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MFA: THE PARENTING EDITION EPISODE 6 SHOW NOTES
Episode title: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Episode summary: Can we look at ourselves in the mirror without judgement? Not glance but take in our form and all its details for an extended period of time without criticizing, nitpicking, judging or comparing. If we can’t, why not? What is the message our actions and our words are teaching our children about body image and self-acceptance? Do we catch all the ways our children mirror back to us who we are and the lessons we’re teaching them?
From these questions we’re gonna be looking at the mirror from two angles. The first is examining how we see ourselves, our physical appearance and abilities. The second, is understanding how our kids reflect what they see and hear from us.
Previously on MFA
Episode transcript: See full transcript below.
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness:
Sources that inspired this episode or random tidbits of knowledge:
-------------
Full Transcript
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode is part two in our 7-part series on the Method. We’re taking the focus of concentration beyond studying an object to studying ourselves. We’ll explore some challenging questions, I’ll share some stories, and then we’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Previously on MFA: The Parenting Edition
We learned that Strasberg’s Method evolved from Stanislavky’s method. The exercises focus on relaxation, concentration, sense memory and affective memory to bring reality and depth to the stage. We introduced the first exercise, the morning drink and experimented with it. We learned that a method acting studio sounds a lot like a psych ward. We questioned how we create an environment of relaxation and concentration for ourselves and our children. We reflected on our life choices: continue on autopilot or choose to experience life one simple act at a time.
Now you’re all caught up…of course if all of that meant nothing to you, you should probably go back and listen to episode five.
Quote: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” The Evil Queen in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
Episode Six – Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Question – Can we look at ourselves in the mirror without judgement? Not glance but take in our form and all its details for an extended period of time without criticizing, nitpicking, judging or comparing. If we can’t, why not? What is the message our actions and our words are teaching our children about body image and self-acceptance? Do we catch all the ways our children mirror back to us who we are and the lessons we’re teaching them?
From these questions we’re gonna be looking at the mirror from two angles. The first is examining how we see ourselves, our physical appearance and abilities. The second, is understanding how our kids reflect what they see and hear from us.
Looking In the Mirror
There’s an acting exercise called The Mirror or Mirrors. Two actors face each other, one is selected as the first leader, the other follows. They look into each other’s eyes and the leader starts slowly moving. Without breaking eye contact the follower must exactly mirror the movements the leader initiated. So, if the leader slowly raises their right arm in the air like they’re asking a question then the follower must raise their left arm in the air in the same way. After a while the roles switch. Once both actors have had the opportunity to lead, they must follow each other’s movements without designating a leader. If they’re really connected and dialed into their partner no one will be able to tell who is actually initiating the next move.
This sense of copying or heightened observation is how our kids learn from us. We’ll come back to this idea later but let’s look now at the mirror exercise in the Method training.
For the mirror exercise Strasberg suggests a few tasks: combing our hair, putting on makeup, or shaving. Now, just like with the cup, we’d practice while doing and then recreate without the objects in hand. Now here’s the thing – quarantine. How many of us are wearing fucking makeup these days? Or shaving?! Some of us might be saying, “Girl, I do every single day! What’s wrong with you? Fix your face. Just cause you at home don’t mean you need t run ‘round looking like a troll under the bridge!” Others might be saying, “Omg, right, like I don’t even remember the last time I put on makeup! Who shaves anymore? That’s so 2019.” So, if you’re in a place where you aren’t doing any of these rituals anymore (or they’ve never been part of your routine) you can practice these alternatives. The first one he suggests is taking off your shoes or working with 3 different fabrics and exploring their textures. The goal, again, is to practice recreating sensations; it’s not about doing the tasks completely or getting it “right.”
If none of these work for you, one step Strasberg would practice, if he felt the actor needed it, was to just look in the mirror. In his book he writes, “We find that some people have no sense of themselves. Some are not able to see themselves in the mirror…”. And it made me wonder, why is that?
What do we see when we look in the mirror? Well, we’re a form, a shape, a bundle of regenerating and deteriorating cells. A form with lots of different shapes protruding from its core. It’s fucking bizarre right? We started as cells that expanded and morphed and evolved and grew to create a human figure. This figure sprouted cylinders we call arms and legs. This figure sprouted some sort of triangle pyramid in the center of our face we call a nose. These are just shapes. They don’t mean anything negative or positive. They simply exist to help us experience this world in the best way the human form can. Not everyone is born with all the standard human features, some of us will lose one or more along life’s journey, and some of us feel like we were born with the wrong ones but having this form is part of our experience in this life as humans. We could come back in another life as a lion and that’s an entirely different form.
I am not a therapist. I cannot sit here and list all of the psychological reasons due to trauma, neglect, abuse, disorders and syndromes that affect a person’s ability to accept and appreciate their body and their whole self. Each of us have had life experiences that make it more or less difficult to be at home in our own skin. What would it take for us to objectively observe our form in the mirror without judgement?
An actor's job is to shape shift, in a way, for the role of the character they’re going to play. As artists we're aware that our body is a canvas. We change our clothes, whatever we can in our physical appearance, our movements, our mannerisms and gestures to fully embrace the life of a particular character and bring reality to their world, to their story. That is our job as storytellers. The mirror becomes our tool to let us know how our transformation is progressing. It helps us objectively learn how to do our work. In that way the mirror becomes our friend.
As a parent, the other side of the mirror (going beyond the physical form), is that our children mirror back to us what we’re teaching them. They reflect our energy, our words, our movements and gestures, and how to respond to life’s challenges. What they see us do, they will do. What they hear us say, they will say. When we look at our kids and feel frustrated and ready to stick them in an Uber and send them to their grandparents…indefinitely, it might be because they are actively reflecting back our energy and we only see a little demon child in front of us. But that’s not who they are. I think most child-development experts out there would say kids learn from our modeling. So, if something is shown or presented to them, or done to them they will do it back. What’s the work we need to do on ourselves so we become the image we desire our children to reflect back?
*Angelica Interlude
Mom: Ok, whoa! Why is everything being thrown on the floor?
Angelica: Because I’m getting everything out…to find something to wear for Halloween.
Mom: That makes sense, but what I want to know is why you’re throwing it? Why can’t you take it out and put it down on the floor gently?
Angelica: Ohhh.
Mom: Yeah, why do you have to throw it?
Angelica: Ah.
Mom: If you take everything out you’re just gonna have to put everything back, that’s fine, but why are we throwing it?
Angelica: Because I finding something to wear for Halloween.
Mom: Ok. Let’s take out the rest of the stuff…gently. Put it down on the floor without throwing it.
Angelica: I have this to wear for Halloween.
Mom: Yes, you can wear that for Halloween.
Angelica: Yay, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.
This Weeks Exercise:
Yes, you can practice putting on makeup and shaving the same way you practiced the cup. Now, remember to relax by breathing into any areas of the body holding tension. While you’re looking in the mirror doing the actually task of applying makeup or shaving, pay attention to how your holding the objects you’re using. Observe the look (the color, the shape). Notice how the objects feels in your hand and the sensations you feel as it connects to your skin. Are there any sounds or smells with the objects you’re using? Now after you’re done with your makeup or shaving then try to recreate the sensations you experienced without the object in hand. Haha, sense memory. Remember to breathe and work on releasing any tension that might’ve creeped in before moving on to practice without the objects. If you find you can recreate a sensation or two that’s wonderful, continue to practice now or put it to the side and try it again another day. And if you don’t feel a damn thing, that’s fine too.
Let’s go back to the mirror as an actor’s tool. Can we look in the mirror and see ourselves objectively without judgement or negative self-talk.
Here’s another exercise that might be more beneficial for all of us:
Ya’ll need to have a Mulan moment and look at your reflection. “Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me.” Look at your reflection…for a while…like a lot longer than normal. Don’t do anything but look back at yourself and breathe. You don’t have to do any of that method breathing with sound that we talked about, but if you start feeling tense, please work through ways of using your breath to relax. And by all means if you need to let out some sound, [ahhhh this fucking sucks I hate this], let out some sound – I give you permission.
How long can you take in your image without doing anything, no fidgeting, no negative talk, no positive talk, no extras, no distractions? Notice every line, mark, scar, blemish, varicose vein, crooked feature; take in everything. Can you just see yourself? If this is hard for you, you may notice emotions start creeping up or weird sensations run across parts of your body; that’s okay, just allow it and silently acknowledge what’s happening. This may be enough. And if it is stop, breathe, find a place of calm and when you’re ready [breathe] go about your day. If you were able to do this without melting down (and I’ve melted down plenty of times doing this, so I know) you’re probably ready to try the makeup or shaving part of the exercise if you’re interested.
Now, we’ve just been taking in our own face, primarily. What happens if we get bolder and do that same thing while wearing nothing at all? That’s right, take it all off. Can you take in your entire body image without judging it? Again, no fidgeting, no negative self-talk, no positive self-talk, no extras or distractions. Can you find quiet and stillness to just observe form and shapes? Your body, your form is a miracle. Miracles exist. You exist so you are proof that miracles exist. Love the miracle. Love yourself. You can start that love party right now, I’m not watching. And you can keep that love party going all night long, “all night, all night long, all night yeah all night long.”
So lovelies, I’ll ask you again
Can you embrace the image staring back at you without judgement?
Do we show our kids by our own self-confidence how to be happy in their own skin?
Are we aware of how our children reflect who we are back at us?
Looking at ourselves and being comfortable, confident, and nonjudgmental are very difficult things to do. Every time we put ourselves down for our appearance we teach ourselves and our kids (cause they hear and see everything) that our appearance is where we find approval. Every time we have a conversation with friends and talk about how we look and how others look, we teach our children to judge based on appearance. Every time we tell our kids how beautiful they are, we teach them they should be praised on their appearance. Don’t get me wrong, compliments are wonderful, and we should teach our children to accept them graciously. We should give them freely, if its genuine, and accept them thankfully when we receive them. Our kids are going to pick up what we model. The way we teach them to be grateful, compassionate, empathetic, kind human beings is to be that ourselves. The way we teach them to be amazed by what their bodies can do is to be amazed by the wonder of our own body. If we’re at peace with the image staring back at us in the mirror (on all fronts that means emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually) our kids will learn to find that same peace within themselves.
A Short Story Before We Go
When I was 10 I loved my body; then I played a game with my friends and realized I wasn’t supposed to.
Five of us, sat in a circle after school in Jen’s bedroom. The game was a series of questions, basically Truth or Dare without the Dare. Each of us took turns asking random personal questions of the others in the group. I hated these games. They made me uncomfortable and I never knew what to ask. I grew up in a home that lived by the philosophy “don’t air your dirty laundry.” But like any kid, I was curious about how others thought and wanted to feel like part of the group so I was going to share. There is only one question I remember being asked on that spring afternoon, “if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?” I drew a blank. I had no idea. I was pretty happy with myself and no major character flaws were coming to mind. There were certain things in my life I wanted to change like my parents being so strict, not being allowed to go to a New Kids on the Block concert, wanting a later bedtime – I mean come on now, I was 10, practically a grown up. All in all, even with all the things in my life that would cause me to meltdown and contemplate running away with the circus, I really was happy with myself and my life.
Our party host was the one who threw that question out to the group and her response was, “I’d change my stomach. I hate my stomach. If I could get rid of this,” and she grabbed her belly and shook it. Now let me paint the picture of the five of us. We weren’t by any means the tight knit Babysitters Club, but we had all become friends over the last few years from first to fifth grade. We were five active and slender young girls who were a force to be reckoned with on field day. We were fast, competitive and usually took first place ribbons in any race. Sitting in a kumbaya circle complaining about nonexistent devastating physical attributes was not something one would’ve thought we’d be doing.
And really, I didn’t know picking our physical selves apart was gonna be part of this. So, the question had been posed and every girl took the bait and named one physical feature they hated about themselves. I didn’t want to seem as conceited or full of myself, so I scrambled to choose some part of my body I didn’t like. When it got to me I said, “my stomach.” This seemed to appease the group. Looking back I probably should’ve said I wish I didn’t have to wear glasses. I mean, I actually kind of liked my glasses which I had just gotten that year when I realized I couldn’t see the blackboard clearly in class. I didn’t need them all the time but boy what a game changer they were.
Shortly after we finished our game it was time to go. I don’t remember going home and having some sort of video montage moment where I became obsessed with dissecting my body from different angles to see what I’d change, thank God. But a seed had been planted that convinced me my body is something to scrutinize and long to change.
These days I want to feel strong and full of energy. When you have a toddler that’s what you need. I workout because it makes me feel powerful, I try to eat well because it makes me feel good, I take care of my skin and body because when I glow I smile brighter. Doing these things helps me look at all the flaws and imperfections I see in myself with more grace and compassion. I want my life to be about more than molding myself to another person’s standard of beauty that was never constructed to include me just the way I am.
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable I am an original.”
Unique. Distinctive. Rare. Uncommon. Odd. Unusual. We’re all inimitable. We’re all a miracle. Our thoughts are the one thing in life we can control. We might not be able to control all the thoughts that jump into our head, but we can control the ones that take root and form the foundation of how we see ourselves. When we do this we claim our authenticity. Our children can then grow up in this world of radical self-acceptance and embrace their unique being with pride. That all starts by changing the one thing in life we can control – our thoughts.
Let’s raise a glass to being inimitable and embracing our originality.
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode. As always, I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next week we’ll take our third exploration into Lee Strasberg’s Method, with the sunshine exercise. Doesn’t that just sound lovely. For more nerdy theatre links feel free to check out the link on the MFA website, which is in the show notes below.
Also, if you are on Instagram so am I so find me @mfaparentingedition and give me a follow.
If you enjoyed this episode and want to show your support please spread a beautiful act of kindness by rating it if your listening on Apple podcasts and leaving a kind review if you feel so inclined, and telling at least one person about the show and that they can find it wherever they listen to their podcasts. And always, thank you to those who have rated the show and left a beautiful review – I appreciate you.
Again, thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.
Episode title: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Episode summary: Can we look at ourselves in the mirror without judgement? Not glance but take in our form and all its details for an extended period of time without criticizing, nitpicking, judging or comparing. If we can’t, why not? What is the message our actions and our words are teaching our children about body image and self-acceptance? Do we catch all the ways our children mirror back to us who we are and the lessons we’re teaching them?
From these questions we’re gonna be looking at the mirror from two angles. The first is examining how we see ourselves, our physical appearance and abilities. The second, is understanding how our kids reflect what they see and hear from us.
Previously on MFA
- Recap of episode 5 (listen here if you missed it)
- Mirror game (super short video to give you an idea what to do)
- The mirror as an actor’s tool
- Our children mirror what we do and say
- Method exercise – looking in the mirror
- I’m trying to find something to wear for Halloween
- Looking in the Mirror exercise
- Observe yourself without judgement in the mirror
- When I was 10 I loved my body, then I played a game with my friends and realized I wasn’t supposed to.
- The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
- Today’s lyrics – “I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable, I am an original” ~ Aaron Burr
Episode transcript: See full transcript below.
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness:
- Rate the podcast (and leave a kind review if you feel so inclined)
- Tell one person you know you enjoyed this podcast and they should check it out
Sources that inspired this episode or random tidbits of knowledge:
- Anna Deveare Smith on How she gets into character
- Lucille Ball and Harpo Marx the Mirror Routine
- Backstage article: The Definitive Guide to Method Acting
- www.backstage.com/magazine/article/the-definitive-guide-to-method-acting-65816/
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Full Transcript
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode is part two in our 7-part series on the Method. We’re taking the focus of concentration beyond studying an object to studying ourselves. We’ll explore some challenging questions, I’ll share some stories, and then we’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Previously on MFA: The Parenting Edition
We learned that Strasberg’s Method evolved from Stanislavky’s method. The exercises focus on relaxation, concentration, sense memory and affective memory to bring reality and depth to the stage. We introduced the first exercise, the morning drink and experimented with it. We learned that a method acting studio sounds a lot like a psych ward. We questioned how we create an environment of relaxation and concentration for ourselves and our children. We reflected on our life choices: continue on autopilot or choose to experience life one simple act at a time.
Now you’re all caught up…of course if all of that meant nothing to you, you should probably go back and listen to episode five.
Quote: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” The Evil Queen in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
Episode Six – Mirror, Mirror On The Wall
Question – Can we look at ourselves in the mirror without judgement? Not glance but take in our form and all its details for an extended period of time without criticizing, nitpicking, judging or comparing. If we can’t, why not? What is the message our actions and our words are teaching our children about body image and self-acceptance? Do we catch all the ways our children mirror back to us who we are and the lessons we’re teaching them?
From these questions we’re gonna be looking at the mirror from two angles. The first is examining how we see ourselves, our physical appearance and abilities. The second, is understanding how our kids reflect what they see and hear from us.
Looking In the Mirror
There’s an acting exercise called The Mirror or Mirrors. Two actors face each other, one is selected as the first leader, the other follows. They look into each other’s eyes and the leader starts slowly moving. Without breaking eye contact the follower must exactly mirror the movements the leader initiated. So, if the leader slowly raises their right arm in the air like they’re asking a question then the follower must raise their left arm in the air in the same way. After a while the roles switch. Once both actors have had the opportunity to lead, they must follow each other’s movements without designating a leader. If they’re really connected and dialed into their partner no one will be able to tell who is actually initiating the next move.
This sense of copying or heightened observation is how our kids learn from us. We’ll come back to this idea later but let’s look now at the mirror exercise in the Method training.
For the mirror exercise Strasberg suggests a few tasks: combing our hair, putting on makeup, or shaving. Now, just like with the cup, we’d practice while doing and then recreate without the objects in hand. Now here’s the thing – quarantine. How many of us are wearing fucking makeup these days? Or shaving?! Some of us might be saying, “Girl, I do every single day! What’s wrong with you? Fix your face. Just cause you at home don’t mean you need t run ‘round looking like a troll under the bridge!” Others might be saying, “Omg, right, like I don’t even remember the last time I put on makeup! Who shaves anymore? That’s so 2019.” So, if you’re in a place where you aren’t doing any of these rituals anymore (or they’ve never been part of your routine) you can practice these alternatives. The first one he suggests is taking off your shoes or working with 3 different fabrics and exploring their textures. The goal, again, is to practice recreating sensations; it’s not about doing the tasks completely or getting it “right.”
If none of these work for you, one step Strasberg would practice, if he felt the actor needed it, was to just look in the mirror. In his book he writes, “We find that some people have no sense of themselves. Some are not able to see themselves in the mirror…”. And it made me wonder, why is that?
What do we see when we look in the mirror? Well, we’re a form, a shape, a bundle of regenerating and deteriorating cells. A form with lots of different shapes protruding from its core. It’s fucking bizarre right? We started as cells that expanded and morphed and evolved and grew to create a human figure. This figure sprouted cylinders we call arms and legs. This figure sprouted some sort of triangle pyramid in the center of our face we call a nose. These are just shapes. They don’t mean anything negative or positive. They simply exist to help us experience this world in the best way the human form can. Not everyone is born with all the standard human features, some of us will lose one or more along life’s journey, and some of us feel like we were born with the wrong ones but having this form is part of our experience in this life as humans. We could come back in another life as a lion and that’s an entirely different form.
I am not a therapist. I cannot sit here and list all of the psychological reasons due to trauma, neglect, abuse, disorders and syndromes that affect a person’s ability to accept and appreciate their body and their whole self. Each of us have had life experiences that make it more or less difficult to be at home in our own skin. What would it take for us to objectively observe our form in the mirror without judgement?
An actor's job is to shape shift, in a way, for the role of the character they’re going to play. As artists we're aware that our body is a canvas. We change our clothes, whatever we can in our physical appearance, our movements, our mannerisms and gestures to fully embrace the life of a particular character and bring reality to their world, to their story. That is our job as storytellers. The mirror becomes our tool to let us know how our transformation is progressing. It helps us objectively learn how to do our work. In that way the mirror becomes our friend.
As a parent, the other side of the mirror (going beyond the physical form), is that our children mirror back to us what we’re teaching them. They reflect our energy, our words, our movements and gestures, and how to respond to life’s challenges. What they see us do, they will do. What they hear us say, they will say. When we look at our kids and feel frustrated and ready to stick them in an Uber and send them to their grandparents…indefinitely, it might be because they are actively reflecting back our energy and we only see a little demon child in front of us. But that’s not who they are. I think most child-development experts out there would say kids learn from our modeling. So, if something is shown or presented to them, or done to them they will do it back. What’s the work we need to do on ourselves so we become the image we desire our children to reflect back?
*Angelica Interlude
Mom: Ok, whoa! Why is everything being thrown on the floor?
Angelica: Because I’m getting everything out…to find something to wear for Halloween.
Mom: That makes sense, but what I want to know is why you’re throwing it? Why can’t you take it out and put it down on the floor gently?
Angelica: Ohhh.
Mom: Yeah, why do you have to throw it?
Angelica: Ah.
Mom: If you take everything out you’re just gonna have to put everything back, that’s fine, but why are we throwing it?
Angelica: Because I finding something to wear for Halloween.
Mom: Ok. Let’s take out the rest of the stuff…gently. Put it down on the floor without throwing it.
Angelica: I have this to wear for Halloween.
Mom: Yes, you can wear that for Halloween.
Angelica: Yay, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.
This Weeks Exercise:
Yes, you can practice putting on makeup and shaving the same way you practiced the cup. Now, remember to relax by breathing into any areas of the body holding tension. While you’re looking in the mirror doing the actually task of applying makeup or shaving, pay attention to how your holding the objects you’re using. Observe the look (the color, the shape). Notice how the objects feels in your hand and the sensations you feel as it connects to your skin. Are there any sounds or smells with the objects you’re using? Now after you’re done with your makeup or shaving then try to recreate the sensations you experienced without the object in hand. Haha, sense memory. Remember to breathe and work on releasing any tension that might’ve creeped in before moving on to practice without the objects. If you find you can recreate a sensation or two that’s wonderful, continue to practice now or put it to the side and try it again another day. And if you don’t feel a damn thing, that’s fine too.
Let’s go back to the mirror as an actor’s tool. Can we look in the mirror and see ourselves objectively without judgement or negative self-talk.
Here’s another exercise that might be more beneficial for all of us:
Ya’ll need to have a Mulan moment and look at your reflection. “Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me.” Look at your reflection…for a while…like a lot longer than normal. Don’t do anything but look back at yourself and breathe. You don’t have to do any of that method breathing with sound that we talked about, but if you start feeling tense, please work through ways of using your breath to relax. And by all means if you need to let out some sound, [ahhhh this fucking sucks I hate this], let out some sound – I give you permission.
How long can you take in your image without doing anything, no fidgeting, no negative talk, no positive talk, no extras, no distractions? Notice every line, mark, scar, blemish, varicose vein, crooked feature; take in everything. Can you just see yourself? If this is hard for you, you may notice emotions start creeping up or weird sensations run across parts of your body; that’s okay, just allow it and silently acknowledge what’s happening. This may be enough. And if it is stop, breathe, find a place of calm and when you’re ready [breathe] go about your day. If you were able to do this without melting down (and I’ve melted down plenty of times doing this, so I know) you’re probably ready to try the makeup or shaving part of the exercise if you’re interested.
Now, we’ve just been taking in our own face, primarily. What happens if we get bolder and do that same thing while wearing nothing at all? That’s right, take it all off. Can you take in your entire body image without judging it? Again, no fidgeting, no negative self-talk, no positive self-talk, no extras or distractions. Can you find quiet and stillness to just observe form and shapes? Your body, your form is a miracle. Miracles exist. You exist so you are proof that miracles exist. Love the miracle. Love yourself. You can start that love party right now, I’m not watching. And you can keep that love party going all night long, “all night, all night long, all night yeah all night long.”
So lovelies, I’ll ask you again
Can you embrace the image staring back at you without judgement?
Do we show our kids by our own self-confidence how to be happy in their own skin?
Are we aware of how our children reflect who we are back at us?
Looking at ourselves and being comfortable, confident, and nonjudgmental are very difficult things to do. Every time we put ourselves down for our appearance we teach ourselves and our kids (cause they hear and see everything) that our appearance is where we find approval. Every time we have a conversation with friends and talk about how we look and how others look, we teach our children to judge based on appearance. Every time we tell our kids how beautiful they are, we teach them they should be praised on their appearance. Don’t get me wrong, compliments are wonderful, and we should teach our children to accept them graciously. We should give them freely, if its genuine, and accept them thankfully when we receive them. Our kids are going to pick up what we model. The way we teach them to be grateful, compassionate, empathetic, kind human beings is to be that ourselves. The way we teach them to be amazed by what their bodies can do is to be amazed by the wonder of our own body. If we’re at peace with the image staring back at us in the mirror (on all fronts that means emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually) our kids will learn to find that same peace within themselves.
A Short Story Before We Go
When I was 10 I loved my body; then I played a game with my friends and realized I wasn’t supposed to.
Five of us, sat in a circle after school in Jen’s bedroom. The game was a series of questions, basically Truth or Dare without the Dare. Each of us took turns asking random personal questions of the others in the group. I hated these games. They made me uncomfortable and I never knew what to ask. I grew up in a home that lived by the philosophy “don’t air your dirty laundry.” But like any kid, I was curious about how others thought and wanted to feel like part of the group so I was going to share. There is only one question I remember being asked on that spring afternoon, “if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?” I drew a blank. I had no idea. I was pretty happy with myself and no major character flaws were coming to mind. There were certain things in my life I wanted to change like my parents being so strict, not being allowed to go to a New Kids on the Block concert, wanting a later bedtime – I mean come on now, I was 10, practically a grown up. All in all, even with all the things in my life that would cause me to meltdown and contemplate running away with the circus, I really was happy with myself and my life.
Our party host was the one who threw that question out to the group and her response was, “I’d change my stomach. I hate my stomach. If I could get rid of this,” and she grabbed her belly and shook it. Now let me paint the picture of the five of us. We weren’t by any means the tight knit Babysitters Club, but we had all become friends over the last few years from first to fifth grade. We were five active and slender young girls who were a force to be reckoned with on field day. We were fast, competitive and usually took first place ribbons in any race. Sitting in a kumbaya circle complaining about nonexistent devastating physical attributes was not something one would’ve thought we’d be doing.
And really, I didn’t know picking our physical selves apart was gonna be part of this. So, the question had been posed and every girl took the bait and named one physical feature they hated about themselves. I didn’t want to seem as conceited or full of myself, so I scrambled to choose some part of my body I didn’t like. When it got to me I said, “my stomach.” This seemed to appease the group. Looking back I probably should’ve said I wish I didn’t have to wear glasses. I mean, I actually kind of liked my glasses which I had just gotten that year when I realized I couldn’t see the blackboard clearly in class. I didn’t need them all the time but boy what a game changer they were.
Shortly after we finished our game it was time to go. I don’t remember going home and having some sort of video montage moment where I became obsessed with dissecting my body from different angles to see what I’d change, thank God. But a seed had been planted that convinced me my body is something to scrutinize and long to change.
These days I want to feel strong and full of energy. When you have a toddler that’s what you need. I workout because it makes me feel powerful, I try to eat well because it makes me feel good, I take care of my skin and body because when I glow I smile brighter. Doing these things helps me look at all the flaws and imperfections I see in myself with more grace and compassion. I want my life to be about more than molding myself to another person’s standard of beauty that was never constructed to include me just the way I am.
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable I am an original.”
Unique. Distinctive. Rare. Uncommon. Odd. Unusual. We’re all inimitable. We’re all a miracle. Our thoughts are the one thing in life we can control. We might not be able to control all the thoughts that jump into our head, but we can control the ones that take root and form the foundation of how we see ourselves. When we do this we claim our authenticity. Our children can then grow up in this world of radical self-acceptance and embrace their unique being with pride. That all starts by changing the one thing in life we can control – our thoughts.
Let’s raise a glass to being inimitable and embracing our originality.
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode. As always, I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next week we’ll take our third exploration into Lee Strasberg’s Method, with the sunshine exercise. Doesn’t that just sound lovely. For more nerdy theatre links feel free to check out the link on the MFA website, which is in the show notes below.
Also, if you are on Instagram so am I so find me @mfaparentingedition and give me a follow.
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Again, thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.