think many parents, due to the COVID pandemic, have felt immensely overwhelmed by the job of having to homeschool and teach their kids. We’re not math teachers or science teachers, well obviously some people are but that’s besides the point right now. We have our own jobs to work to keep food on the table for our kids and don’t have time or space to run a classroom out of the kitchen. We forget that all kids need is a stimulating environment to play, either independently or with others, and lots of reading and conversations for them to learning anything and everything they need to in this life. The responsibility of their growth and education is ours, not a school systems, and we don’t need a degree to teach them. Parents and children have been raising each other since the moment they came together in this world. As long as we are willing to play with them, read to them, have them read to us and engage in meaningful and silly conversations, they’ll learn and they’ll be fine. As one mama who’s too hard on herself to others, cut yourself some slack. Play with your kids and let them play by themselves and with others and we’ll all be better than okay – we might just be fuckin’ great!
A Short Story Before We Go
This chair is your island. It’s safe and where you call home. But, your community is in need of food and the only place to get it is that island, which is that chair. To reach the island you must cross the River of Poisonous Death. The only way to get across the river safely is to use this sheet of paper. All of you must find a way to get across the river using this one sheet of paper. And if any part of you touches the river, you must die a glorious death. Any questions?
Can we rip up the paper?
If you must.
Do we all have to get across at the same time?
That’s up to you.
How instantly does the poison kick in?
Immediately.
Has anyone else successfully done this?
Not answering that.
How the hell were we gonna do this? There were 12 of us in this clowning class, all meeting for the first time. We ran the gamut from experienced actors to novices, our genders, age, and body type were all over the spectrum.
I think we should tear the paper into small pieces so everyone gets a piece.
We’ll each need two pieces, one for each foot.
That’s too much, there’s not enough for all of us.
What about if we each carry someone across?
We all sized each other up and seriously considered it, but in the end, we didn’t think it would work. Back and forth we went with ideas and hesitant experiments. This went on for so long, we made no forward movement. Not wanting to die kept us paralyzed. Not wanting members of our team to die kept us paralyzed. We would all for sure starve to death on this island.
Ok, guys. I see you trying to work this out but I’m gonna jump in here for a minute. How come no one has made it across the river?
We all got very quiet. Then a few people started defending our decision. I stood there asking myself the question, too. Because in the back of my mind and times at the front, all I wanted to do was jump across the island and die a glorious death because I needed to do something. The deliberation and indecision and inaction was making me antsy and curious. I wanted to play. And at that moment we heard,
No one was willing to play. No one tried and failed and died a glorious death. You guys didn’t play the game. There’s no poisonous river here, though your commitment to that detail made it real. It made it so real for you it stopped you from moving forward. You were taking the game way too seriously.
The whole group broke into embarrassed laughter. I felt both validated for my initial impulse and then like a fool because I didn’t follow it. Was it loyalty to the group for not acting on my intuition? Was it fear going out on the path no one else was taking? Fear of going it alone?
Theater games and improvised play teaches us a lot about who we are. They’re not just for fun entertainment, they are designed for our personal growth and connection to one another. Maybe if I’d gone out on the limb and did the ultimate sacrifice (in our safe play environment) I could have encouraged my group to get out of their heads and play; maybe we even might’ve even discovered a way to get some people across the river to the island. There have been many times throughout my life where my sense of curiosity and joy of play were what I needed to trust and I didn’t. Learning to trust my gut has been the biggest part of my journey through personal growth. What’s yours?
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? Soon that attitude may be your doom.”
Assuming you alone can carry an improv scene, or your ideas are best so you work to control the direction of the scene, will be the doom of that improv. Holding on to the false idea or, heaven forbid the belief, that you know best stops us from playing, learning, healing, connecting and growing. As parents, believing we’re the smartest in the room and that it’s our job to teach our kids, these little things that know nothing, is pretentious and dangerous to our relationship with them, and to how they develop in the world. When they’re young, their instinct, emotions, intuition, sense of wonder, and natural born curiosity is how they learn. Those aren’t held with value in the adult world. Part of our children’s job is to knock us down from our high horse and get us back to connecting to the world the way we were designed to.
Let’s raise a glass to not being the smartest in the room and for having our children to remind us of that. Our kids are here to humble us, humiliate us, and teach us to lighten up and play – it’s only life! Let’s live a little.
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me again for another episode. As always, I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next weeks episode is all about collaboration and the theatre trifecta – directing, playwrighting, and acting. We’ll look at how as a parent we must wear all these hats – problem is our kids wear them too…or at least try to.
If you are on Instagram so am I. You can find me @mfaparentingedition and give me a follow.
If you enjoyed this episode and want to show your support please spread a beautiful act of kindness by rating it if your listening on Apple podcasts and leaving a kind review if you feel so inclined, and telling at least one person about the show and that they can find it wherever they listen to their podcasts. And always, thank you to those who have rated the show and left a beautiful review – I appreciate you.
Again, thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.
Episode title: Yes, and
Episode summary: What is improv? What the hell are people talking about in theater and improv when they say “yes, and”? How can it benefit our parenting journey?
Today’s Verb – To Improv
- It all started with children’s games
Theater Games
- Viola Spolin
Yes, And
- Ted Lasso
- Character Masks
Angelica Interlude
- Solo playtime
What I Learned in Improv
- Save Your Partner
A Short Story Before We Go:
- Clowning and Dying Gloriously
The Raise a Glass Series:
- The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
- Today’s lyrics – “Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? Soon that attitude may be your doom.” ~ Aaron Burr
Episode transcript: See full transcript below.
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness:
- Rate the podcast (and leave a kind review if you feel so inclined)
- Tell one person you know you enjoyed this podcast and they should check it out
Sources that inspired this episode or random tidbits of knowledge:
- Viola Spolin’s Improvisation for the Theater
- The Second City – How to Say “Yes, And”
- Ted Lasso (I fucking LOVE this show!)
- Viola Spolin
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Full Transcript
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode explores the benefits of improv and the phrase “yes, and” in our parenting. We’ll explore some challenging questions, I’ll share some stories, and then we’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Quote: “Everyone can act. Everyone can improvise. Anyone who wishes to can play in the theater and learn to become 'stage-worthy.' We learn through experience and experiencing, and no one teaches anyone anything. This is as true for the infant moving from kicking and crawling to walking as it is for the scientist with his equations. If the environment permits it, anyone can learn whatever he chooses to learn; and if the individual permits it, the environment will teach him everything it has to teach.” Viola Spolin in her book Improvisation for the Theater
Episode Fourteen – Yes, and
Question - What is improv? What the hell are people talking about in theater and improv when they say “yes, and”? How can it benefit our parenting journey?
Today’s Verb – To Improvise
To improvise is to do something without being prepared or make some shit up on the fly. Improvisation is a necessary tool in the theatre world, and let’s be honest it’s a necessary tool in life. We improvise all day long. We never know what we’re going to say to someone before we say it, problems come up in our best laid plans and we need to figure out how to adjust to them. Life is one big game of improv. Shakespeare told us, “all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.” To be a player means we play. Every day we are blessed to wake up is an opportunity for us to play in this world. Do we take it? Kids do. I’m sure not all kids do, given the circumstances they were born into, but they are designed to play. We were designed to play, to learn through play, to adapt to our world through play.
I feel when most people think about improv in theatre they think of comedy improv in the style of The Second City, The Groundlings, Upright Citizens Brigade and more. On Second City’s website it says, “it all started with children’s games.” These games were developed by Viola Spolin.
Theater Games
While improvised games for education and fun have been around in some capacity long before Ms. Spolin, she helped develop a system for problem solving and connecting to one another that has greatly influenced the training of American actors over the last 60 years. She gives her inspiration to Neva Boyd who helped train social workers for group work with focus on play, utilizing children’s games. Boyd felt you can teach children how to socialize and learn through play. She says, “Play involves social values, as does no other behavior. The spirit of play develops social adaptability, ethics, mental and emotional control, and imagination.” Spolin later went on to work with immigrant children and developed her teaching to be accessible through language and culture barriers. Her work centered around providing tools for people to learn about themselves, connect to other people, explore the world with wonder and find newness. The games are designed to teacher both adults and children how to create sparks of joy.
How many of us love watching our children play or kids in general play? If you don’t you’re a monster. Seriously, you’re a monster because when we witness them use their imagination to improvise elaborate scenarios with their toys or other kid’s we are watching pure joy and freedom. In their games anything is possible. They make up rules and a framework to play within that they follow when playing solo or agree to follow when they’re in a group. If the guidelines are questioned or challenged by another person, they work to figure out a way to get everybody to a place of yes, and. If another child constantly negates every decision, we witness the group’s morale diminish to the point they don’t want to play anymore or they get collectively pissed and tell that kid to fuck off and they can’t play with them. They regulate the fairness for all, mostly, without us as adults having to get in the middle of it.
Yes, and – What does that mean?
To accept an offer and add to it. This is the essence of improv. If another actor comes up to you on stage with a gift and says Happy Birthday I got you two tickets to see Beyonce, responding Yes that’s what I’ve always wanted and obviously you are my plus one so you can pick whether we take a limo or a stretch hummer to the arena, is one way you can accept that offer and add on it. From there you can build a whole world around these two characters. Saying no or negating anything your partner or partners throw at you, cuts off all possibilities of exploration and ruins the experience for the audience.
This is not just a theatre tool but one for life! Saying yes and embracing opportunities that show up in our lives helps us grow and evolve. Now of course we have to say no to things sometimes, like for our safety, yes, and we will choose the options that keep us alive. You see what I did there?! We can always choose to Ted Lasso our lives and spin our thinking and actions to the positive. I fucking love this show! Ohmigod! If you haven’t seen it yet, please go and watch it now. They are by no means paying me to say this and it’s just coming from the genuine admiration I have for this show but please watch it. It’s gonna make you feel good. And it’s gonna make you wanna do good. Okay, so, getting back to what I was saying.
As a parent the most important part of making “yes, and” work for you is knowing what you’re okay saying yes too. Have you ever found yourself saying no to things that you eventually say yes too? Sometimes our change of heart is more about us conceding to being strong-armed by our child. Other times we change our minds because we might’ve said no out of instinct or habit only to reassess and find you’re actually fine with their request. Those are the times it’s beneficial to be the most mindful. No is a complete sentence and we should use it responsibly. Stop negating the things that are not worth negating in the first place. I know that sounded aggressive. That line was more like a post-it notes for me. I catch myself saying no a lot and, well, sometimes with a three-year-old you have too. Of course, it’s her favorite word now so we just spend way too much time negating every offer being made to one another and we get so pissed at each other and wonder why this fucking game sucks. We teach our kids to tune us out when we say no to everything they offer. We cut off all possibilities of play, exploration, and ruin their experience as a participant in the relationship we’re building. Our kids will learn more resilience from the strategically placed no’s. As I say all this I’m thinking about all the moments just TODAY I was unsuccessful at picking my battles. Our little scene partners will push our buttons to get what they want. They are being an active participant in this relationship and the improv of our daily lives.
In grad school we took classes in mask work. I will always remember this one character mask class when two actors were working and the scene took a dramatic turn. We couldn’t speak, the focus was on using our bodies and the way the mask played on us to communicate our needs to our partner and the audience. The guy made a gesture with a sound that brought out all of this sadness and need for care (this is my interpretation, you could ask each person in my class about this experience from 10 years ago and get tons of different responses). The girl who was working with him, who had been creating an environment around herself (imaginary of course), turned to him and instantly she responded to him with such tenderness, their relationship became so clear for me. She nurtured him like she was his mother and he took that and gave in fully to the role of a son needing comforting. He tossed a gift to his partner and instead of her rejecting it to try and be clever and funny she said yes and tossed back another gem that said ‘I’ll play this role for you and we’ll see how far we can take this exploration.’ I get emotional just remembering the response I had to watching them and the tableaux in my mind of him looking broken and her turned to him longing to comfort. They never spoke beforehand about an agreed upon scenario, who they were, what place they were in. They just had to make an offer and pray their partner was ready to say yes, and.
*Angelica Interlude
Angelica playing solo in her room. It’s mostly unintelligible noises but she’s having an amazing time creating her own world with her dolls and dollhouse.
What I Learned in Improv
After college I realized I was terrified of improv so I took a class. I signed up for like an 8-week beginner course at the DC Improv. I learned lots of short form games and the long form, known as a Harold. But you can’t take one 8-week class and be cured of your internal fears and insecurities. So, after going to NY to study for a month at the New York Film Academy I came home and started studying with an improv troupe in Baltimore. Sometime after that I went off to grad school where I was still hesitant when engaged in improv games for a few reasons. One, I love watching people doing exciting fun and funny things so sometimes I’d get so wrapped up witnessing I’d forget to participate and two, I would get stuck thinking of somewhere to take the scene. I’d have no ideas. Like a writer with writers block I’d become paralyzed from not being able to act because I didn’t know what to do. The trap I continually fell into was being selfish as an actor. I wanted to come in with something clever. I wanted to not look dumb. I wanted to add something of value and significance and sometimes just feel like I could add anything at all. I would get so stuck in my head trying to figure something out the moment to jump in would pass me by. Jumping forward a bunch more years when I was taking an improv class at Improv U, right around the time I found out I was pregnant, things hit home. We were doing a game in a circle, can’t remember which one it was, it might’ve been someone had to jump in the circle and sing a song or tell a story and then someone else needed to tag them out. When we were done the instructor, who was just the most jubilant person ever, reminded us of the goal of the game. It wasn’t about doing the act it was about saving your partner. You might not have anything to jump in with but if your fellow actor is drowning on stage it’s your job to save them. Just trust something will happen once you jump in or someone will jump in and save you.
That’s what parenting is.
So lovelies, I’ll ask you again…
What is improv?
What the hell does “yes, and” mean?
How can it benefit our parenting journey?
Improv is accepting your situation and responding to it without preparation. It is the way in which we engage with the world – spontaneously. Even the most cautious, methodical, slow to anger, verbally responsible people in the world improvises every day of their lives. Our lives, as routine as they can become, are not without change or breath for new possibilities. Each moment we’re offered something new, whether it be a question thrown at us, or a shoe thrown at us from an impulsive child, we have entered a new improvised scene in which we must choose how to respond.
Our children are great improv teachers because they are always ready to say yes, and. All we need to do is provide them the environment to exercise this skill. I love Viola Spolin’s quote about not teaching anybody anything because it’s true. We as parents spend so much time thinking about all the things we have to teach our kids to help raise them to be the type of person we want them to be. Then we stress about the way others will teach them when they go off to school. I think many parents, due to the COVID pandemic, have felt immensely overwhelmed by the job of having to homeschool and teach their kids. We’re not math teachers or science teachers, well obviously some people are but that’s besides the point right now. We have our own jobs to work to keep food on the table for our kids and don’t have time or space to run a classroom out of the kitchen. We forget that all kids need is a stimulating environment to play, either independently or with others, and lots of reading and conversations for them to learning anything and everything they need to in this life. The responsibility of their growth and education is ours, not a school systems, and we don’t need a degree to teach them. Parents and children have been raising each other since the moment they came together in this world. As long as we are willing to play with them, read to them, have them read to us and engage in meaningful and silly conversations, they’ll learn and they’ll be fine. As one mama who’s too hard on herself to others, cut yourself some slack. Play with your kids and let them play by themselves and with others and we’ll all be better than okay – we might just be fuckin’ great!
A Short Story Before We Go
This chair is your island. It’s safe and where you call home. But, your community is in need of food and the only place to get it is that island, which is that chair. To reach the island you must cross the River of Poisonous Death. The only way to get across the river safely is to use this sheet of paper. All of you must find a way to get across the river using this one sheet of paper. And if any part of you touches the river, you must die a glorious death. Any questions?
Can we rip up the paper?
If you must.
Do we all have to get across at the same time?
That’s up to you.
How instantly does the poison kick in?
Immediately.
Has anyone else successfully done this?
Not answering that.
How the hell were we gonna do this? There were 12 of us in this clowning class, all meeting for the first time. We ran the gamut from experienced actors to novices, our genders, age, and body type were all over the spectrum.
I think we should tear the paper into small pieces so everyone gets a piece.
We’ll each need two pieces, one for each foot.
That’s too much, there’s not enough for all of us.
What about if we each carry someone across?
We all sized each other up and seriously considered it, but in the end, we didn’t think it would work. Back and forth we went with ideas and hesitant experiments. This went on for so long, we made no forward movement. Not wanting to die kept us paralyzed. Not wanting members of our team to die kept us paralyzed. We would all for sure starve to death on this island.
Ok, guys. I see you trying to work this out but I’m gonna jump in here for a minute. How come no one has made it across the river?
We all got very quiet. Then a few people started defending our decision. I stood there asking myself the question, too. Because in the back of my mind and times at the front, all I wanted to do was jump across the island and die a glorious death because I needed to do something. The deliberation and indecision and inaction was making me antsy and curious. I wanted to play. And at that moment we heard,
No one was willing to play. No one tried and failed and died a glorious death. You guys didn’t play the game. There’s no poisonous river here, though your commitment to that detail made it real. It made it so real for you it stopped you from moving forward. You were taking the game way too seriously.
The whole group broke into embarrassed laughter. I felt both validated for my initial impulse and then like a fool because I didn’t follow it. Was it loyalty to the group for not acting on my intuition? Was it fear going out on the path no one else was taking? Fear of going it alone?
Theater games and improvised play teaches us a lot about who we are. They’re not just for fun entertainment, they are designed for our personal growth and connection to one another. Maybe if I’d gone out on the limb and did the ultimate sacrifice (in our safe play environment) I could have encouraged my group to get out of their heads and play; maybe we even might’ve even discovered a way to get some people across the river to the island. There have been many times throughout my life where my sense of curiosity and joy of play were what I needed to trust and I didn’t. Learning to trust my gut has been the biggest part of my journey through personal growth. What’s yours?
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room? Soon that attitude may be your doom.”
Assuming you alone can carry an improv scene, or your ideas are best so you work to control the direction of the scene, will be the doom of that improv. Holding on to the false idea or, heaven forbid the belief, that you know best stops us from playing, learning, healing, connecting and growing. As parents, believing we’re the smartest in the room and that it’s our job to teach our kids, these little things that know nothing, is pretentious and dangerous to our relationship with them, and to how they develop in the world. When they’re young, their instinct, emotions, intuition, sense of wonder, and natural born curiosity is how they learn. Those aren’t held with value in the adult world. Part of our children’s job is to knock us down from our high horse and get us back to connecting to the world the way we were designed to.
Let’s raise a glass to not being the smartest in the room and for having our children to remind us of that. Our kids are here to humble us, humiliate us, and teach us to lighten up and play – it’s only life! Let’s live a little.
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me again for another episode. As always, I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next weeks episode is all about collaboration and the theatre trifecta – directing, playwrighting, and acting. We’ll look at how as a parent we must wear all these hats – problem is our kids wear them too…or at least try to.
If you are on Instagram so am I. You can find me @mfaparentingedition and give me a follow.
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Again, thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.