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MFA: THE PARENTING EDITION EPISODE 2 SHOW NOTES
Episode title: Analyze Your Life
Episode introduction: Do you know who you are? Like at your core? If you had to describe yourself and your life to a stranger what would you say? Have you ever considered how other people would describe you? In this episode we’ll explore ways we can expand our vision of who we are and remove judgement from the script we’re writing of our lives.
Analyze Your Life:
Angelica Interlude
This Week’s Exercise
A Short Story Before We Go:
The Raise a Glass Series:
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness :
Sources that helped inspire this episode:
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FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode is about getting to know you, getting to know all about you. We’ll ask some challenging questions, tell some stories and I have an exercise for you to try – yay homework! We’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Quote: “…for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Hamlet in Hamlet
Episode Two – Analyze Your Life (:05)
Question – do you know who you are? Like at your core? If you had to describe yourself and your life to a stranger what would you say? Have you ever considered how other people would describe you?
~I’m a mom to a beautiful daughter, I’m CEO of my own company, divorced from my deadbeat husband, I’m a stay at home mom but, I’m Black, Muslim, Latina, Asian American, child of God, a daydreamer, an artist, an adventurer, a student, a writer, first responder, cancer survivor, athlete, vegan, I’m the oldest of four, I’m a terrible person, she is the worst, he’s a moron, I’m depressed, life is wonderful, oh my god I fucking hate my life right now~
For today I’d love for you and I to explore ways we can expand our vision of who we are and remove judgement from the script we’re writing of our lives.
Script Analysis and Your Soul
An actor uses a huge array of tools to craft a role. One of those tools is how to analyze a script; most importantly, how to gather all the clues the playwright has gifted them in the text about their character. There are three main avenues of clue collecting, ooh I like that, clue collecting:
Masha: I am in mourning for my life. I am unhappy.
Theirs is the classic he’s in love with her, she’s in love with someone else, and that someone else is in love with someone else storyline. It’s overdramatic, it’s hilarious, it’s Chekhov but it’s how Masha is truly seeing her life. In Act III when she speaks with Trigorin about her decision to marry Medvedenko she says, “To love without hope…to spend whole years waiting for something…But when I marry, there’ll be no more of that, new cares will stifle the old. Anyhow, it will be a change,” she trades in one unhappiness for another; a life with a man she doesn’t love to cure her broken heart of the unrequited love for the man she does. While that’s unhappiness right there, that choice, that action, is also full of hope and courage. Actions and the choices characters make are what really help an actor find the full life of a character. That’s where our full life resides too, in our actions and choices.
What the hell does any of this have to do with parenting?
Glad you asked.
Analyzing our lives heightens our understanding of who we are, what we bring to the world, and how we see this life and others in it. This work makes us more conscious, mindful human beings which makes us more conscious, mindful parents. We can then start modeling to our kids the work we’re doing to show them self-reflection and compassion for self and others, are necessary skills for engaging with people and building a stronger humanity. I know that’s what I want for my daughter so I am challenging myself to show up and do this work.
Angelica Interlude
Angelica: I’m here to play. I wanna play.
Mom: I understand you wanna play but right now I need to finish putting this together.
Angelica: I can go on the rug and…
Mom: No.
Angelica: I can go on the rug and help you and I can play!
Mom: No! I asked you to help me before and you were not helping me you’re not gonna help me now let me finish this.
(she growls and starts laughing - maniacally)
Mom: (she chuckles) You drive me crazy kid.
Angelica: (she keeps laughing and whispers) Hi mom.
Mom: Yo, I see you inching stop!
Angelica: (she groans)
When I was in grad school we took a class called colab. And it was a class that would meet once a week where the directors, playwrights and actors would all get together and we would learn different techniques for creating new works. One of the assignments we had our first year first semester was to create a scene based on an overheard dialogue. So that was the inspiration for creating these little interludes with my daughter. I’ll set up my phone and either stick it in my pocket or put it on the kitchen table, hit record and see what happens. At the end of the day I look back and check, is there anything interesting we did today no great that was a waste and I deleted and if there is something I save it, hopefully those will end up in these episodes. And with that, now this.
This Week’s Exercise
This is a fun little exercise I’ve done in classes and business workshops for actors. Every time I’ve done it, it’s been executed slightly differently but this is the essence of the exercise.
On a sheet of paper, jot down all the adjectives that come to mind describing you. Then narrow it down to the top 5 you feel best capture your essence. Now make a list of actors or personalities or characters that you’re kind of similar too. The characters you choose can be from tv, theatre, film, books, comics, whatever. And like with the adjective list, narrow it down to your top 5.
Okay, so now that you have your list, time to do some investigating. Ask five people you respect if they’d be so kind as to aide you in a little exercise you’re doing and jot down some adjectives describing you and a few characters or actors you’re energy or personality is most similar to. Now they can text, email or write it down for you but cannot tell you directly or over video chat. It’s important to have some space to look at the list by yourself. If you do it in front of the person without this step and you become emotionally triggered, then this person is now in the awkward position of having to take care of your feelings, which is not their job.
Once you have these 5 lists in front of you, see if there are words that are the same or similar circle them – that was a lot of alliteration. These words are important, especially if any of them showed up on your original list. If you’re not familiar with the actors or characters people selected do some research and try to identify what it is about them that connects to you.
The whole purpose of the exercise is to gain a broader perspective of who we are. It’s a silly and fun casting exercise, essentially, but it can be profoundly eye opening. Have fun with it!
Okay, so after you’ve studied these lists and compared them to yours it’s time to take all these words and narrow them down to three adjectives and three characters or actors.
When I last did this exercise years ago my words were fiery, sweet and strong; my actors were Marisa Tomei, Jennifer Lopez aka JLo, and Michelle Rodriguez. So that gives you an idea of my “type” as an actor; it also highlights the parts of myself I tend to lead with when engaging with the world around me.
So, I’ll ask you lovelies again, who are you? How would you describe yourself to a stranger? How would others describe you? Try this week’s exercise and see if you get some surprising insight into your character.
And remember, our given circumstances, what we say about ourselves and others say about us can’t show our true character without looking at our actions and the choices we make.
A Short Story Before We Go
“You’re a first-class bitch!”
One minute his mouth was inches from my face and then he was gone. I wish I had imagined it but my body was off the charts trying to process every thought, emotion, and sensation emanating from my core, which is a sure as hell reminder this was no dream.
“Thank you,” I yelled to this New York asshole yuppy who could no longer hear me.
It was her, I knew it was her. Why the hell couldn’t she just sit with us? Is she too good for us? Had to go sit at the bar and talk with these guys she didn’t know about us? About me? What the hell did I do to her? This was the only explanation I could come up with as to why this random dude in a bar who I’ve had zero interaction with would throw this shit at me, as he’s leaving.
There were 7 of us squished into this horseshoe shaped table but I was the only one who heard him. Maybe cause I was sitting on the aisle. Could he have said this to anyone sitting in that seat or was this a personal attack? Why did I care? It’s not true and I don’t know him, it shouldn’t matter what he says. But it had to be because of her and that’s what pissed me off. She’s supposed to be our friend, our ally, have our back, defend us – but we’re not in the Marines, we’re in fucking drama school. And that’s what this night has all of a sudden become, drama.
“What did he say, Tai?”
I told the table and the two guys that were with us immediately stood up ready to tear out of this raucous bar scene into the cold streets of the west village and kick this guy’s ass.
“Sit down. While I appreciate you guys wanting to defend my honor it’s not worth it.”
“Do you know him? Why would he say that?” someone asked me.
“Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear,” I say.
“Empire Records! Yeeesss!” one of the girls screams and raises her glass to clink mine.
I glance over to the corner of the bar where she’s sitting and the table follows my gaze. One of the guys yells out to her, “Yo, what the fuck?” I tell him to stop and calm down, it’s not like she could hear him anyway, and if she did she didn’t acknowledge it. We were all gonna have to work together come Monday…and for the next two and a half years.
All weekend it weighed on me. I was livid. I cried, I beat the shit out of my poor pillow, I couldn’t focus on any schoolwork I needed to get done. I was a moody cloud of rage and sadness…I’m sure my roommates hated me.
Monday morning I didn’t want to go to class. She was in every single class with me and I was still freakin’ pissed from Friday night. I wanted to punch her, I wanted to confront her, I wanted to make her apologize – but for what? She technically didn’t do anything to me, not that I could prove, but I held her responsible for what this probably drunk entitled douchebag spat at me.
Friday was Colab and we had been creating new work in our groups. Our pieces were all inspired by the semester theme which was Dante’s Inferno, and I sure as shit was in one of the 9 circles of hell. We had been doing improvs and playing for a while to generate ideas and our play was going to be actor inspired which was really exciting. I just couldn’t understand why I was still so stuck in my encounter from the week before. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t be there. And in Colab class that day, I felt hope. Hope I could start shedding some of this shit, if I couldn’t let it go maybe I could repurpose it.
That weekend I wrote. I wrote like Alexander Hamilton, like I was running out of time.
Sam, was his name – my name. An ex-Baltimore city cop that left the force and city behind. Now living somewhere new, working as a super of an apartment building. Depressed, alcoholic, so much pain, and on and on it went with more details gushing out of me. I couldn’t believe the backstory I was creating for him – for me.
All semester we worked on our piece in class and rehearsed outside. It was draining to keep using that night at the bar in my work, but Sam was in a lot of pain that he was trying to forget, and so was I. It didn’t matter how different Sam and I were on the outside or in our life experience because we were the same at our core.
My anger at the girl from my class subsided a bit even though I was mining the same shit for my work on a weekly basis. It got me thinking about the things that people say about us and why we get so upset – why they hold so much power. How did he know I was a first-class bitch, I’d never spoken to him before? Did I actually believe I was a first-class bitch? I knew I could and can be bitchy but I never aspired to one of the highest order. Did I achieve this honor completely unbeknownst to me? Had I wronged him in a past life that only he remembers? Did I do something that night and didn’t realize it, was I too drunk to remember it? Why did his words haunt me? And why did I put so much blame on this girl without any knowledge of their conversation? Why did I make her the scapegoat?
I do think there can be truth in the things people say about us and to us because we don’t always have a clear picture of who we are. We like to think we do, and that we are very self-aware, and that picture is usually that we’re good people and there’s something wrong with everyone else. And then the other side of the coin is that a lot of the things people say about us is a projection of themselves and has nothing to do with us at all. Only when we sit and make it a practice to analyze our life and truly aim to live without judgement of ourselves and others can we begin to know who we are. That takes a lot of work. What I do know is by the time our Colab class was over that semester and we did our final performance, Sam had helped me find peace. Stepping into his shoes and using my pain to help tell his story is the reason why the arts exist – to help us connect to each other.
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“If we lay a strong enough foundation, we’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you, and you’ll blow us all away, Someday, Someday”
Being a parent tests our character to its core. Our kids will make us question every choice we make and put our ego on the ride of its life. They are amazing teachers who are here to raise us just as much as we’re here to raise them. Laying a strong foundation is doing the work on ourselves so our kids don’t carry our baggage. So if we’re going to give them the world, let’s give them one worth inheriting, where they can shine and truly blow us all away.
Let’s raise a glass to our children, who help us examine who we are and challenge how we see the world. Thank them for helping us become better humans.
Oh, and it is not lost on me that these first two episodes I’ve used Aaron Burr’s lines. It was not intentional but I caught it. So next week we’ll see where inspiration strikes, until then you’re just gonna have to “wait for it, wait for it, wait.”
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me again. In all the craziness that surrounds us in the world, I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next week we will look at the song & dance of parenting.
If you enjoyed this episode and want to show your support please spread a beautiful act of kindness by rating it if your listening on Apple podcasts and telling at least one person about the show and that they can find it wherever they listen to their podcasts.
Thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.
Episode title: Analyze Your Life
Episode introduction: Do you know who you are? Like at your core? If you had to describe yourself and your life to a stranger what would you say? Have you ever considered how other people would describe you? In this episode we’ll explore ways we can expand our vision of who we are and remove judgement from the script we’re writing of our lives.
Analyze Your Life:
- Script Analysis and your Soul
- Looking at how actors gather tools for a role can help us examine our lives:
- Given Circumstances (Hamlet)
- What Others Say About You (Julius Caesar)
- What You Say About Yourself (The Seagull)
- What does this have to do with parenting
- Looking at how actors gather tools for a role can help us examine our lives:
Angelica Interlude
This Week’s Exercise
- Casting exercise to discover your “type” and other insightful information
A Short Story Before We Go:
- Turning Bullshit & Pain into Art
The Raise a Glass Series:
- The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
- Today’s lyrics – “If we lay a strong enough foundation, we’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you, and you’ll blow us all away, Someday, Someday” ~ Aaron Burr
- I'll keep posting random Hamilton quotes, videos and things to get you to love it as much as I do - Tony Award performance
Spread a Beautiful Act of Kindness :
- Rate the podcast, if you’re listening on Apple Podcasts
- Tell one person you know you enjoyed this podcast and they should check it out
Sources that helped inspire this episode:
- These links are to podcasts or books that are important to me as a mom and have helped me on my journey of growth to create this podcast:
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FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Mom: Angelica, can you say hello?
Angelica: Hello! Hello?
Mom: How are you today?
Angelica: I doing well…how are you?
Mom: Well I’m doing well also. (she laughs)
Welcome to MFA: The Parenting Edition, I’m Taisha Cameron. These lessons from the theatre for raising ourselves and our kids came about when I realized my MFA in acting trained me for life as a mommy better than life as a full-time actor. Today’s episode is about getting to know you, getting to know all about you. We’ll ask some challenging questions, tell some stories and I have an exercise for you to try – yay homework! We’ll end our episode with the Raise a Glass Series. So, without further ado, this is MFA.
Quote: “…for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Hamlet in Hamlet
Episode Two – Analyze Your Life (:05)
Question – do you know who you are? Like at your core? If you had to describe yourself and your life to a stranger what would you say? Have you ever considered how other people would describe you?
~I’m a mom to a beautiful daughter, I’m CEO of my own company, divorced from my deadbeat husband, I’m a stay at home mom but, I’m Black, Muslim, Latina, Asian American, child of God, a daydreamer, an artist, an adventurer, a student, a writer, first responder, cancer survivor, athlete, vegan, I’m the oldest of four, I’m a terrible person, she is the worst, he’s a moron, I’m depressed, life is wonderful, oh my god I fucking hate my life right now~
For today I’d love for you and I to explore ways we can expand our vision of who we are and remove judgement from the script we’re writing of our lives.
Script Analysis and Your Soul
An actor uses a huge array of tools to craft a role. One of those tools is how to analyze a script; most importantly, how to gather all the clues the playwright has gifted them in the text about their character. There are three main avenues of clue collecting, ooh I like that, clue collecting:
- Given Circumstances
- These are the facts of the play, I know that's a contentious word these days but facts exist and in a story they’re the who, what, when, and where. So, for example with Hamlet just looking at the title, the full title, gives us so much information. The Tragedy of Hamlet Prince of Denmark. Now, Shakespeare comedies end in marriage and tragedies end in death, so, spoiler alert, before we read a single line of text we know he’s gonna die by the end. We also know that he is a prince, his parents must be king and queen which makes him royalty. And, he is the prince of Denmark so now we have a location for the story. Now, our lives are full of given circumstances – our birthdate, where we live, the job we work, the fact you’re listening to this podcast right now. All the given circumstances of our life help tell the story of who we are but it doesn’t paint a complete picture. That’s why, like actors, we have to gather more information. Which leads us to,
- What others say about you
- So as an actor reading a script, you can’t always believe what others say about your character but if it’s said enough, therein might lie some truth. For example, in Julius Caesar when Marc Antony gives his “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears! I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him,” speech he mentions, at least, four times that Brutus is an honorable man. Now Antony builds his rhetoric on Brutus’ honor to flip it on its head – prove the opposite. This entire speech only works if Brutus had in fact been an honorable man prior to killing Caesar. Antony reminds the people that Caesar thought of him as “his Angel” which only drives the wedge deeper into the people's revolt against Brutus and the other conspirators. However, with a character like Othello’s Iago, whom everyone refers to as ‘honest Iago,’ that son of a bitch is anything but honest which goes to prove why you can’t always believe what others say about your character. All of this holds true for us too. Yes, we want to get mad at someone who throws comments at us which we perceive as negative but depending on who the person is and what they say it might hold some truth and vice versa. So, this takes us to,
- What you say about yourself
- Characters, like people, are not always reliable sources of objective reasoning. Does that mean characters lie? Yes, of course, they do! Hello, Iago! And I mean, we do. We lie all the time. We lie to ourselves all the time. So, when an actor tackles a role they take the characters words at face value unless and until they prove otherwise. So let’s leave Shakespeare alone for a while and go to Chekhov, these are the opening lines from The Seagull,
Masha: I am in mourning for my life. I am unhappy.
Theirs is the classic he’s in love with her, she’s in love with someone else, and that someone else is in love with someone else storyline. It’s overdramatic, it’s hilarious, it’s Chekhov but it’s how Masha is truly seeing her life. In Act III when she speaks with Trigorin about her decision to marry Medvedenko she says, “To love without hope…to spend whole years waiting for something…But when I marry, there’ll be no more of that, new cares will stifle the old. Anyhow, it will be a change,” she trades in one unhappiness for another; a life with a man she doesn’t love to cure her broken heart of the unrequited love for the man she does. While that’s unhappiness right there, that choice, that action, is also full of hope and courage. Actions and the choices characters make are what really help an actor find the full life of a character. That’s where our full life resides too, in our actions and choices.
What the hell does any of this have to do with parenting?
Glad you asked.
Analyzing our lives heightens our understanding of who we are, what we bring to the world, and how we see this life and others in it. This work makes us more conscious, mindful human beings which makes us more conscious, mindful parents. We can then start modeling to our kids the work we’re doing to show them self-reflection and compassion for self and others, are necessary skills for engaging with people and building a stronger humanity. I know that’s what I want for my daughter so I am challenging myself to show up and do this work.
Angelica Interlude
Angelica: I’m here to play. I wanna play.
Mom: I understand you wanna play but right now I need to finish putting this together.
Angelica: I can go on the rug and…
Mom: No.
Angelica: I can go on the rug and help you and I can play!
Mom: No! I asked you to help me before and you were not helping me you’re not gonna help me now let me finish this.
(she growls and starts laughing - maniacally)
Mom: (she chuckles) You drive me crazy kid.
Angelica: (she keeps laughing and whispers) Hi mom.
Mom: Yo, I see you inching stop!
Angelica: (she groans)
When I was in grad school we took a class called colab. And it was a class that would meet once a week where the directors, playwrights and actors would all get together and we would learn different techniques for creating new works. One of the assignments we had our first year first semester was to create a scene based on an overheard dialogue. So that was the inspiration for creating these little interludes with my daughter. I’ll set up my phone and either stick it in my pocket or put it on the kitchen table, hit record and see what happens. At the end of the day I look back and check, is there anything interesting we did today no great that was a waste and I deleted and if there is something I save it, hopefully those will end up in these episodes. And with that, now this.
This Week’s Exercise
This is a fun little exercise I’ve done in classes and business workshops for actors. Every time I’ve done it, it’s been executed slightly differently but this is the essence of the exercise.
On a sheet of paper, jot down all the adjectives that come to mind describing you. Then narrow it down to the top 5 you feel best capture your essence. Now make a list of actors or personalities or characters that you’re kind of similar too. The characters you choose can be from tv, theatre, film, books, comics, whatever. And like with the adjective list, narrow it down to your top 5.
Okay, so now that you have your list, time to do some investigating. Ask five people you respect if they’d be so kind as to aide you in a little exercise you’re doing and jot down some adjectives describing you and a few characters or actors you’re energy or personality is most similar to. Now they can text, email or write it down for you but cannot tell you directly or over video chat. It’s important to have some space to look at the list by yourself. If you do it in front of the person without this step and you become emotionally triggered, then this person is now in the awkward position of having to take care of your feelings, which is not their job.
Once you have these 5 lists in front of you, see if there are words that are the same or similar circle them – that was a lot of alliteration. These words are important, especially if any of them showed up on your original list. If you’re not familiar with the actors or characters people selected do some research and try to identify what it is about them that connects to you.
The whole purpose of the exercise is to gain a broader perspective of who we are. It’s a silly and fun casting exercise, essentially, but it can be profoundly eye opening. Have fun with it!
Okay, so after you’ve studied these lists and compared them to yours it’s time to take all these words and narrow them down to three adjectives and three characters or actors.
When I last did this exercise years ago my words were fiery, sweet and strong; my actors were Marisa Tomei, Jennifer Lopez aka JLo, and Michelle Rodriguez. So that gives you an idea of my “type” as an actor; it also highlights the parts of myself I tend to lead with when engaging with the world around me.
So, I’ll ask you lovelies again, who are you? How would you describe yourself to a stranger? How would others describe you? Try this week’s exercise and see if you get some surprising insight into your character.
And remember, our given circumstances, what we say about ourselves and others say about us can’t show our true character without looking at our actions and the choices we make.
A Short Story Before We Go
“You’re a first-class bitch!”
One minute his mouth was inches from my face and then he was gone. I wish I had imagined it but my body was off the charts trying to process every thought, emotion, and sensation emanating from my core, which is a sure as hell reminder this was no dream.
“Thank you,” I yelled to this New York asshole yuppy who could no longer hear me.
It was her, I knew it was her. Why the hell couldn’t she just sit with us? Is she too good for us? Had to go sit at the bar and talk with these guys she didn’t know about us? About me? What the hell did I do to her? This was the only explanation I could come up with as to why this random dude in a bar who I’ve had zero interaction with would throw this shit at me, as he’s leaving.
There were 7 of us squished into this horseshoe shaped table but I was the only one who heard him. Maybe cause I was sitting on the aisle. Could he have said this to anyone sitting in that seat or was this a personal attack? Why did I care? It’s not true and I don’t know him, it shouldn’t matter what he says. But it had to be because of her and that’s what pissed me off. She’s supposed to be our friend, our ally, have our back, defend us – but we’re not in the Marines, we’re in fucking drama school. And that’s what this night has all of a sudden become, drama.
“What did he say, Tai?”
I told the table and the two guys that were with us immediately stood up ready to tear out of this raucous bar scene into the cold streets of the west village and kick this guy’s ass.
“Sit down. While I appreciate you guys wanting to defend my honor it’s not worth it.”
“Do you know him? Why would he say that?” someone asked me.
“Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear,” I say.
“Empire Records! Yeeesss!” one of the girls screams and raises her glass to clink mine.
I glance over to the corner of the bar where she’s sitting and the table follows my gaze. One of the guys yells out to her, “Yo, what the fuck?” I tell him to stop and calm down, it’s not like she could hear him anyway, and if she did she didn’t acknowledge it. We were all gonna have to work together come Monday…and for the next two and a half years.
All weekend it weighed on me. I was livid. I cried, I beat the shit out of my poor pillow, I couldn’t focus on any schoolwork I needed to get done. I was a moody cloud of rage and sadness…I’m sure my roommates hated me.
Monday morning I didn’t want to go to class. She was in every single class with me and I was still freakin’ pissed from Friday night. I wanted to punch her, I wanted to confront her, I wanted to make her apologize – but for what? She technically didn’t do anything to me, not that I could prove, but I held her responsible for what this probably drunk entitled douchebag spat at me.
Friday was Colab and we had been creating new work in our groups. Our pieces were all inspired by the semester theme which was Dante’s Inferno, and I sure as shit was in one of the 9 circles of hell. We had been doing improvs and playing for a while to generate ideas and our play was going to be actor inspired which was really exciting. I just couldn’t understand why I was still so stuck in my encounter from the week before. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t be there. And in Colab class that day, I felt hope. Hope I could start shedding some of this shit, if I couldn’t let it go maybe I could repurpose it.
That weekend I wrote. I wrote like Alexander Hamilton, like I was running out of time.
Sam, was his name – my name. An ex-Baltimore city cop that left the force and city behind. Now living somewhere new, working as a super of an apartment building. Depressed, alcoholic, so much pain, and on and on it went with more details gushing out of me. I couldn’t believe the backstory I was creating for him – for me.
All semester we worked on our piece in class and rehearsed outside. It was draining to keep using that night at the bar in my work, but Sam was in a lot of pain that he was trying to forget, and so was I. It didn’t matter how different Sam and I were on the outside or in our life experience because we were the same at our core.
My anger at the girl from my class subsided a bit even though I was mining the same shit for my work on a weekly basis. It got me thinking about the things that people say about us and why we get so upset – why they hold so much power. How did he know I was a first-class bitch, I’d never spoken to him before? Did I actually believe I was a first-class bitch? I knew I could and can be bitchy but I never aspired to one of the highest order. Did I achieve this honor completely unbeknownst to me? Had I wronged him in a past life that only he remembers? Did I do something that night and didn’t realize it, was I too drunk to remember it? Why did his words haunt me? And why did I put so much blame on this girl without any knowledge of their conversation? Why did I make her the scapegoat?
I do think there can be truth in the things people say about us and to us because we don’t always have a clear picture of who we are. We like to think we do, and that we are very self-aware, and that picture is usually that we’re good people and there’s something wrong with everyone else. And then the other side of the coin is that a lot of the things people say about us is a projection of themselves and has nothing to do with us at all. Only when we sit and make it a practice to analyze our life and truly aim to live without judgement of ourselves and others can we begin to know who we are. That takes a lot of work. What I do know is by the time our Colab class was over that semester and we did our final performance, Sam had helped me find peace. Stepping into his shoes and using my pain to help tell his story is the reason why the arts exist – to help us connect to each other.
Raise A Glass Series
The Raise a Glass Series is a space for reflection and gratitude centered around the topic of the day and inspired by lyrics from Hamilton the Musical.
“If we lay a strong enough foundation, we’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you, and you’ll blow us all away, Someday, Someday”
Being a parent tests our character to its core. Our kids will make us question every choice we make and put our ego on the ride of its life. They are amazing teachers who are here to raise us just as much as we’re here to raise them. Laying a strong foundation is doing the work on ourselves so our kids don’t carry our baggage. So if we’re going to give them the world, let’s give them one worth inheriting, where they can shine and truly blow us all away.
Let’s raise a glass to our children, who help us examine who we are and challenge how we see the world. Thank them for helping us become better humans.
Oh, and it is not lost on me that these first two episodes I’ve used Aaron Burr’s lines. It was not intentional but I caught it. So next week we’ll see where inspiration strikes, until then you’re just gonna have to “wait for it, wait for it, wait.”
That’s all for today guys and dolls. Thank you so much for joining me again. In all the craziness that surrounds us in the world, I hope this brings some joy into your day so your light can shine brighter.
Next week we will look at the song & dance of parenting.
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Thank you and I’ll see you on the other side
Mom: Angelica, can you say good-bye?
Angelica: Good-bye, good-bye.
Mom: Thank you.
Angelica: Thank you.