Episode title: Developmental Milestone Shmilestone
Episode summary:
How do you honor your body? If we could model appreciation and honor for our body, to our children, what would that look like? If we could ease our stress concerning our children's ability to hit physical and developmental milestones, how much pressure would we take off ourselves and our children?
Today we'll dive into honor and appreciation for our body, the Alexander Technique, and the ridiculous pressure we put on ourselves and our kids for them to hit developmental milestones prescribed by other people. Imagine the relationship you can develop with another human being when you can accept them for who they are without having to change them. We’ll kick off our show with The Raise a Glass Series, get on to our questions to explore, and end with A Short Story Before We Go. MFA is the sometimes-musical, dramedy, in 3 acts, 1 intermission, the length of a sitcom designed to give mama’s (and any caregiver) a break in the day to breathe and reset along with a much needed audio hug.
Quote: "It will all work out. Now it may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does, but believe me, it will all work out exactly as it's supposed to. Our job is to have zero expectations and just let go." Ted Lasso in Ted Lasso.
Act I: The Raise a Glass Series
Act II: Main Questions
Intermission: Angelica Interlude
Tricky Trickster of Potty Jokes & Insults
Act III: A Short Story Before We Go
Autumn in New York with Alexander…Alexander Technique, that is
Episode transcript: available at https://www.mfaparentingedition.com/042
Sources that helped inspire this episode:
Connect with Me:
Best way - [email protected]
IG - @mfaparentingedition
Support the Show: buy me a drink to say “hey, keep up the good work”, just go to www.buymeacoffee.com/mfaparenting
__________________________________
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA the parenting edition. I'm Taisha Cameron lover of Ted Lasso and all things Roy Kent. He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where. I'm also, and more relevant to the show, a mom to a feisty, fiery, fierce, flailing, finicky little kid, and a trained actor. These lessons from the theater for raising ourselves and our kids came about after the life altering revelation I made, that my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. We'll explore some challenging questions, I'll share some stories, and we'll kick things off with the Raise a Glass series. From the method to mommy meltdowns and all the moments in between, welcome to MFA.
Quote: “It will all work out. Now, it may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does, but believe me, it will all work out. Exactly as it’s supposed to. Our job is to have zero expectations and just let go.” Ted Lasso in Ted Lasso
Episode 42 –Developmental Milestone Shmilestone
Hello. Hello, lovely. And welcome back to MFA the Parenting Edition. Last episode, we talked about our voice and I mentioned that when I was teaching theater in after-school programs to kids, what I would introduce is the actor's toolbox. And there were four main tools in there, your voice, body imagination, and listening, not necessarily in that order, but it doesn't matter. So, we've already talked about one of those tools, now we will look at the second tool, our body. But before we get into that, let's kick things off with the Raise a Glass series. You don't need to have an actual glass in hand, but if you do I say, holla, let's do this.
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“I’m not falling behind or running late, I’m not standing still I am lying in wait”
Our body’s energy is constantly stirring. Lying in wait is still active. We are processing, considering, calculating, deliberating, and preparing. Each one of us hits milestones and sought after goals when, yes, we put in the work, and when it’s the right time for us. We are unique beings whose brain and body are capable of amazing things when they are ready. Just because we do something at a different time from someone else does not mean we are running behind or running late in life. If our children develop at a different pace or off the typical trail they are not falling behind or running late, either. They are where their brain and body have developed and it’s right on time for them. Putting pressure on ourselves, our kids, or others to move and develop at a speed we have been forced to believe is the correct rhythm or momentum is only going to cause agitation and feelings of shame and inadequacy in ourselves and those we are looking to change. If we can honor and appreciate the ways we develop and are intrinsically activated to achieve our goals, we will witness the beauty of humanity, our unique individuality.
Let’s raise a glass to celebrating our individuality. We’re not falling behind or running late, we’re right where we need to be.
Question – How do you honor your body? How can we use our bodies more efficiently, safely, and creatively? If we could model appreciation and honor for our body, to our children, what would that look like? If we could ease our stress concerning our children's ability to hit physical and developmental milestones, how much pressure would we take off ourselves and our children? What would removing that pressure mean for our relationship? What can we gain by daily movement with our family?
Appreciation, a feeling of being grateful for something, the ability to understand the worth quality or importance of something. Honor, to regard or treat with admiration and respect.
How do you honor your body? Seriously. Think about it for a minute. How do you honor your body? How we honor our bodies will impact how our children admire and respect their own.
In grad school, we studied the Alexander technique and it's a system of mindful connection to the body and how we move it through space. Two words to sum up Alexander technique, lengthen and widen. So, the class that we took was to give us tools to learn how to use our bodies best within the crafting of the physical characteristics of our characters, along with helping us to move with freedom in our bodies every day. Whether you were playing someone with a hunchback, a limp, a dog, a mermaid, or a demon from the underworld. Your body needs to have the flex. The flexa the flexibility to transform.
And this transformation happens within the limitations and constraints of your own body. You're training supports you in creating shapes and making decisions in how you sculpt the physical form in healthy ways that can be repeated eight shows a week for the run of the show. Makeup, costumes and props will help any physical changes that you're making for your character also, but you are the canvas. You are the artist, you are your instrument. You are the fully formed human being using your abilities and limitations to bring to life another fully formed human life.
People come in all shapes, sizes, colors, physical abilities, and limitations. And the goal of an artist and storyteller is to bring everyone's stories to life. One thing that can help an artist, but not all artists have or know how to achieve regardless of their training, is appreciation and honor for the body, frame, and abilities you're blessed with. This is the canvas you have to create with. And since we're all unique in those characteristics, there is work out there for all of us. I'll have to one day bring on a guest who can speak to wellness, or the lack thereof, in the arts by creative people. But for today, we're just going to look at how best we can honor our bodies and find appreciation starting today.
In a world in which we all held appreciation for an honored our bodies we'd...
Hello, new day. Oh, good morning body. How are you feeling today? Oh, that's wonderful. I'm glad my heart is beating and I can breathe independently, too. Shall we go for a walk or even do something more rigorous to get our blood pumping through our veins and our heart beating faster to strengthen up for today? Oh, you do have the most beautiful ideas in that magnificent brain of yours. Let's do it. And can I just say, as we pass this mirror on the way to the closet, that you are gorgeous, just the way you are. I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to change a thing about you dear body. Because you, as you are, are marvelous.
What an act of rebellion to say, fuck you to the beauty industry. To the systems that say we should aspire to look youthful, always. To the patriarchy, who based on the standards of beauty, they feel are fashionable to their penis at the time dictate the standard of beauty we feel obligated to praise and seek to turn ourselves into.
What an act of revolution to say, I will not be distracted from my path towards income equality. I will not be marginalized because of my gender by your close-minded blinders of beauty. I will not be shamed into endless stares into the mirror looking for things to change because others have chosen to lack imagination on what real beauty is and can be. I will not be oppressed mentally and emotionally for the way I was born. I choose to say, fuck you to the systems, the people who contribute to the systems that are designed to make me feel the way I am is not a desirable way to look in this world, and who beg me through any means available to persuade me, to change my body, to meet their vision of perfection.
I do not wish to be adored temporarily for good looks and to be cast aside when those looks fade or change. I say, fuck you to all that nonsense. What incredible power we'd really have in our body and soul if all humans, especially women, could say that and mean it. What an act of rebellion and revolution to the human race. I know I will never, ever, ever see all humanity rally like that in my lifetime, but man, a girl can dream, can't she? Because taking that pressure off ourselves would help us take pressure of perfection off our children and allow them to develop without stress and fear.
And we’ll talk more about that after this.
Angelica Interlude
Taisha: Here we are today. Are you ready and willing to record for this podcast?
Angelica: Yeah.
Taisha: Are you excited about this?
Angelica: Yeah.
Taisha: Are you sure?
Angelica: Yeah. Welcome to mommy's podcast! Welcome everybody.
Taisha: You are so warm and inviting. What would you like to talk about today? You always pick really good topics for us to discuss together.
Angelica: Open the lid.
Taisha: Open the lid? Okay.
Angelica: Stick your finger in.
Taisha: All right.
Angelica: Roll it around. Now take it out. Now close the lid. Thank you for cleaning my toilet.
Taisha: Eww, that's disgusting Angelica. That's gross.
Angelica: Yay!
Taisha: Eww.
Angelica: Mommy?
Taisha: What?
Angelica: What's this?
Taisha: That's your nose.
Angelica: What am I holding?
Taisha: Nothing.
Angelica: Mom knows nothing.
Taisha: You. Oh my goodness. That is so. That's not very kind. I know some things in the world. Jeez, Louise and a bucket of cheese.
Angelica: I'm sorry for saying it out loud.
Taisha: You're sorry for saying it out loud? And for staying it into the microphone so everybody could hear it that's going to listen to this podcast episode?
Angelica: Yeah.
Taisha: Yeah.
It is absolutely ridiculous how much emphasis we put on children reaching developmental milestones. And I'm saying this as a mother who's gone through the early intervention system and done all the therapies. Angelica was doing physical therapy from about one week old until she aged out of the program at three years old. Weekly for three years, we worked with her to help meet these goals we're supposed to hit at certain times.
Angelica didn't take her first steps until she was 19 months old and she didn't walk independently until about, I don't know, 22 probably close to 23 months. So yeah, just before her second birthday. Our neurosurgeon always reminded us kids will do things when they are ready and all they would do, in a situation like with Angelica or any child who was diagnosed with something, is send you off to the specialist and the therapists so that they could help with early intervention for the child, but mostly to give parents the tools to know how to engage with their child in ways that can be stimulating, to encourage this developmental milestone that they want them to achieve. Our physical therapists and speech therapists would remind me all the time they could not make a child walk or talk before they were ready.
You may be thinking, well, then what's the point. Or maybe that's an excuse and that therapist is just not working hard enough. I guarantee you, they are working plenty hard. The problem is the unrealistic expectations we put on children and the magic we think therapists and doctors and specialists are supposed to do to fix our child.
Nothing is wrong with our children. They are not broken. What's broken and messed up are the expectations we put on our children from the womb to be a specific type of child who responds the way we prefer, who learns and develops in a way that is ideal for us. And by ideal, I mean, causing us the least amount of mental, emotional, and physical strain.
I mean, imagine what our days would look like if we trusted, and yes I said trusted in regard to our children. If we trusted that our children would develop just the way they were supposed to. You, as a parent, learn different tools to be of aid, if necessary, and if they don't work, you leave the situation alone because your child is already an incredibly instinctive, full human being.
And I get that since all children's physical, developmental abilities are different there are parents who have to work with professionals and specialists because their child is not capable of typical development. I hear you and I am here for you. We were very blessed in Angelica's development. Not every child with her diagnosis goes through typical development like she has. And our family also knows the struggles of working with therapists regularly to provide the best care and intervention available. So we can give our specific child the best fighting chance in life to live as fully as her abilities will allow.
That's hard shit. My deepest respect goes to all the parents who either from their child's birth, or whenever a situation arose, step up to give of themselves for the best interest of their child. There are too many parents out there with their kids going through typical development, caught up in how fast their kids are doing things and not appreciating and honoring the little things they do on their own time.
It's all about, did my child do this before this other person? Oh, is my kid not doing that yet? Something must be wrong. Clearly. I'm either not doing enough as a parent or I should go get them checked out for developmental delays. That's probably not it. It's probably more to do with the kid's personality and they will get there on their own.
You know, the parents who appreciate and honor all the milestones their child makes? The ones who didn't think they were going to make them in the first place. The one who has relaxed their expectations to just be in awe of the way their child is developing and their child's achievements. All victories are blessed and honored whenever they happen.
They’re content bearing witness to the growth and progress of another human being without judgment, impatience, or unrealistic expectations. What a relaxed home environment to live in. How peaceful the energy between child and caregiver would be? Imagine the relationship you can develop with another human being when you can accept them for who they are without having to change them.
Don't we go through the same process when we choose a partner? We find the moment when we choose that person, because we see them for who they are, all the things we see as magical and perfect about them and all this shit that fucking pisses us off and drives us mad, but we say, I will not work to change you, but walk this path with you just the way you are and we will work to continually find peace, joy, and happiness. Can't we find the same grace with our children? After all, many of our children may have been born out of the love and grace of acceptance for our partner. Right? So why do we keep pushing our children to change in the timeframe we want all in the name of being “a good parent”?
So, I’ll ask you lovelies again,
How do you honor your body? How can we use our bodies more efficiently, safely, and creatively? If we could model appreciation and honor for our body, to our children, what would that look like? If we could ease our stress concerning our child's ability to hit physical and developmental milestones, how much pressure would we take off ourselves and our children? What would removing that pressure mean for our relationship? What can we gain by daily movement with our family?
Honor and appreciation of our body and its abilities can be celebrated in so many ways. Finding ways of connecting to our body in whatever big or small ways our body is capable of will bring a surge of a liveliness into our spirit. Get on your feet, have a dance party. Do yoga, create characters with a weird body shapes and faces. Go for a walk, run through the grass, throw the couch pillows on the floor and have a pillow jumping party. Last week, we talked about our voice. One of the best ways to feel in our body is to let sound out on movement. Oh man, this is so much fun. In the studio we would make, and by in the studio, I mean, in any acting class I've ever done with her it's improv, clowning, voice, movement, whatever, we would make sounds and chuck them out into the space with a gesture or some physical movement. All to release tension, open our instrument, which is the artist's whole being, and feel free. That freedom in our body creates space in our head to see and feel with renewed energy. Creativity lives in that energy, trusting your gut lives in that energy.
Do you know how kids learn this? Do you know how kids trust themselves? By us modeling it back and accepting what they show us. Model being free so your children can see how their impulses to scream and wiggle and express their renewed energy is part of being human and not something they need to damp down but get out so they can continue to connect to their soul.
Move together. If all those games and activities that I've mentioned, like two minutes ago, are too much for you then just go for a stroll down the block and the fresh air with your kids. Sit down and blow bubbles for them to run and jump in. Be the DJ and play freeze dance for them to dance around. And if you are at all physically able, model how to honor your body by moving it mindfully every day. It doesn't need to be designated workout time. Our kids watch how we brush our hair, get dressed, try on clothes, the language we use when we talk about our body, how we move doing everyday tasks at home, they see the activities we're involved in, they watch us how we stand when we're cooking, how we put on laundry, they see everything. How we use our body, how we honor our physical shell through praise and care are registered by our kids. That becomes how they will treat their own body. They'll copy how we talk to ourselves. They will repeat the ways we do things. They take it all in, store it, and internalize it for how to move through the world. Help them learn to appreciate and honor their body by appreciating and honoring yours.
A Short Story Before We Go
No strings attached. It felt like there were, though. My right knee pulled forward and I stepped down. My left knee copied. Pull forward, step, next side, repeat. Pull forward, step, next side, repeat. These invisible strings propelled my body down 14th Street. Whether I’d catch a bus or jump on the 6, I wasn’t sure yet. Autumn in New York brought lively energy to the city. Cars rumbled across town with open windows shouting hip-hop, morning talk shows, and the latest pop songs. Native residents and acclimated relocators fiercely strode across the pavement pausing only to make sure not to get plowed down by a taxi, bus, or biker. A cool breeze negated the warmth the sun was working to spread. Somehow, they balanced each other making it the best time to go for a walk. And walking I did.
My imaginary marionette strings weren’t only attached to my knees. Lengthening up from the crown of my head was the third suspension. Space in my joints. Freedom with my movement. I felt like I was flying across the street. As a native New Yorker, I know I walk with the ferocity of an irritated lion but I felt lighter both in my body and spirit. There was space in my thoughts and vertebrae. I wasn’t muscling my way across the long cement streets, I was gliding and the only reminder my body wasn’t actually hovering an inch above the ground was the feel of my feet connecting to the pavement. And then I had the thought, “what if I could shoot rays of light out of my body and bathe the space around me in glowing golden sunbursts? Hmm! What if I could radiate like the sun?” That probably sounds a bit coocoo. Maybe even a lot coocoo. I was determined though to send the light from my soul out in a new magnificent way to not only feel my power but to share it with anyone who came within its boundaries. My walk had changed from a form of getting from one place to another, to an exercise in mindfulness and imagination. Honoring my body in this way made me appreciate how my acting training was profoundly impacting my everyday life. They are not separate. And these days, while I am not acting on a stage or film, I still lengthen, widen, and imagine my marionette strings guiding me through life. Space in my body and mind are only a pull on an imaginary string away.
That's all for today, guys and dolls. Woo, another episode down. The next episode will come out on New Year's Eve. So, I have what I thought I was going to do on that day, but I might do something different. I don't know, but just expect something on that day.
If you enjoyed this episode and want to show your support, please spread a beautiful act of kindness by heading over to MFA, Buy Me a Coffee page, “I'm a buy you drink, ooo-eee-oo and I'mma take you home with me,” but no, I ain't going to take you home with me. But if you do want to buy me a drink to say, salud, keep up the good work, that would be great. And I'd really appreciate it and honor you for doing that kindness. But if you don't want to buy me a drink, that's totally fine. You can just share the show with at least one other person so that they can listen on their favorite listening app of choice. I think that's another kind option so, you know, pick your poison. Mine is Pinot noir.
One last thing before we go, here's my audio hug to you so you can breathe, reset, and kick some ass today. But don't literally kick anyone's ass, we've talked about this and that is called assault. Here's my special hug for you to paint your spirit a brighter hue, so catch this hug and hold it tight, go walk in grace and shine your light.
Thanks again, and I'll see you on the other side.
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.
Episode summary:
How do you honor your body? If we could model appreciation and honor for our body, to our children, what would that look like? If we could ease our stress concerning our children's ability to hit physical and developmental milestones, how much pressure would we take off ourselves and our children?
Today we'll dive into honor and appreciation for our body, the Alexander Technique, and the ridiculous pressure we put on ourselves and our kids for them to hit developmental milestones prescribed by other people. Imagine the relationship you can develop with another human being when you can accept them for who they are without having to change them. We’ll kick off our show with The Raise a Glass Series, get on to our questions to explore, and end with A Short Story Before We Go. MFA is the sometimes-musical, dramedy, in 3 acts, 1 intermission, the length of a sitcom designed to give mama’s (and any caregiver) a break in the day to breathe and reset along with a much needed audio hug.
Quote: "It will all work out. Now it may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does, but believe me, it will all work out exactly as it's supposed to. Our job is to have zero expectations and just let go." Ted Lasso in Ted Lasso.
Act I: The Raise a Glass Series
- The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
Act II: Main Questions
- How do you honor your body?
- How can we use our bodies more efficiently, safely, and creatively?
- If we could model appreciation and honor for our body, to our children, what would that look like?
- If we could ease our stress concerning our children's ability to hit physical and developmental milestones, how much pressure would we take off ourselves and our children?
- What would removing that pressure mean for our relationship?
- What can we gain by daily movement with our family?
Intermission: Angelica Interlude
Tricky Trickster of Potty Jokes & Insults
Act III: A Short Story Before We Go
Autumn in New York with Alexander…Alexander Technique, that is
Episode transcript: available at https://www.mfaparentingedition.com/042
Sources that helped inspire this episode:
Connect with Me:
Best way - [email protected]
IG - @mfaparentingedition
Support the Show: buy me a drink to say “hey, keep up the good work”, just go to www.buymeacoffee.com/mfaparenting
__________________________________
FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA the parenting edition. I'm Taisha Cameron lover of Ted Lasso and all things Roy Kent. He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where. I'm also, and more relevant to the show, a mom to a feisty, fiery, fierce, flailing, finicky little kid, and a trained actor. These lessons from the theater for raising ourselves and our kids came about after the life altering revelation I made, that my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. We'll explore some challenging questions, I'll share some stories, and we'll kick things off with the Raise a Glass series. From the method to mommy meltdowns and all the moments in between, welcome to MFA.
Quote: “It will all work out. Now, it may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does, but believe me, it will all work out. Exactly as it’s supposed to. Our job is to have zero expectations and just let go.” Ted Lasso in Ted Lasso
Episode 42 –Developmental Milestone Shmilestone
Hello. Hello, lovely. And welcome back to MFA the Parenting Edition. Last episode, we talked about our voice and I mentioned that when I was teaching theater in after-school programs to kids, what I would introduce is the actor's toolbox. And there were four main tools in there, your voice, body imagination, and listening, not necessarily in that order, but it doesn't matter. So, we've already talked about one of those tools, now we will look at the second tool, our body. But before we get into that, let's kick things off with the Raise a Glass series. You don't need to have an actual glass in hand, but if you do I say, holla, let's do this.
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“I’m not falling behind or running late, I’m not standing still I am lying in wait”
Our body’s energy is constantly stirring. Lying in wait is still active. We are processing, considering, calculating, deliberating, and preparing. Each one of us hits milestones and sought after goals when, yes, we put in the work, and when it’s the right time for us. We are unique beings whose brain and body are capable of amazing things when they are ready. Just because we do something at a different time from someone else does not mean we are running behind or running late in life. If our children develop at a different pace or off the typical trail they are not falling behind or running late, either. They are where their brain and body have developed and it’s right on time for them. Putting pressure on ourselves, our kids, or others to move and develop at a speed we have been forced to believe is the correct rhythm or momentum is only going to cause agitation and feelings of shame and inadequacy in ourselves and those we are looking to change. If we can honor and appreciate the ways we develop and are intrinsically activated to achieve our goals, we will witness the beauty of humanity, our unique individuality.
Let’s raise a glass to celebrating our individuality. We’re not falling behind or running late, we’re right where we need to be.
Question – How do you honor your body? How can we use our bodies more efficiently, safely, and creatively? If we could model appreciation and honor for our body, to our children, what would that look like? If we could ease our stress concerning our children's ability to hit physical and developmental milestones, how much pressure would we take off ourselves and our children? What would removing that pressure mean for our relationship? What can we gain by daily movement with our family?
Appreciation, a feeling of being grateful for something, the ability to understand the worth quality or importance of something. Honor, to regard or treat with admiration and respect.
How do you honor your body? Seriously. Think about it for a minute. How do you honor your body? How we honor our bodies will impact how our children admire and respect their own.
In grad school, we studied the Alexander technique and it's a system of mindful connection to the body and how we move it through space. Two words to sum up Alexander technique, lengthen and widen. So, the class that we took was to give us tools to learn how to use our bodies best within the crafting of the physical characteristics of our characters, along with helping us to move with freedom in our bodies every day. Whether you were playing someone with a hunchback, a limp, a dog, a mermaid, or a demon from the underworld. Your body needs to have the flex. The flexa the flexibility to transform.
And this transformation happens within the limitations and constraints of your own body. You're training supports you in creating shapes and making decisions in how you sculpt the physical form in healthy ways that can be repeated eight shows a week for the run of the show. Makeup, costumes and props will help any physical changes that you're making for your character also, but you are the canvas. You are the artist, you are your instrument. You are the fully formed human being using your abilities and limitations to bring to life another fully formed human life.
People come in all shapes, sizes, colors, physical abilities, and limitations. And the goal of an artist and storyteller is to bring everyone's stories to life. One thing that can help an artist, but not all artists have or know how to achieve regardless of their training, is appreciation and honor for the body, frame, and abilities you're blessed with. This is the canvas you have to create with. And since we're all unique in those characteristics, there is work out there for all of us. I'll have to one day bring on a guest who can speak to wellness, or the lack thereof, in the arts by creative people. But for today, we're just going to look at how best we can honor our bodies and find appreciation starting today.
In a world in which we all held appreciation for an honored our bodies we'd...
Hello, new day. Oh, good morning body. How are you feeling today? Oh, that's wonderful. I'm glad my heart is beating and I can breathe independently, too. Shall we go for a walk or even do something more rigorous to get our blood pumping through our veins and our heart beating faster to strengthen up for today? Oh, you do have the most beautiful ideas in that magnificent brain of yours. Let's do it. And can I just say, as we pass this mirror on the way to the closet, that you are gorgeous, just the way you are. I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to change a thing about you dear body. Because you, as you are, are marvelous.
What an act of rebellion to say, fuck you to the beauty industry. To the systems that say we should aspire to look youthful, always. To the patriarchy, who based on the standards of beauty, they feel are fashionable to their penis at the time dictate the standard of beauty we feel obligated to praise and seek to turn ourselves into.
What an act of revolution to say, I will not be distracted from my path towards income equality. I will not be marginalized because of my gender by your close-minded blinders of beauty. I will not be shamed into endless stares into the mirror looking for things to change because others have chosen to lack imagination on what real beauty is and can be. I will not be oppressed mentally and emotionally for the way I was born. I choose to say, fuck you to the systems, the people who contribute to the systems that are designed to make me feel the way I am is not a desirable way to look in this world, and who beg me through any means available to persuade me, to change my body, to meet their vision of perfection.
I do not wish to be adored temporarily for good looks and to be cast aside when those looks fade or change. I say, fuck you to all that nonsense. What incredible power we'd really have in our body and soul if all humans, especially women, could say that and mean it. What an act of rebellion and revolution to the human race. I know I will never, ever, ever see all humanity rally like that in my lifetime, but man, a girl can dream, can't she? Because taking that pressure off ourselves would help us take pressure of perfection off our children and allow them to develop without stress and fear.
And we’ll talk more about that after this.
Angelica Interlude
Taisha: Here we are today. Are you ready and willing to record for this podcast?
Angelica: Yeah.
Taisha: Are you excited about this?
Angelica: Yeah.
Taisha: Are you sure?
Angelica: Yeah. Welcome to mommy's podcast! Welcome everybody.
Taisha: You are so warm and inviting. What would you like to talk about today? You always pick really good topics for us to discuss together.
Angelica: Open the lid.
Taisha: Open the lid? Okay.
Angelica: Stick your finger in.
Taisha: All right.
Angelica: Roll it around. Now take it out. Now close the lid. Thank you for cleaning my toilet.
Taisha: Eww, that's disgusting Angelica. That's gross.
Angelica: Yay!
Taisha: Eww.
Angelica: Mommy?
Taisha: What?
Angelica: What's this?
Taisha: That's your nose.
Angelica: What am I holding?
Taisha: Nothing.
Angelica: Mom knows nothing.
Taisha: You. Oh my goodness. That is so. That's not very kind. I know some things in the world. Jeez, Louise and a bucket of cheese.
Angelica: I'm sorry for saying it out loud.
Taisha: You're sorry for saying it out loud? And for staying it into the microphone so everybody could hear it that's going to listen to this podcast episode?
Angelica: Yeah.
Taisha: Yeah.
It is absolutely ridiculous how much emphasis we put on children reaching developmental milestones. And I'm saying this as a mother who's gone through the early intervention system and done all the therapies. Angelica was doing physical therapy from about one week old until she aged out of the program at three years old. Weekly for three years, we worked with her to help meet these goals we're supposed to hit at certain times.
Angelica didn't take her first steps until she was 19 months old and she didn't walk independently until about, I don't know, 22 probably close to 23 months. So yeah, just before her second birthday. Our neurosurgeon always reminded us kids will do things when they are ready and all they would do, in a situation like with Angelica or any child who was diagnosed with something, is send you off to the specialist and the therapists so that they could help with early intervention for the child, but mostly to give parents the tools to know how to engage with their child in ways that can be stimulating, to encourage this developmental milestone that they want them to achieve. Our physical therapists and speech therapists would remind me all the time they could not make a child walk or talk before they were ready.
You may be thinking, well, then what's the point. Or maybe that's an excuse and that therapist is just not working hard enough. I guarantee you, they are working plenty hard. The problem is the unrealistic expectations we put on children and the magic we think therapists and doctors and specialists are supposed to do to fix our child.
Nothing is wrong with our children. They are not broken. What's broken and messed up are the expectations we put on our children from the womb to be a specific type of child who responds the way we prefer, who learns and develops in a way that is ideal for us. And by ideal, I mean, causing us the least amount of mental, emotional, and physical strain.
I mean, imagine what our days would look like if we trusted, and yes I said trusted in regard to our children. If we trusted that our children would develop just the way they were supposed to. You, as a parent, learn different tools to be of aid, if necessary, and if they don't work, you leave the situation alone because your child is already an incredibly instinctive, full human being.
And I get that since all children's physical, developmental abilities are different there are parents who have to work with professionals and specialists because their child is not capable of typical development. I hear you and I am here for you. We were very blessed in Angelica's development. Not every child with her diagnosis goes through typical development like she has. And our family also knows the struggles of working with therapists regularly to provide the best care and intervention available. So we can give our specific child the best fighting chance in life to live as fully as her abilities will allow.
That's hard shit. My deepest respect goes to all the parents who either from their child's birth, or whenever a situation arose, step up to give of themselves for the best interest of their child. There are too many parents out there with their kids going through typical development, caught up in how fast their kids are doing things and not appreciating and honoring the little things they do on their own time.
It's all about, did my child do this before this other person? Oh, is my kid not doing that yet? Something must be wrong. Clearly. I'm either not doing enough as a parent or I should go get them checked out for developmental delays. That's probably not it. It's probably more to do with the kid's personality and they will get there on their own.
You know, the parents who appreciate and honor all the milestones their child makes? The ones who didn't think they were going to make them in the first place. The one who has relaxed their expectations to just be in awe of the way their child is developing and their child's achievements. All victories are blessed and honored whenever they happen.
They’re content bearing witness to the growth and progress of another human being without judgment, impatience, or unrealistic expectations. What a relaxed home environment to live in. How peaceful the energy between child and caregiver would be? Imagine the relationship you can develop with another human being when you can accept them for who they are without having to change them.
Don't we go through the same process when we choose a partner? We find the moment when we choose that person, because we see them for who they are, all the things we see as magical and perfect about them and all this shit that fucking pisses us off and drives us mad, but we say, I will not work to change you, but walk this path with you just the way you are and we will work to continually find peace, joy, and happiness. Can't we find the same grace with our children? After all, many of our children may have been born out of the love and grace of acceptance for our partner. Right? So why do we keep pushing our children to change in the timeframe we want all in the name of being “a good parent”?
So, I’ll ask you lovelies again,
How do you honor your body? How can we use our bodies more efficiently, safely, and creatively? If we could model appreciation and honor for our body, to our children, what would that look like? If we could ease our stress concerning our child's ability to hit physical and developmental milestones, how much pressure would we take off ourselves and our children? What would removing that pressure mean for our relationship? What can we gain by daily movement with our family?
Honor and appreciation of our body and its abilities can be celebrated in so many ways. Finding ways of connecting to our body in whatever big or small ways our body is capable of will bring a surge of a liveliness into our spirit. Get on your feet, have a dance party. Do yoga, create characters with a weird body shapes and faces. Go for a walk, run through the grass, throw the couch pillows on the floor and have a pillow jumping party. Last week, we talked about our voice. One of the best ways to feel in our body is to let sound out on movement. Oh man, this is so much fun. In the studio we would make, and by in the studio, I mean, in any acting class I've ever done with her it's improv, clowning, voice, movement, whatever, we would make sounds and chuck them out into the space with a gesture or some physical movement. All to release tension, open our instrument, which is the artist's whole being, and feel free. That freedom in our body creates space in our head to see and feel with renewed energy. Creativity lives in that energy, trusting your gut lives in that energy.
Do you know how kids learn this? Do you know how kids trust themselves? By us modeling it back and accepting what they show us. Model being free so your children can see how their impulses to scream and wiggle and express their renewed energy is part of being human and not something they need to damp down but get out so they can continue to connect to their soul.
Move together. If all those games and activities that I've mentioned, like two minutes ago, are too much for you then just go for a stroll down the block and the fresh air with your kids. Sit down and blow bubbles for them to run and jump in. Be the DJ and play freeze dance for them to dance around. And if you are at all physically able, model how to honor your body by moving it mindfully every day. It doesn't need to be designated workout time. Our kids watch how we brush our hair, get dressed, try on clothes, the language we use when we talk about our body, how we move doing everyday tasks at home, they see the activities we're involved in, they watch us how we stand when we're cooking, how we put on laundry, they see everything. How we use our body, how we honor our physical shell through praise and care are registered by our kids. That becomes how they will treat their own body. They'll copy how we talk to ourselves. They will repeat the ways we do things. They take it all in, store it, and internalize it for how to move through the world. Help them learn to appreciate and honor their body by appreciating and honoring yours.
A Short Story Before We Go
No strings attached. It felt like there were, though. My right knee pulled forward and I stepped down. My left knee copied. Pull forward, step, next side, repeat. Pull forward, step, next side, repeat. These invisible strings propelled my body down 14th Street. Whether I’d catch a bus or jump on the 6, I wasn’t sure yet. Autumn in New York brought lively energy to the city. Cars rumbled across town with open windows shouting hip-hop, morning talk shows, and the latest pop songs. Native residents and acclimated relocators fiercely strode across the pavement pausing only to make sure not to get plowed down by a taxi, bus, or biker. A cool breeze negated the warmth the sun was working to spread. Somehow, they balanced each other making it the best time to go for a walk. And walking I did.
My imaginary marionette strings weren’t only attached to my knees. Lengthening up from the crown of my head was the third suspension. Space in my joints. Freedom with my movement. I felt like I was flying across the street. As a native New Yorker, I know I walk with the ferocity of an irritated lion but I felt lighter both in my body and spirit. There was space in my thoughts and vertebrae. I wasn’t muscling my way across the long cement streets, I was gliding and the only reminder my body wasn’t actually hovering an inch above the ground was the feel of my feet connecting to the pavement. And then I had the thought, “what if I could shoot rays of light out of my body and bathe the space around me in glowing golden sunbursts? Hmm! What if I could radiate like the sun?” That probably sounds a bit coocoo. Maybe even a lot coocoo. I was determined though to send the light from my soul out in a new magnificent way to not only feel my power but to share it with anyone who came within its boundaries. My walk had changed from a form of getting from one place to another, to an exercise in mindfulness and imagination. Honoring my body in this way made me appreciate how my acting training was profoundly impacting my everyday life. They are not separate. And these days, while I am not acting on a stage or film, I still lengthen, widen, and imagine my marionette strings guiding me through life. Space in my body and mind are only a pull on an imaginary string away.
That's all for today, guys and dolls. Woo, another episode down. The next episode will come out on New Year's Eve. So, I have what I thought I was going to do on that day, but I might do something different. I don't know, but just expect something on that day.
If you enjoyed this episode and want to show your support, please spread a beautiful act of kindness by heading over to MFA, Buy Me a Coffee page, “I'm a buy you drink, ooo-eee-oo and I'mma take you home with me,” but no, I ain't going to take you home with me. But if you do want to buy me a drink to say, salud, keep up the good work, that would be great. And I'd really appreciate it and honor you for doing that kindness. But if you don't want to buy me a drink, that's totally fine. You can just share the show with at least one other person so that they can listen on their favorite listening app of choice. I think that's another kind option so, you know, pick your poison. Mine is Pinot noir.
One last thing before we go, here's my audio hug to you so you can breathe, reset, and kick some ass today. But don't literally kick anyone's ass, we've talked about this and that is called assault. Here's my special hug for you to paint your spirit a brighter hue, so catch this hug and hold it tight, go walk in grace and shine your light.
Thanks again, and I'll see you on the other side.
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.